So my collection was this morning and I got 3 mature eggs that were able to be frozen.
This is not the ending that I was hoping for, for this particular journey or this final cycle. That brings the grand total of three rounds of egg freezing to 13 frozen eggs. Which is what many women (with two ovaries) get from their first and sometimes only cycle.
I hasten to add that I don't in any way regret that I've done this. Just that I am a bit sad about the results. As I think I mentioned in my last post, the odds of a live baby from 13 eggs seems maybe not so great. Of course there is no way to know that until I actually go to use the eggs. And even if I had 20 eggs there might not be a baby at the end of it.
It is what it is. I'm 39. It's little bit late. It would have made no sense to wait longer, although I do wish I had known about this, or done it sooner, these are things you can't change. So I worked with what I had, and so far this is what I've got. Which may actually be plenty or it may not at all.
I suppose I just don't have as much confidence as I would like. But as I say, that's a false hope anyway.
Everything towards the end of the cycle went easily and well. No problems with any of the injections. All was easy and simple at the clinic this morning. I don't have any pain or discomfort at the moment, though I might have a bit of cramping when everything wears off.
I have a counseling appointment in 2 weeks time and I think I'll schedule a follow up to talk through things like, when can I go back on birth control, and talk a bit about future pregnancy and timelines and things like that. The counseling appointment will probably be a good thing. The follow up appointment is a necessary thing, and I'll be annoyed, as usual, that I'll have to pay for it. But it's definitely weird to me to just leave things like this now. Especially when I have a number of questions.
When that's complete I'll also do a final cost tally.
And I'll probably prepare some final (or final for now) thoughts on this process overall. I think doing it right now however, probably isn't the best idea.
Showing posts with label eggs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eggs. Show all posts
29 October 2013
16 September 2013
Meeting with the Doctor
Today I had both my follow up meeting from my last cycle and preparation meeting for my next cycle with my doctor. Again, I got charged for this visit and I plan to call them later this week to hammer out what the deal is with getting charged for this appointment. Last time they said they charged me because I had a scan, but I didn't have a scan this visit. I should have argued when I was there but I wasn't in the right mindframe to do it. I've been incredibly stressed all day and I just couldn't deal with it. Probably a mistake. Whatever.
Anyway.
Here are the things we talked about in no discernible order.
Probably one of the most important is we discussed my results from the last cycle (4 eggs) compared to the first cycle (6 eggs). Of course this disappoints me somewhat, but then if I had 2 ovaries I would have 20 eggs total instead of 10 (lets say) and I'd be perfectly happy with that. So I don't feel like I can be that upset about it. I stressed this was my last possible cycle due to financial considerations. So the doctor said that as it was my last cycle he felt we could try to push the ovary a bit more and he's going to increase my Gonal-F and see how it goes. In both of my cycles there had been additional smaller follicles that didn't catch up or grow as fast and I guess he's hoping to catch them by upping the drugs. As with most of this process, I have to trust that he is basing this decision on his experience and expertise and I trust him. I'm conscious of having read other women who didn't respond well to higher drug doses, but I trust that my clinic scans me every other day, and will monitor me closely and he wouldn't suggest this if he didn't think it was a good plan. It's hard to feel like I'm gambling with my last cycle, but on the other hand, I've read about a lot of women on the higher dose of Gonal-F, so it's not like it's that odd or extreme. I'm sure it will be okay. I'll obviously keep track here of how everything goes.
In keeping with that, I got my prescription for all the drugs so I need to get in touch with Healthcare at Home to send it in and arrange the delivery. I'm going to remember to insist that they include the sharps bin this time!
We arranged my norethisterone prior to the cycle. As my cycle is about 30-31 days, I'm going to do 9 days of the norethisterone. For the first cycle I did 8, the second I did 7. So this is another change although one I'm more on board with. The nurse had suggested I do 9 for my second cycle but the drugs didn't arrive in time so I could only do the 7.
We talked about birth control pills. Specifically about whether or not I could go back on them after the third cycle and if there were any implications for future fertility. He said there is no indication that birth control pills affect ability to conceive and that I should be fine going back on and he had no reservations. So that was good news. I miss my birth control pills!
We talked about my period. Okay, skip over this if you don't want specifics. Basically I've noticed that as I've gotten older, my period is much darker, and lighter, and a bit shorter. Of course as I go through all of this I just panic that this somehow means my womb is an infertile place and I can't conceive. He said the color of your period means absolutely nothing. He also said that the frequency of your period and heaviness have more to do with your ovarian reserve than your ability to get pregnant. He pointed out that there are women close to 50 who get pregnant- they have no eggs left, but their womb can still healthily function. Obviously I am not planning on being 50 and pregnant, but this was comforting news.
We also talked about the counseling service that is available. I sort of wish I'd picked up on this sooner. They have to counselors who have an office space and I just need to call and arrange an appointment and they will often schedule alongside your scan if the timing works out. Although I might start this sooner seeing as how once my scans start there isn't much time left for any counseling. At any rate, it will probably take time to arrange it anyway. So I'm going to do that and will also have updates here.
So really, that was all great, other than being charged 120 quid for the visit. This irritates me to no end, but my comfort and trust in the clinic outweighs my annoyance.
The only other thing of interest is that they are doing some building works to the clinic and so I'm lucky I didn't try to schedule for this month as I don't think they would have done it. They're moving around some of the lab and clinical spaces on the ground floor although the doctors offices and scan rooms on the first floor aren't affected. The building works are supposed to finish right when my next cycle starts, so that allows an extra week and a bit for them to run over before it's a problem. I am just going to assume it's not going to be a problem.
Anyway, that's the update. One month countdown to the third and final cycle begins!
Anyway.
Here are the things we talked about in no discernible order.
Probably one of the most important is we discussed my results from the last cycle (4 eggs) compared to the first cycle (6 eggs). Of course this disappoints me somewhat, but then if I had 2 ovaries I would have 20 eggs total instead of 10 (lets say) and I'd be perfectly happy with that. So I don't feel like I can be that upset about it. I stressed this was my last possible cycle due to financial considerations. So the doctor said that as it was my last cycle he felt we could try to push the ovary a bit more and he's going to increase my Gonal-F and see how it goes. In both of my cycles there had been additional smaller follicles that didn't catch up or grow as fast and I guess he's hoping to catch them by upping the drugs. As with most of this process, I have to trust that he is basing this decision on his experience and expertise and I trust him. I'm conscious of having read other women who didn't respond well to higher drug doses, but I trust that my clinic scans me every other day, and will monitor me closely and he wouldn't suggest this if he didn't think it was a good plan. It's hard to feel like I'm gambling with my last cycle, but on the other hand, I've read about a lot of women on the higher dose of Gonal-F, so it's not like it's that odd or extreme. I'm sure it will be okay. I'll obviously keep track here of how everything goes.
In keeping with that, I got my prescription for all the drugs so I need to get in touch with Healthcare at Home to send it in and arrange the delivery. I'm going to remember to insist that they include the sharps bin this time!
We arranged my norethisterone prior to the cycle. As my cycle is about 30-31 days, I'm going to do 9 days of the norethisterone. For the first cycle I did 8, the second I did 7. So this is another change although one I'm more on board with. The nurse had suggested I do 9 for my second cycle but the drugs didn't arrive in time so I could only do the 7.
We talked about birth control pills. Specifically about whether or not I could go back on them after the third cycle and if there were any implications for future fertility. He said there is no indication that birth control pills affect ability to conceive and that I should be fine going back on and he had no reservations. So that was good news. I miss my birth control pills!
We talked about my period. Okay, skip over this if you don't want specifics. Basically I've noticed that as I've gotten older, my period is much darker, and lighter, and a bit shorter. Of course as I go through all of this I just panic that this somehow means my womb is an infertile place and I can't conceive. He said the color of your period means absolutely nothing. He also said that the frequency of your period and heaviness have more to do with your ovarian reserve than your ability to get pregnant. He pointed out that there are women close to 50 who get pregnant- they have no eggs left, but their womb can still healthily function. Obviously I am not planning on being 50 and pregnant, but this was comforting news.
We also talked about the counseling service that is available. I sort of wish I'd picked up on this sooner. They have to counselors who have an office space and I just need to call and arrange an appointment and they will often schedule alongside your scan if the timing works out. Although I might start this sooner seeing as how once my scans start there isn't much time left for any counseling. At any rate, it will probably take time to arrange it anyway. So I'm going to do that and will also have updates here.
So really, that was all great, other than being charged 120 quid for the visit. This irritates me to no end, but my comfort and trust in the clinic outweighs my annoyance.
The only other thing of interest is that they are doing some building works to the clinic and so I'm lucky I didn't try to schedule for this month as I don't think they would have done it. They're moving around some of the lab and clinical spaces on the ground floor although the doctors offices and scan rooms on the first floor aren't affected. The building works are supposed to finish right when my next cycle starts, so that allows an extra week and a bit for them to run over before it's a problem. I am just going to assume it's not going to be a problem.
Anyway, that's the update. One month countdown to the third and final cycle begins!
29 June 2013
Cycle 2: Day 17
Sorry again for the day delay, all due to the stupid phone company. I'm now borrowing internet from my neighbor!
Facts first. I got 4 eggs and all 4 were able to be frozen. I'd like to have a bit more information than that, but I couldn't get my phone to work so instead the embryologist call went to voice-mail. I assume they were all mature and looked good. I hope the embryologist calls back today, but I'm not sure they will. I had a couple of other questions, but I can ask the doctor when I go back in a couple of weeks for a follow up appointment.
The day itself was both uneventful and eventful. My biggest gripe was that although I showed up 15 minutes early to make sure I was there for noon and I was supposed to be having my retrieval 37 hours past the Ovitrelle trigger at 12:30, I didn't even get in to my recovery room to change until 12:25 and I estimate my procedure was probably at 1:00 or even a little bit past. This just stressed me out, which is not what you really want when you're preparing for a medical procedure. I was assured by more than one person that it wouldn't make a difference but I was conscious of how few eggs I had to work with and the thought of losing a single one just gave me intense stress. This was compounded by my internet based knowledge that some clinics trigger as early as 35 hours before the retrieval and since my clinic goes with 37, that already seems on the "late" side of things. It just put a blip into my otherwise uneventful day!
So given that I was stressed I changed very quickly and was ready to go. A bit of 'hurry up and wait'. I could hear couples (mostly couples) in some of the other cubicles. This is the second time I've heard a male partner be rude to their female partner during what I assume is an IVF process. I get that men tend to fall into the 'I want to be able to help or I just get frustrated' category but seriously. This particular couple, it was obvious she was just out of retrieval and every time she saw him she came to enough to ask how many eggs they got. He said around 15. Then she'd slip out of consciousness, come back, and ask the same question. By the third time he started in with, "I already told you this!". Charming.
Eventually the anesthesiologist came to get me and we had a nice chat. I remembered a bit about him from the first time and I think he was amused that I remembered what we talked about. We chatted a bit more as he got me all set, put the cannula in, put electrodes on me. The doctor who did my procedure was not my main doctor but what I now think of as my second doctor. I remember asking about the delay and the impact. I also remember saying that I really wanted 4 eggs as a minimum and that if I got less I'd get depressed about it but then I'd get over it. They had me scooting down the table into position and I was alert when the mask went over my face, but not much beyond that. I think I have a vague memory of being transfered from the procedure table to the recovery bed. I definitely have a memory of the doctor coming to see me in the recovery room to tell me that got 4 eggs. Although that was very hazy, I know it happened, and then also turned out to be true, so reinforces that it happened.
Eventually I came to, nice and comfortable in the bed. The machine on my finger monitored my heart beat and a cuff on my arm did my blood pressure every five minutes. I came around more fully and the nurse told me my friend was here so I said they could let her come sit with me. They brought me tea with sugar and I drank that while chatting with my friend, none of which I can remember now. I know I was starving having not eaten since about 7 or 8 the night before so I also got some cookies and wolfed those down. Then I got dressed and we went home where my friend made me a lovely tray of macaroni and cheese for my dinner and for 'comfort'. Yum!
So today I feel mostly fine. Less cramping then the first cycle, but then, I had fewer follicles. I can still feel my ovary, so I know it's still enlarged and will stay like that until my period comes. On my last scan I had asked my doctor if I could cycle this week in Cambridge but he said he wouldn't advise it. His reasoning was that although the chance is small for torsion, because I only have the one ovary, his advice was to be super cautious about it and even a small risk was not one he would suggest I take, whereas if I had two ovaries he'd be less concerned. I thought that was fair, so I'm looking at a week of walking around Cambridge this week. But that's fine. I need to get my exercise back on track and walking seems a good way to start.
And so that's it for cycle 2. I'll update the costs again when I get around to it, and I'll update again when I have my follow up appointment. I also think I'm going to see the counselor that the clinic offers as a service, so I'll probably write about that as well. And obviously if and when cycle 3 comes on, I'll be back for that as well. Not quite done with this blog yet!
Facts first. I got 4 eggs and all 4 were able to be frozen. I'd like to have a bit more information than that, but I couldn't get my phone to work so instead the embryologist call went to voice-mail. I assume they were all mature and looked good. I hope the embryologist calls back today, but I'm not sure they will. I had a couple of other questions, but I can ask the doctor when I go back in a couple of weeks for a follow up appointment.
The day itself was both uneventful and eventful. My biggest gripe was that although I showed up 15 minutes early to make sure I was there for noon and I was supposed to be having my retrieval 37 hours past the Ovitrelle trigger at 12:30, I didn't even get in to my recovery room to change until 12:25 and I estimate my procedure was probably at 1:00 or even a little bit past. This just stressed me out, which is not what you really want when you're preparing for a medical procedure. I was assured by more than one person that it wouldn't make a difference but I was conscious of how few eggs I had to work with and the thought of losing a single one just gave me intense stress. This was compounded by my internet based knowledge that some clinics trigger as early as 35 hours before the retrieval and since my clinic goes with 37, that already seems on the "late" side of things. It just put a blip into my otherwise uneventful day!
So given that I was stressed I changed very quickly and was ready to go. A bit of 'hurry up and wait'. I could hear couples (mostly couples) in some of the other cubicles. This is the second time I've heard a male partner be rude to their female partner during what I assume is an IVF process. I get that men tend to fall into the 'I want to be able to help or I just get frustrated' category but seriously. This particular couple, it was obvious she was just out of retrieval and every time she saw him she came to enough to ask how many eggs they got. He said around 15. Then she'd slip out of consciousness, come back, and ask the same question. By the third time he started in with, "I already told you this!". Charming.
Eventually the anesthesiologist came to get me and we had a nice chat. I remembered a bit about him from the first time and I think he was amused that I remembered what we talked about. We chatted a bit more as he got me all set, put the cannula in, put electrodes on me. The doctor who did my procedure was not my main doctor but what I now think of as my second doctor. I remember asking about the delay and the impact. I also remember saying that I really wanted 4 eggs as a minimum and that if I got less I'd get depressed about it but then I'd get over it. They had me scooting down the table into position and I was alert when the mask went over my face, but not much beyond that. I think I have a vague memory of being transfered from the procedure table to the recovery bed. I definitely have a memory of the doctor coming to see me in the recovery room to tell me that got 4 eggs. Although that was very hazy, I know it happened, and then also turned out to be true, so reinforces that it happened.
Eventually I came to, nice and comfortable in the bed. The machine on my finger monitored my heart beat and a cuff on my arm did my blood pressure every five minutes. I came around more fully and the nurse told me my friend was here so I said they could let her come sit with me. They brought me tea with sugar and I drank that while chatting with my friend, none of which I can remember now. I know I was starving having not eaten since about 7 or 8 the night before so I also got some cookies and wolfed those down. Then I got dressed and we went home where my friend made me a lovely tray of macaroni and cheese for my dinner and for 'comfort'. Yum!
So today I feel mostly fine. Less cramping then the first cycle, but then, I had fewer follicles. I can still feel my ovary, so I know it's still enlarged and will stay like that until my period comes. On my last scan I had asked my doctor if I could cycle this week in Cambridge but he said he wouldn't advise it. His reasoning was that although the chance is small for torsion, because I only have the one ovary, his advice was to be super cautious about it and even a small risk was not one he would suggest I take, whereas if I had two ovaries he'd be less concerned. I thought that was fair, so I'm looking at a week of walking around Cambridge this week. But that's fine. I need to get my exercise back on track and walking seems a good way to start.
And so that's it for cycle 2. I'll update the costs again when I get around to it, and I'll update again when I have my follow up appointment. I also think I'm going to see the counselor that the clinic offers as a service, so I'll probably write about that as well. And obviously if and when cycle 3 comes on, I'll be back for that as well. Not quite done with this blog yet!
27 June 2013
Cycle 2: Day 15
So yesterday was a big day! Sorry to be a day behind but I got home and the phone company had shut off all the phones in my building which meant no easy internet.
Anyway, yesterday was scan day. Back to my regular doctor. Had a good scan and a good chat with him. The decision was made to trigger, so my collection is tomorrow (Friday). That's one day short of the last cycle but pretty much the same. I have 4 large follicles and any further stimulation could cause me to lose them. I may lose one already but we'll see. There are also 3-4 follicles just squeaking past 11mm. Apparently that's the threshold for finding mature eggs. So they will sweep all of them in the hopes of finding some. But I guess I should be looking for about 4 eggs tomorrow and anything more would be great and anything less will make me depressed and then I'll have to get over it.
So my appointment is at noon tomorrow. This meant I took only Cetrotide last night before 10:30 (I took it around 9:30, and I did it in a restaurant bathroom. Not ideal but it was all rather short notice and I figured that was better than cancelling my plans.). Then at precisely 11:30 at night I did the Ovitrelle injection. This was a different system than the one I got on my first cycle. This one came in a pen just like the Gonal-F so super easy. Not that the pre-filled syringe wasn't easy as well. I like injections that are easy.
And now I wait. Today no injections. No food or drink past midnight. On the first cycle my collection was early in the morning, so it was easy not to do food or drink. This time I have to wait out half a day which is going to be a bit more challenging although obviously not nearly impossible. Just annoying really. Also no deodorant or anything so I'll take a shower before I go and hope it's not too warm out. Oh, and of course there's the lovely Voltarol suppository that I just need to "pop in" before heading to the clinic. Fun times.
I've arranged a friend to come meet me and go home with me. Much easier this time as the first person I asked could do it. And she's super sweet, she asked me what I wanted as some comfort food so she'd make it for me when we get back to mine. Macaroni and cheese, you are mine all mine!
In other news I learned how I get moved from the procedure room to the recovery room. Apparently they wheel in the recovery room bed and slide you across. That makes sense. I knew it wasn't the same bed! I also asked about follow up appointments. Apparently the reason I got charged for the last one is I had a scan. A talking follow up appointment is free, but the scan costs. I still find that slightly annoying, especially since I was "feeling" my ovary and I think it's reasonable aftercare to have a look and make sure nothing is wrong. But this time I know, or rather, expect that my ovary will take a while to get back to "normal" so I won't have a scan after but I will make a follow up appointment to discuss what the next steps are. If I do get 4 eggs I'll have 10 on ice. That's really not enough for me to feel comfortable. But I can probably only afford one more cycle. So we'll see.
The only differences between last cycle and this cycle other than my taking conception vitamins was one less day of norethisterone prior to stimulation. There haven't been any other impact factors. I mean, other than I'm stressed, but I'm pretty sure I was stressed for the first cycle. And I mean "life" stressed not egg freezing stressed. Meh. It is what it is! I'm doing the best I can! (Repeat).
Oh, the other thing I talked about with the doctor was in vitro maturation of eggs that aren't mature. He wasn't in favor saying the results are really generally poor and in fact as a clinic they are so underwhelmed by the success of in vitro matured eggs they don't offer it. Again, who am I to argue with the doctor? Their success rates as a clinic are high. I'm sure that it does work for some people, but I guess they look at it as an overall benefit and don't see it as panning out. So one less thing for me to consider. That's fine. I'm okay with that.
So anyway, depending on when I have home internet again, I'll update with the results. Nothing to do now but wait! (And drink gallons of water.)
Anyway, yesterday was scan day. Back to my regular doctor. Had a good scan and a good chat with him. The decision was made to trigger, so my collection is tomorrow (Friday). That's one day short of the last cycle but pretty much the same. I have 4 large follicles and any further stimulation could cause me to lose them. I may lose one already but we'll see. There are also 3-4 follicles just squeaking past 11mm. Apparently that's the threshold for finding mature eggs. So they will sweep all of them in the hopes of finding some. But I guess I should be looking for about 4 eggs tomorrow and anything more would be great and anything less will make me depressed and then I'll have to get over it.
So my appointment is at noon tomorrow. This meant I took only Cetrotide last night before 10:30 (I took it around 9:30, and I did it in a restaurant bathroom. Not ideal but it was all rather short notice and I figured that was better than cancelling my plans.). Then at precisely 11:30 at night I did the Ovitrelle injection. This was a different system than the one I got on my first cycle. This one came in a pen just like the Gonal-F so super easy. Not that the pre-filled syringe wasn't easy as well. I like injections that are easy.
And now I wait. Today no injections. No food or drink past midnight. On the first cycle my collection was early in the morning, so it was easy not to do food or drink. This time I have to wait out half a day which is going to be a bit more challenging although obviously not nearly impossible. Just annoying really. Also no deodorant or anything so I'll take a shower before I go and hope it's not too warm out. Oh, and of course there's the lovely Voltarol suppository that I just need to "pop in" before heading to the clinic. Fun times.
I've arranged a friend to come meet me and go home with me. Much easier this time as the first person I asked could do it. And she's super sweet, she asked me what I wanted as some comfort food so she'd make it for me when we get back to mine. Macaroni and cheese, you are mine all mine!
In other news I learned how I get moved from the procedure room to the recovery room. Apparently they wheel in the recovery room bed and slide you across. That makes sense. I knew it wasn't the same bed! I also asked about follow up appointments. Apparently the reason I got charged for the last one is I had a scan. A talking follow up appointment is free, but the scan costs. I still find that slightly annoying, especially since I was "feeling" my ovary and I think it's reasonable aftercare to have a look and make sure nothing is wrong. But this time I know, or rather, expect that my ovary will take a while to get back to "normal" so I won't have a scan after but I will make a follow up appointment to discuss what the next steps are. If I do get 4 eggs I'll have 10 on ice. That's really not enough for me to feel comfortable. But I can probably only afford one more cycle. So we'll see.
The only differences between last cycle and this cycle other than my taking conception vitamins was one less day of norethisterone prior to stimulation. There haven't been any other impact factors. I mean, other than I'm stressed, but I'm pretty sure I was stressed for the first cycle. And I mean "life" stressed not egg freezing stressed. Meh. It is what it is! I'm doing the best I can! (Repeat).
Oh, the other thing I talked about with the doctor was in vitro maturation of eggs that aren't mature. He wasn't in favor saying the results are really generally poor and in fact as a clinic they are so underwhelmed by the success of in vitro matured eggs they don't offer it. Again, who am I to argue with the doctor? Their success rates as a clinic are high. I'm sure that it does work for some people, but I guess they look at it as an overall benefit and don't see it as panning out. So one less thing for me to consider. That's fine. I'm okay with that.
So anyway, depending on when I have home internet again, I'll update with the results. Nothing to do now but wait! (And drink gallons of water.)
21 June 2013
Cycle 2: Day 9
So back from my scan and of course I am depressed. There just aren't as many follicles as last time. The doctor (not my normal doctor) measured 6 although I think I saw at least one or two more. One is way out ahead so it probably won't last the duration. At this time last cycle I think I had at least 12-14 follicles showing and I only got 6 eggs. I'm steeling myself to get a low collection number.
Of course this is upsetting. Firstly, it's upsetting because it's all conjecture. Each follicle COULD yield an egg and I could do just as well as last cycle, I just don't BELIEVE that is what is going to happen. So that sort of sucks. If I go on a 50% yield, I'm looking at a collection of 3. Of course any is better than nothing.
This is what I keep telling myself. I mean, what am I getting so upset about? This is where my fertility is at right now. If I was trying to get pregnant, this is what it would be. If I wait around for when I hope to have children, it's going to be worse. The only thing I can be doing right now is this, and this is what my body produces. Any frozen egg is better than no frozen eggs. But it is so hard to not want to place blame or look for some sort of 'answer' to why it's not as good as I want it to be.
I recently answered some questions for an interview on egg freezing in an Australian magazine and the interviewer asked me if I wish I'd done this sooner. Yes. Absolutely, 100% yes. It's hard not to feel like I've let my best years go. Obviously when I was younger I had hope that things would just work out but that's not what's happened. So now, at almost 39 I just feel annoyed that I didn't know about this sooner, didn't do it sooner, let all those better eggs go sooner....
Not that any of that is productive. The only productive thing that I can do right now is exactly what I'm doing. I need to just try to stay focused on that and not let myself get worked up about things that are completely out of my control.
But it's hard.
Anyway. I'm sticking to the same dose for injections. Next scan is Monday with again not my usual doctor but not the one I just saw either, instead the one I saw at the start of my cycle (which I think covers all the doctors because I think there is only the three). I'll update here again after the scan.
Of course this is upsetting. Firstly, it's upsetting because it's all conjecture. Each follicle COULD yield an egg and I could do just as well as last cycle, I just don't BELIEVE that is what is going to happen. So that sort of sucks. If I go on a 50% yield, I'm looking at a collection of 3. Of course any is better than nothing.
This is what I keep telling myself. I mean, what am I getting so upset about? This is where my fertility is at right now. If I was trying to get pregnant, this is what it would be. If I wait around for when I hope to have children, it's going to be worse. The only thing I can be doing right now is this, and this is what my body produces. Any frozen egg is better than no frozen eggs. But it is so hard to not want to place blame or look for some sort of 'answer' to why it's not as good as I want it to be.
I recently answered some questions for an interview on egg freezing in an Australian magazine and the interviewer asked me if I wish I'd done this sooner. Yes. Absolutely, 100% yes. It's hard not to feel like I've let my best years go. Obviously when I was younger I had hope that things would just work out but that's not what's happened. So now, at almost 39 I just feel annoyed that I didn't know about this sooner, didn't do it sooner, let all those better eggs go sooner....
Not that any of that is productive. The only productive thing that I can do right now is exactly what I'm doing. I need to just try to stay focused on that and not let myself get worked up about things that are completely out of my control.
But it's hard.
Anyway. I'm sticking to the same dose for injections. Next scan is Monday with again not my usual doctor but not the one I just saw either, instead the one I saw at the start of my cycle (which I think covers all the doctors because I think there is only the three). I'll update here again after the scan.
04 April 2013
Follow-Up Consultation
Today I had my fist meeting with the doctor since my collection. I am sad to report that I was charged for this visit. I feel that this is not ideal and that a single follow-up consultation should be standard with an egg collection procedure. But, you can't be pleased with everything. So the new update on costs is:
But it is what it is. Either I choose a different clinic, or I accept that this is how it is. Can't be pleased with everything. And overall I am really generally pleased. So I am going to stick with them.
So I saw my doctor today and we discussed how everything went and he did a scan to check on my ovary since I said that I could still feel it and I knew it had not gone back to normal size. I was of course concerned it was the cyst but I am happy to report that my cyst is still the same size as it was before and has not grown at all. On the other hand, my ovary is currently about twice it's normal size. The doctor said this was 'normal' and that it can take up to two period cycles for it to return to normal size. When stimulated it can be 7 or 8 times normal size. So my ovary has definitely 'gone down' but it's not all the way down yet. In keeping with this he suggested I stay away from impact exercise and twisting until I don't feel it anymore. I'm glad that I wasn't making it up that I still 'felt' the ovary and also glad I was taking it easy and not rushing back to the gym.
We discussed how the retrieval went. In the end there were 10 follicles and 6 had eggs and all 6 were mature. They can't tell you anything about the quality of those eggs. I asked if there was anything I could be doing now to help improve number or quality as there are many things talked about online. He said the only thing he suggested was that I consider some slow weight loss between now and my next procedure. That's fair. But he cautioned me it needs to be slow and steady, not a crash diet as that can negatively impact egg production or quality. So I need to be a bit more serious about seeing if I can lose 10-15 pounds in the next two months.
He said he felt the protocol was good and he didn't particularly want to change it. He said that as I only have the one ovary he didn't want to be too aggressive or risky because we want to protect the ovary as well. That seemed reasonable to me.
He gave me a prescription for my drugs and said they are happy for me to source them elsewhere if I can get them for cheaper, so that was good and I need to follow up with that over the next couple of weeks. He also said that my retrieval procedure was a bit tricky. That surprised me. I asked why and he said that my ovary moved around a lot during the retrieval. Apparently the dermoid cyst can make it wobbly or a bit less stable, or even float inside the gut, so apparently it wasn't exactly straightforward to retrieve my eggs.
So there you have it. I'll post more about drug pricing as I look into that. In the meantime I have 2 months to see if I can drop some weight. That's not going to be easy though if you consider I'm back in the States for 3 weeks in May. But I'll do the best I can.
| Previous total cost | £6876 |
| Follow-up consultation | £120 |
| Total cost to date | £6996 |
But it is what it is. Either I choose a different clinic, or I accept that this is how it is. Can't be pleased with everything. And overall I am really generally pleased. So I am going to stick with them.
So I saw my doctor today and we discussed how everything went and he did a scan to check on my ovary since I said that I could still feel it and I knew it had not gone back to normal size. I was of course concerned it was the cyst but I am happy to report that my cyst is still the same size as it was before and has not grown at all. On the other hand, my ovary is currently about twice it's normal size. The doctor said this was 'normal' and that it can take up to two period cycles for it to return to normal size. When stimulated it can be 7 or 8 times normal size. So my ovary has definitely 'gone down' but it's not all the way down yet. In keeping with this he suggested I stay away from impact exercise and twisting until I don't feel it anymore. I'm glad that I wasn't making it up that I still 'felt' the ovary and also glad I was taking it easy and not rushing back to the gym.
We discussed how the retrieval went. In the end there were 10 follicles and 6 had eggs and all 6 were mature. They can't tell you anything about the quality of those eggs. I asked if there was anything I could be doing now to help improve number or quality as there are many things talked about online. He said the only thing he suggested was that I consider some slow weight loss between now and my next procedure. That's fair. But he cautioned me it needs to be slow and steady, not a crash diet as that can negatively impact egg production or quality. So I need to be a bit more serious about seeing if I can lose 10-15 pounds in the next two months.
He said he felt the protocol was good and he didn't particularly want to change it. He said that as I only have the one ovary he didn't want to be too aggressive or risky because we want to protect the ovary as well. That seemed reasonable to me.
He gave me a prescription for my drugs and said they are happy for me to source them elsewhere if I can get them for cheaper, so that was good and I need to follow up with that over the next couple of weeks. He also said that my retrieval procedure was a bit tricky. That surprised me. I asked why and he said that my ovary moved around a lot during the retrieval. Apparently the dermoid cyst can make it wobbly or a bit less stable, or even float inside the gut, so apparently it wasn't exactly straightforward to retrieve my eggs.
So there you have it. I'll post more about drug pricing as I look into that. In the meantime I have 2 months to see if I can drop some weight. That's not going to be easy though if you consider I'm back in the States for 3 weeks in May. But I'll do the best I can.
28 February 2013
48 Hours Later
I'm finally starting to feel a little bit more normal.
When I wrote my last post, I was at home relaxing after the procedure. I did manage to go up to Cambridge that night and I did note that the more I moved around the more "crampy" and "achy" my abdominal area seemed to be. And it wasn't only concentrated on my left side where my ovary is.
I took some paracetamol as I was told I could and slept okay when I finally got home, although I woke up with more abdominal discomfort and a bit of bloating. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I had a lot of gas but not much productivity. This reminded me that when I had the surgery to have my ovary removed, they told me that abdominal intrusion can make the digestive track seize up. In fact, they wouldn't let me leave the hospital until I'd pooped back then. So I started to wonder if something similar wasn't going on.
Yesterday I had a course to go on so I did that and continued to have the occasional over the counter painkiller. Uncomfortable, but not really worse than bad period pains. I was noting that it seemed more 'abdominal' than 'right side' and although I was drinking a lot, and peeing a lot, no other action was going on.
As I didn't bring my bicycle up (like I usually do) I decided to walk home last night which is a little over a mile. It wasn't the most comfortable walk, but I took it slow and steady. I felt that getting some light physical activity in might help my system get moving. Got home, lots of air, no action.
This morning however, my abdominal area feels much better. I got up and had results in the bathroom. I have no idea of I'm making connections that aren't there, but I do know I feel much more comfortable and generally better. Still a bit of bloating and now any aches are pretty much identifiable as on my left side where the ovary is still enlarged.
Also, I've noticed that I think I bit my tongue under sedation and maybe it pressed on my jaw a bit funny if they gave me an oxygen mask as both sides of my jaw, close to my ears is sore to the touch. First I thought it was a pimple, but then I noticed it was on both sides and think it was something else. The tongue thing is annoying, but it will sort itself out.
So I guess I just wait for my period and finally my body can return to normal for a bit, before I go for it again in June.
I feel less disappointed by my six eggs. And I'm really pleased that they are there waiting for me in the freezer. It does make me determined to do at least one more cycle, but I am glad that I have done this. My chances at future pregnancy only diminish from here on out, so those six eggs, and whatever I get in June are a great investment.
When I get back to London I will try to do a break-down post about my costs, as I think it's something useful there should be more information about. I should also have my formal letter from the clinic regarding the extraction, so I will post if there is anything interesting from that. I may also, in the interim, post some thoughts on future parenthood. But in general, I suspect this blog will go a bit quiet until my next cycle starts up.
I'm glad that my story has helped some people. Any questions, please email or leave a comment. And if you are starting your own journey and begin a blog, please send me the link and I will add it to the blog roll on the right.
When I wrote my last post, I was at home relaxing after the procedure. I did manage to go up to Cambridge that night and I did note that the more I moved around the more "crampy" and "achy" my abdominal area seemed to be. And it wasn't only concentrated on my left side where my ovary is.
I took some paracetamol as I was told I could and slept okay when I finally got home, although I woke up with more abdominal discomfort and a bit of bloating. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I had a lot of gas but not much productivity. This reminded me that when I had the surgery to have my ovary removed, they told me that abdominal intrusion can make the digestive track seize up. In fact, they wouldn't let me leave the hospital until I'd pooped back then. So I started to wonder if something similar wasn't going on.
Yesterday I had a course to go on so I did that and continued to have the occasional over the counter painkiller. Uncomfortable, but not really worse than bad period pains. I was noting that it seemed more 'abdominal' than 'right side' and although I was drinking a lot, and peeing a lot, no other action was going on.
As I didn't bring my bicycle up (like I usually do) I decided to walk home last night which is a little over a mile. It wasn't the most comfortable walk, but I took it slow and steady. I felt that getting some light physical activity in might help my system get moving. Got home, lots of air, no action.
This morning however, my abdominal area feels much better. I got up and had results in the bathroom. I have no idea of I'm making connections that aren't there, but I do know I feel much more comfortable and generally better. Still a bit of bloating and now any aches are pretty much identifiable as on my left side where the ovary is still enlarged.
Also, I've noticed that I think I bit my tongue under sedation and maybe it pressed on my jaw a bit funny if they gave me an oxygen mask as both sides of my jaw, close to my ears is sore to the touch. First I thought it was a pimple, but then I noticed it was on both sides and think it was something else. The tongue thing is annoying, but it will sort itself out.
So I guess I just wait for my period and finally my body can return to normal for a bit, before I go for it again in June.
I feel less disappointed by my six eggs. And I'm really pleased that they are there waiting for me in the freezer. It does make me determined to do at least one more cycle, but I am glad that I have done this. My chances at future pregnancy only diminish from here on out, so those six eggs, and whatever I get in June are a great investment.
When I get back to London I will try to do a break-down post about my costs, as I think it's something useful there should be more information about. I should also have my formal letter from the clinic regarding the extraction, so I will post if there is anything interesting from that. I may also, in the interim, post some thoughts on future parenthood. But in general, I suspect this blog will go a bit quiet until my next cycle starts up.
I'm glad that my story has helped some people. Any questions, please email or leave a comment. And if you are starting your own journey and begin a blog, please send me the link and I will add it to the blog roll on the right.
26 February 2013
Day 17 - Egg retrieval
So it's about a quarter past noon and I am at home sprawled on my couch chilling out. I don't know anything yet, so I'm going to probably save this post as a draft and update it later so it contains the entire story of the day. Although if you're reading this and I've posted it, it will contain the full story.
But while it's relatively fresh in my head, let me record how today has gone so far.
So I had dinner last night around 8pm and then only water with the last water being probably around 10:30 or so. Was feeling a bit anxious- just went to bed after setting two different alarms.
Woke up before both alarms and also at some time in the night because I had to pee. I did try to drink a bunch of water yesterday- not only because I hear it makes recovery after the collection better, but also because my veins can be fiddly so it's better if I'm more hydrated than not. So I just lay in bed in and out of sleep waiting for the alarms. Eventually got up. Straight into the shower. Just a single swipe of deodorant, no other perfumes or scented products. Took care of the suppository, put my clothes on, grabbed my sealed sharps bin and headed out.
Got to the clinic around 8:20. The receptionists weren't there yet, although I saw people moving about inside, they didn't come answer the door when I rang. Had to wait about five minutes for someone to come to work who let me in, asked if I was there for a procedure, had me sit and then it was really a minute or less before one of the nurses came to get me.
First she asked me to empty my bladder, so I did that. Then she took me into the procedure/recovery suite. She showed me to a cubicle area and said it would be my area. It had a hospital type bed covered in paper, a pillow, a blanket, a hospital gown, a blood pressure machine, a chair, and a wardrobe. She told me I could put all of my things in the wardrobe. After covering my name and birthday, taking my blood pressure, and checking when I had last eaten or drank, she asked me to change into the gown and then just wait for the anesthetist. And she closed the curtain to my cubicle.
So I did all this. It's a bit awkward to try to tie up a gown in the back on your own. Yet another moment of "Ugh, this sucks to be on your own." but it quickly passed. I got changed, on the bed, covered myself up with the blanket and tried to just stay calm and rest. After all, I hadn't slept all that great, and I was nervous.
Another couple came in to a different cubicle for another procedure.
Then the anesthetist arrived. A kindly older man who asked me again for my name and birthday and when I last ate or drank and we went through some basic medical history that would be relevant to anesthetics. He seemed to suggest all was in order, so we could get ready to go.
The nurse came back for me and we walked to what I'm going to assume was a prep room. I'm not at all sure it was the actual procedure room and if pushed I'd suggest it wasn't. Based on my only other experience with UK set-ups, when I had my ovary out, they prep you in the prep room but everything happens in the procedure room which basically you never get to see. I could see that there was a very wide door to a more clinical looking room at the other end of what I think was the prep room. But, I may never know.
Because, basically, they asked me to get on the table which had an absorption pad for under your pelvis. They brought the pillow and the blanket so once I got settled they had me covered and resting on the pillow. They attached three electrodes to me and hooked them up to a machine. In the meantime, the anesthetist needed to get the cannula in my wrist. Despite drinking lots, my veins were being fiddly so he had me do a bunch of pumping and then he got it in. Cannula's are not the most comfortable things. It's not that it really hurt, it was just uncomfortable, but he was very gentle with it and once it was in placed my hand across my chest. My doctor showed up and asked how I was. I said I'd felt more bloated since the trigger shot and more uncomfortable on that side, which he said was normal. He explained the procedure, what they were going to do and went through the possible risks. With all that done, the anesthetist said he'd give me a drug that might make me a bit woozy and then asked what my PhD was about. I was telling him, and he said something like, "Oh, so you could tell me how to improve my Victorian terrace house." and I said something like, "Yeah, I could." and the nurse was having me get my leg into a stirrup and that is the last thing I remember.
Next thing I know, I'm coming out of a very pleasant sleep feeling nice and warm and toasty. There's a blood pressure cuff on my arm I think, or maybe just the thing on your finger. At any rate, I'm completely back in the cubicle I started off in. No idea how I got from the one to the other. I don't feel particularly much of anything out of the ordinary. My abdomen is a bit crampy, but nothing worse than period pains, although I'm also on painkillers, so I should bear this in mind as at some point they are going to wear off. A nurses comes in and gives me a cup of water which I drink. Then she asks me if I'd like some tea and how I take it (with sugar, no milk).
So then she brings me a mug of tea and some hard cookies/biscuits. I drink the tea, I eat the biscuits and I feel very alert. Almost euphoric. I want to laugh. I suppose it's just the stress of everything being really over. I ask if my friend has arrived and they say yes. I look at the machine and realize that it's past 10:30. I've been out for a while! The nurse comes back after a bit to take out the cannula. Another nurse comes to remind me of the info sheet. What not to do today, what drugs not to take. And then basically I'm discharged. They say the embryologist will call me later with the details of the collection and I can get dressed.
I do, I give over my sharps bin. I realize I'm in a slight daze. I'm alert, but everything seems a bit surreal. I meet up with my friend, and we head out. It's that simple. I took public transport home although they said not to, honestly, it was completely fine. I just feel a bit crampy.
On the way home, stopped by the grocery so I could pick up a ready-meal for lunch as I don't have anything in and don't want to have to go out until later, my friend got me up to my front door, and then he went back to work, and here I am on the couch.
The embryologist just called around 12:30. I have six eggs. They collected six, and all six were mature and able to be frozen. I don't know if they were all fully mature or the various gradations of mature. As per usual, I was slightly in shock by the call and so did not have the wherewithal to ask the questions that are now going through my head.
Six.
Closer to five than to ten. But better than nothing. Not as good as I had hoped for. But six eggs in the freezer is six eggs I otherwise did not have in the freezer before. So cycle two will definitely be June. I guess before then I'll try to have an appointment with the doctor to see if he thinks we should change the protocol based on this one to see if something should change to see if I can get closer to the ten.
Because I was completely out of it for the procedure, I have no idea how many follicles there actually were in the end. On Friday there were 13. But I only have one ovary. The response is within the expected range of five to ten, so that's good, just on the lower side of the expected range, but hey, that's life.
Now I just have to be gentle with my body over the coming days until I get my period and my ovary starts to deflate back to normal size.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit disappointed by six. But then this entire journey is just one crazy emotional roller coaster ride. And I need to remind myself- what is the alternative? Six eggs in the freezer, is six 38 year old eggs that would otherwise have been flushed. I will do a second cycle. If I want to preserve my fertility chances, then this is the best possible thing I can be doing at this point in time, and if this is what my body gives me, then that's what it is. I have to remember, the alternative to this, is to have absolutely nothing.
Six is basically enough for one IVF cycle. Hopefully I'll get at least as many on the next cycle. Then I'll probably need to see if I can find finances for a third cycle depending on how the second one goes. But as my doctor tells me- one step at a time! For now, it's be gentle, wait for period, enjoy the break in between, and then prepare to do it all again.
But while it's relatively fresh in my head, let me record how today has gone so far.
So I had dinner last night around 8pm and then only water with the last water being probably around 10:30 or so. Was feeling a bit anxious- just went to bed after setting two different alarms.
Woke up before both alarms and also at some time in the night because I had to pee. I did try to drink a bunch of water yesterday- not only because I hear it makes recovery after the collection better, but also because my veins can be fiddly so it's better if I'm more hydrated than not. So I just lay in bed in and out of sleep waiting for the alarms. Eventually got up. Straight into the shower. Just a single swipe of deodorant, no other perfumes or scented products. Took care of the suppository, put my clothes on, grabbed my sealed sharps bin and headed out.
Got to the clinic around 8:20. The receptionists weren't there yet, although I saw people moving about inside, they didn't come answer the door when I rang. Had to wait about five minutes for someone to come to work who let me in, asked if I was there for a procedure, had me sit and then it was really a minute or less before one of the nurses came to get me.
First she asked me to empty my bladder, so I did that. Then she took me into the procedure/recovery suite. She showed me to a cubicle area and said it would be my area. It had a hospital type bed covered in paper, a pillow, a blanket, a hospital gown, a blood pressure machine, a chair, and a wardrobe. She told me I could put all of my things in the wardrobe. After covering my name and birthday, taking my blood pressure, and checking when I had last eaten or drank, she asked me to change into the gown and then just wait for the anesthetist. And she closed the curtain to my cubicle.
So I did all this. It's a bit awkward to try to tie up a gown in the back on your own. Yet another moment of "Ugh, this sucks to be on your own." but it quickly passed. I got changed, on the bed, covered myself up with the blanket and tried to just stay calm and rest. After all, I hadn't slept all that great, and I was nervous.
Another couple came in to a different cubicle for another procedure.
Then the anesthetist arrived. A kindly older man who asked me again for my name and birthday and when I last ate or drank and we went through some basic medical history that would be relevant to anesthetics. He seemed to suggest all was in order, so we could get ready to go.
The nurse came back for me and we walked to what I'm going to assume was a prep room. I'm not at all sure it was the actual procedure room and if pushed I'd suggest it wasn't. Based on my only other experience with UK set-ups, when I had my ovary out, they prep you in the prep room but everything happens in the procedure room which basically you never get to see. I could see that there was a very wide door to a more clinical looking room at the other end of what I think was the prep room. But, I may never know.
Because, basically, they asked me to get on the table which had an absorption pad for under your pelvis. They brought the pillow and the blanket so once I got settled they had me covered and resting on the pillow. They attached three electrodes to me and hooked them up to a machine. In the meantime, the anesthetist needed to get the cannula in my wrist. Despite drinking lots, my veins were being fiddly so he had me do a bunch of pumping and then he got it in. Cannula's are not the most comfortable things. It's not that it really hurt, it was just uncomfortable, but he was very gentle with it and once it was in placed my hand across my chest. My doctor showed up and asked how I was. I said I'd felt more bloated since the trigger shot and more uncomfortable on that side, which he said was normal. He explained the procedure, what they were going to do and went through the possible risks. With all that done, the anesthetist said he'd give me a drug that might make me a bit woozy and then asked what my PhD was about. I was telling him, and he said something like, "Oh, so you could tell me how to improve my Victorian terrace house." and I said something like, "Yeah, I could." and the nurse was having me get my leg into a stirrup and that is the last thing I remember.
Next thing I know, I'm coming out of a very pleasant sleep feeling nice and warm and toasty. There's a blood pressure cuff on my arm I think, or maybe just the thing on your finger. At any rate, I'm completely back in the cubicle I started off in. No idea how I got from the one to the other. I don't feel particularly much of anything out of the ordinary. My abdomen is a bit crampy, but nothing worse than period pains, although I'm also on painkillers, so I should bear this in mind as at some point they are going to wear off. A nurses comes in and gives me a cup of water which I drink. Then she asks me if I'd like some tea and how I take it (with sugar, no milk).
So then she brings me a mug of tea and some hard cookies/biscuits. I drink the tea, I eat the biscuits and I feel very alert. Almost euphoric. I want to laugh. I suppose it's just the stress of everything being really over. I ask if my friend has arrived and they say yes. I look at the machine and realize that it's past 10:30. I've been out for a while! The nurse comes back after a bit to take out the cannula. Another nurse comes to remind me of the info sheet. What not to do today, what drugs not to take. And then basically I'm discharged. They say the embryologist will call me later with the details of the collection and I can get dressed.
I do, I give over my sharps bin. I realize I'm in a slight daze. I'm alert, but everything seems a bit surreal. I meet up with my friend, and we head out. It's that simple. I took public transport home although they said not to, honestly, it was completely fine. I just feel a bit crampy.
On the way home, stopped by the grocery so I could pick up a ready-meal for lunch as I don't have anything in and don't want to have to go out until later, my friend got me up to my front door, and then he went back to work, and here I am on the couch.
The embryologist just called around 12:30. I have six eggs. They collected six, and all six were mature and able to be frozen. I don't know if they were all fully mature or the various gradations of mature. As per usual, I was slightly in shock by the call and so did not have the wherewithal to ask the questions that are now going through my head.
Six.
Closer to five than to ten. But better than nothing. Not as good as I had hoped for. But six eggs in the freezer is six eggs I otherwise did not have in the freezer before. So cycle two will definitely be June. I guess before then I'll try to have an appointment with the doctor to see if he thinks we should change the protocol based on this one to see if something should change to see if I can get closer to the ten.
Because I was completely out of it for the procedure, I have no idea how many follicles there actually were in the end. On Friday there were 13. But I only have one ovary. The response is within the expected range of five to ten, so that's good, just on the lower side of the expected range, but hey, that's life.
Now I just have to be gentle with my body over the coming days until I get my period and my ovary starts to deflate back to normal size.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit disappointed by six. But then this entire journey is just one crazy emotional roller coaster ride. And I need to remind myself- what is the alternative? Six eggs in the freezer, is six 38 year old eggs that would otherwise have been flushed. I will do a second cycle. If I want to preserve my fertility chances, then this is the best possible thing I can be doing at this point in time, and if this is what my body gives me, then that's what it is. I have to remember, the alternative to this, is to have absolutely nothing.
Six is basically enough for one IVF cycle. Hopefully I'll get at least as many on the next cycle. Then I'll probably need to see if I can find finances for a third cycle depending on how the second one goes. But as my doctor tells me- one step at a time! For now, it's be gentle, wait for period, enjoy the break in between, and then prepare to do it all again.
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