Cyle 2: Day 6

So I just got back from my first scan after starting the stimulation.  As per last cycle, my follicles are slow starters.  The doctor measured 7.  He also measured my cyst, which does not appear to be growing.  I was a bit disappointed by 7 and thought that was less than the last cycle.  He checked and said at the first scan in the first cycle, he had noted 8.  So yeah, one less so far.  He didn't seem worried though and said that I just seem to have slow starters and it's too early to be able to tell anything yet.  He's keeping me on the same drug protocol as last time.  So I guess that means I'm definitely in for a long stimulation cycle.  And I'm preparing myself for a low number collection.

I think what's hard about the medication is how quickly I can get upset.  I honestly don't notice any other side effects of the stimulation drugs.  But when something happens that could possibly be upsetting, I feel like it's devastating.  That could also be because this process is stressful in general.  Obviously what anyone who is doing this wants is the most mature eggs as possible.  It's frustrating to know you can't really do anything about it.  What the scan shows is what your body has.

I keep reminding myself that if I had two ovaries, these would be really good results for someone who is almost 39.  In fact, if I was getting twice the number, I would be pleased.  So it's not really my body at fault.  I'm simply asking or wanting too much from it.  I'm being unrealistic.  I've come across women with two ovaries who have gotten the same number of eggs from their cycles.  I shouldn't be upset.

I guess it's not that I'm upset.  I'm just disappointed.  But then I remind myself, that the very best thing I can be doing right now to address this, is exactly what I'm doing right now.  And that makes me feel a little bit better.

Cycle 2: Day 1

So I went to the clinic today for my first scan and tonight is my first injection.  I remembered to take the Gonal-F out of the fridge so it won't be too cold.  My scan was fine.  Not with my usual doctor as he's on holiday, but with his colleague who I've seen before.  There wasn't much discussion or information.  Just an 'all good' and a schedule for injections!

I had to pay the big bill today, but since I've already paid for my drugs, that should be most of the money done for two cycles now.  I'll do a cost update at some point with all the costs.  I was paying for the egg freezing and talking to the office manager and I complained about how my follow up appointment was not included and that I had to a) request it and b) pay for, on the last cycle.  She agreed with me that it wasn't good but needs to talk about it with the doctors.  Meaning, she couldn't give me anything for it, but I'm glad I complained.

I was also slightly distressed that my cycle seems to be coinciding with all of the doctors being busy or away.  I tried to schedule my next scans and could only schedule the very next one, and a day after what I wanted.  So my next (second) scan is on Tuesday.  I really wanted Monday morning but there weren't any openings.  This means I need to go up to Cambridge, come back from Cambridge, go back to Cambridge, and come back from Cambridge whereas I really just wanted to go up and come back once.  Oh well.  It's a minor inconvenience really.  But the doctors being away is a bigger one.  I'll find out more on Tuesday about when and with who my next scans are going to be.  Not entirely pleased about it at the moment but I'm hoping it sorts itself out somehow.

Not much else to say yet.  I did pick up a sharps bin from the clinic as I didn't get one with my drug delivery (even though I was supposed to).  So at least that's sorted.

Right.  I guess I better go get it done!

Period

So my period has arrived.  Full flow started around 4pm or so which makes tomorrow 'day one' according to my clinic.  I will call them in the morning and arrange my first scan for Thursday which, if all looks well, will also be day 1 of injections.  For my first cycle I started shots on the 9th and had the retrieval on the 26th.  This month my first shot will be on the 13th. If my cycle takes as long, that puts my retrieval at the 30th.  I really hope it doesn't go as long this time!  But I have enough drugs ready in case it does.  I'm actually sort of excited to get this all going again.  I don't think I'll do the day by day journal that I did for my first cycle, but I'm sure I'll update with things that occur to me.

I will say one thing of significance which is, this time around I feel much more calm.  I've done this once already so there are less 'unknowns' and questions that I have.  I've also come to terms with how I feel right now about where I'm at relationship wise, with thinking about having children in the future, etc.  I'm also not scared or nervous, although of course I'm a bit anxious because there is always the worry about how many eggs you're going to get.  But that's the only thing I'm worrying about.  Everything else is much calmer this time around.  So that's good.  And a good thing to know if someone reading this is thinking of doing a second cycle.  I think the second cycle is probably a lot easier.

She says at the start.

F*** You, Post Office

I've had a very frustrating morning.  I only had enough norethisterone for 7 days and then the head nurse said after discussion I could take them for 9 days but they had to send me more.  So I ordered them and they mailed them to me but I was away last week when they arrived so I got a post slip and had to arrange redelivery.  I've waited all morning for it, it's not here and now the post office is closed for pick ups.  This means I will not be on the norethisterone for the 2 additional days.  I'm annoyed about this but I hasten to add, not panicked.  Mainly because my doctor suggested I only take them for the 7 days anyway (when I said that was what I had left from the first cycle) so it was a late change to add the 2 days.  And not by my doctor.  So it goes to show how... 'not rigorous' the process is.  Still, I had in my head I'm going to take pills for 7 days and then the pills don't arrive due to my FUCKING post office people and it really makes me angry.  I should have just not arranged the redelivery and gone this morning to pick everything up.    SO ANGRY.

Here We Go!

Day one of norethisterone pills.

And so it begins again!

Rolling

Well my period finally arrived and I've been in touch with the clinic to arrange my norethisterone start.  When I contacted them I pointed out that my period is definitely not on a 28 day cycle.  After my first collection, my period came March 8.  My next period started April 11.  This period has taken it's time and come May 14.  Of course everything seems to be scheduled around a 28 day cycle and that is not me.  So I commented on this and heard back that they want to put me on an extra day of norethisterone that starts June 1.  For the first cycle I was on 8 days so now I'll be on 9.  It also looks, based on this, that my collection will be late June and my injection start will be mid June.  So it's still a bit of time yet, but the ball is rolling!

OMG I Hate Waiting!

I'm waiting for my period so I can let the clinic know the first full day so I can plan my norethisterone for my next cycle.  Now, my period is slightly over the 28 day cycle, but my period was like the 8th, then the 10th, then the 11th.... and now it's the 11th and where is my period??  I'm getting a few 'hints' from my gut that it might be on the way, but really nothing. Not a glimmer.  It's ridiculous.  It's like the more I think about my period, the more my body decides it's going to keep it from me.  It's amazing how easy it is to get stressed about things that you normally wouldn't care at all about.  Because if I'm not thinking lighthearted thoughts about how silly it is, I'm thinking more damaging thoughts like, "OH MY GOD THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG."  Which is also silly, in its own different way.  But it's so easy.  It's so easy to slip into these sorts of mindsets.  And I think it's particularly easy to do it when you've only got yourself to talk about it with.  I'm sure there is nothing wrong and my period should arrive tomorrow.  Or maybe it arrives the day after.

It's fine.

But it's also annoying.