So my collection was this morning and I got 3 mature eggs that were able to be frozen.
This is not the ending that I was hoping for, for this particular journey or this final cycle. That brings the grand total of three rounds of egg freezing to 13 frozen eggs. Which is what many women (with two ovaries) get from their first and sometimes only cycle.
I hasten to add that I don't in any way regret that I've done this. Just that I am a bit sad about the results. As I think I mentioned in my last post, the odds of a live baby from 13 eggs seems maybe not so great. Of course there is no way to know that until I actually go to use the eggs. And even if I had 20 eggs there might not be a baby at the end of it.
It is what it is. I'm 39. It's little bit late. It would have made no sense to wait longer, although I do wish I had known about this, or done it sooner, these are things you can't change. So I worked with what I had, and so far this is what I've got. Which may actually be plenty or it may not at all.
I suppose I just don't have as much confidence as I would like. But as I say, that's a false hope anyway.
Everything towards the end of the cycle went easily and well. No problems with any of the injections. All was easy and simple at the clinic this morning. I don't have any pain or discomfort at the moment, though I might have a bit of cramping when everything wears off.
I have a counseling appointment in 2 weeks time and I think I'll schedule a follow up to talk through things like, when can I go back on birth control, and talk a bit about future pregnancy and timelines and things like that. The counseling appointment will probably be a good thing. The follow up appointment is a necessary thing, and I'll be annoyed, as usual, that I'll have to pay for it. But it's definitely weird to me to just leave things like this now. Especially when I have a number of questions.
When that's complete I'll also do a final cost tally.
And I'll probably prepare some final (or final for now) thoughts on this process overall. I think doing it right now however, probably isn't the best idea.
Showing posts with label egg collection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label egg collection. Show all posts
29 October 2013
24 October 2013
Cycle 3: Day 11
Had my last scan of this cycle this morning. Retrieval is scheduled for Tuesday. This means I'll be taking my trigger shot Sunday night which will be day 14. This is identical to my last cycle, and one day ahead of my first cycle.
This morning I woke up with a horrible lower back pain on the side of my ovary. I'm sure the enlarged ovary isn't helping any because I also feel pretty bloated in the stomach now, but the truth is, I get my fair share of lower back pain so I wasn't overly alarmed. I was annoyed though because what I usually do when I have this pain is some yoga stretching which is mostly spinal twisting. Given that twisting is a big no-no with an enlarged ovary, I've been suffering back pain all day now. It's not very nice. And of course I can't take any pain killers either. Ugh.
Saw the director of the clinic again this time as my normal doctor was fully booked. I've seen him once already this cycle so I didn't mind too much, although I would probably prefer to see the same doctor throughout. He had a good look and measure of the follicles and the ovary (I think because I also mentioned the back pain). Apparently everything is growing at pretty much an identical pace to the previous cycles so I suppose it's good that I'm reasonably reliable.
He counted six good sized follicles with a couple more behind, so that was good. I was watching the scan as he looked and it was difficult to tell sometimes where one started and another stopped. When they are side by side it's easy, but when they're on top of each other it's not as clear. At any rate, it looks like I have a bit more follicles than last cycle, although obviously they may not all contain eggs. I also have three more days of stimulating. So hopefully it will all go as previous and I get a reasonable number of eggs.
So having the retrieval day, my next order of business was to find someone to collect me from the clinic. I still think this is one of the more demoralizing aspects to egg freezing. My collection is on a Tuesday morning. So I have to ask someone to take off work to meet me. I don't have a partner where it would sort of be their obligation. It's not always easy. I've was pretty lucky the first two cycles but this one wasn't so easy. I had to call and email a few people before I finally found someone who could do it. I had talked to the receptionist about if I really couldn't find anyone and I did have a back-up plan to take a taxi home. It would have worked out either way, but I guess what I'm saying is, it's not nice to feel alone in the midst of this. It's just one more thing you don't really need.
Anyway, it's sorted.
And I'm probably particularly feeling grumpy because of the hormones. I can tell that I'm definitely grumpy!
I have enough drugs to see me through so that was all good. I'll end up with one 225 dose of Gonal-F left in the pen but that means I completely saved money by buying the drugs externally. The only thing I had to get from the clinic was the Voltarol suppository, but they give me that for free, so not a problem. Only four more days of injections left! I'm actually pretty excited that this is almost over!
In other news mulling over in my head, over on the eggsurance forum there has been a woman posting about how she tried to use her frozen eggs. I'm not sure of all the details, but it seems like she had 9 frozen eggs in total, it resulted in two embryos, both of which she implanted, but both of which were miscarried recently. That was a bit depressing to hear. I know there are a lot of factors that go into all of this and you can't really compare yourself to one person on a forum, but I'm just conscious that I'm not going to end up with that much many more eggs than she had. I guess it's important to remember that none of this is any sort of guarantee.
It's not worth thinking about it too much. I feel bad for the woman. There are other options, and I hope she feels satisfied that she did what she could, but it's definitely a blow.
Anyway.
Unless something remarkable happens between now and retrieval, I'll next write to say how it all went. I have an acupuncture appointment on Saturday which I'm oddly looking forward to. You'd think I'd be fed up with needles by now!!
This morning I woke up with a horrible lower back pain on the side of my ovary. I'm sure the enlarged ovary isn't helping any because I also feel pretty bloated in the stomach now, but the truth is, I get my fair share of lower back pain so I wasn't overly alarmed. I was annoyed though because what I usually do when I have this pain is some yoga stretching which is mostly spinal twisting. Given that twisting is a big no-no with an enlarged ovary, I've been suffering back pain all day now. It's not very nice. And of course I can't take any pain killers either. Ugh.
Saw the director of the clinic again this time as my normal doctor was fully booked. I've seen him once already this cycle so I didn't mind too much, although I would probably prefer to see the same doctor throughout. He had a good look and measure of the follicles and the ovary (I think because I also mentioned the back pain). Apparently everything is growing at pretty much an identical pace to the previous cycles so I suppose it's good that I'm reasonably reliable.
He counted six good sized follicles with a couple more behind, so that was good. I was watching the scan as he looked and it was difficult to tell sometimes where one started and another stopped. When they are side by side it's easy, but when they're on top of each other it's not as clear. At any rate, it looks like I have a bit more follicles than last cycle, although obviously they may not all contain eggs. I also have three more days of stimulating. So hopefully it will all go as previous and I get a reasonable number of eggs.
So having the retrieval day, my next order of business was to find someone to collect me from the clinic. I still think this is one of the more demoralizing aspects to egg freezing. My collection is on a Tuesday morning. So I have to ask someone to take off work to meet me. I don't have a partner where it would sort of be their obligation. It's not always easy. I've was pretty lucky the first two cycles but this one wasn't so easy. I had to call and email a few people before I finally found someone who could do it. I had talked to the receptionist about if I really couldn't find anyone and I did have a back-up plan to take a taxi home. It would have worked out either way, but I guess what I'm saying is, it's not nice to feel alone in the midst of this. It's just one more thing you don't really need.
Anyway, it's sorted.
And I'm probably particularly feeling grumpy because of the hormones. I can tell that I'm definitely grumpy!
I have enough drugs to see me through so that was all good. I'll end up with one 225 dose of Gonal-F left in the pen but that means I completely saved money by buying the drugs externally. The only thing I had to get from the clinic was the Voltarol suppository, but they give me that for free, so not a problem. Only four more days of injections left! I'm actually pretty excited that this is almost over!
In other news mulling over in my head, over on the eggsurance forum there has been a woman posting about how she tried to use her frozen eggs. I'm not sure of all the details, but it seems like she had 9 frozen eggs in total, it resulted in two embryos, both of which she implanted, but both of which were miscarried recently. That was a bit depressing to hear. I know there are a lot of factors that go into all of this and you can't really compare yourself to one person on a forum, but I'm just conscious that I'm not going to end up with that much many more eggs than she had. I guess it's important to remember that none of this is any sort of guarantee.
It's not worth thinking about it too much. I feel bad for the woman. There are other options, and I hope she feels satisfied that she did what she could, but it's definitely a blow.
Anyway.
Unless something remarkable happens between now and retrieval, I'll next write to say how it all went. I have an acupuncture appointment on Saturday which I'm oddly looking forward to. You'd think I'd be fed up with needles by now!!
29 June 2013
Cycle 2: Day 17
Sorry again for the day delay, all due to the stupid phone company. I'm now borrowing internet from my neighbor!
Facts first. I got 4 eggs and all 4 were able to be frozen. I'd like to have a bit more information than that, but I couldn't get my phone to work so instead the embryologist call went to voice-mail. I assume they were all mature and looked good. I hope the embryologist calls back today, but I'm not sure they will. I had a couple of other questions, but I can ask the doctor when I go back in a couple of weeks for a follow up appointment.
The day itself was both uneventful and eventful. My biggest gripe was that although I showed up 15 minutes early to make sure I was there for noon and I was supposed to be having my retrieval 37 hours past the Ovitrelle trigger at 12:30, I didn't even get in to my recovery room to change until 12:25 and I estimate my procedure was probably at 1:00 or even a little bit past. This just stressed me out, which is not what you really want when you're preparing for a medical procedure. I was assured by more than one person that it wouldn't make a difference but I was conscious of how few eggs I had to work with and the thought of losing a single one just gave me intense stress. This was compounded by my internet based knowledge that some clinics trigger as early as 35 hours before the retrieval and since my clinic goes with 37, that already seems on the "late" side of things. It just put a blip into my otherwise uneventful day!
So given that I was stressed I changed very quickly and was ready to go. A bit of 'hurry up and wait'. I could hear couples (mostly couples) in some of the other cubicles. This is the second time I've heard a male partner be rude to their female partner during what I assume is an IVF process. I get that men tend to fall into the 'I want to be able to help or I just get frustrated' category but seriously. This particular couple, it was obvious she was just out of retrieval and every time she saw him she came to enough to ask how many eggs they got. He said around 15. Then she'd slip out of consciousness, come back, and ask the same question. By the third time he started in with, "I already told you this!". Charming.
Eventually the anesthesiologist came to get me and we had a nice chat. I remembered a bit about him from the first time and I think he was amused that I remembered what we talked about. We chatted a bit more as he got me all set, put the cannula in, put electrodes on me. The doctor who did my procedure was not my main doctor but what I now think of as my second doctor. I remember asking about the delay and the impact. I also remember saying that I really wanted 4 eggs as a minimum and that if I got less I'd get depressed about it but then I'd get over it. They had me scooting down the table into position and I was alert when the mask went over my face, but not much beyond that. I think I have a vague memory of being transfered from the procedure table to the recovery bed. I definitely have a memory of the doctor coming to see me in the recovery room to tell me that got 4 eggs. Although that was very hazy, I know it happened, and then also turned out to be true, so reinforces that it happened.
Eventually I came to, nice and comfortable in the bed. The machine on my finger monitored my heart beat and a cuff on my arm did my blood pressure every five minutes. I came around more fully and the nurse told me my friend was here so I said they could let her come sit with me. They brought me tea with sugar and I drank that while chatting with my friend, none of which I can remember now. I know I was starving having not eaten since about 7 or 8 the night before so I also got some cookies and wolfed those down. Then I got dressed and we went home where my friend made me a lovely tray of macaroni and cheese for my dinner and for 'comfort'. Yum!
So today I feel mostly fine. Less cramping then the first cycle, but then, I had fewer follicles. I can still feel my ovary, so I know it's still enlarged and will stay like that until my period comes. On my last scan I had asked my doctor if I could cycle this week in Cambridge but he said he wouldn't advise it. His reasoning was that although the chance is small for torsion, because I only have the one ovary, his advice was to be super cautious about it and even a small risk was not one he would suggest I take, whereas if I had two ovaries he'd be less concerned. I thought that was fair, so I'm looking at a week of walking around Cambridge this week. But that's fine. I need to get my exercise back on track and walking seems a good way to start.
And so that's it for cycle 2. I'll update the costs again when I get around to it, and I'll update again when I have my follow up appointment. I also think I'm going to see the counselor that the clinic offers as a service, so I'll probably write about that as well. And obviously if and when cycle 3 comes on, I'll be back for that as well. Not quite done with this blog yet!
Facts first. I got 4 eggs and all 4 were able to be frozen. I'd like to have a bit more information than that, but I couldn't get my phone to work so instead the embryologist call went to voice-mail. I assume they were all mature and looked good. I hope the embryologist calls back today, but I'm not sure they will. I had a couple of other questions, but I can ask the doctor when I go back in a couple of weeks for a follow up appointment.
The day itself was both uneventful and eventful. My biggest gripe was that although I showed up 15 minutes early to make sure I was there for noon and I was supposed to be having my retrieval 37 hours past the Ovitrelle trigger at 12:30, I didn't even get in to my recovery room to change until 12:25 and I estimate my procedure was probably at 1:00 or even a little bit past. This just stressed me out, which is not what you really want when you're preparing for a medical procedure. I was assured by more than one person that it wouldn't make a difference but I was conscious of how few eggs I had to work with and the thought of losing a single one just gave me intense stress. This was compounded by my internet based knowledge that some clinics trigger as early as 35 hours before the retrieval and since my clinic goes with 37, that already seems on the "late" side of things. It just put a blip into my otherwise uneventful day!
So given that I was stressed I changed very quickly and was ready to go. A bit of 'hurry up and wait'. I could hear couples (mostly couples) in some of the other cubicles. This is the second time I've heard a male partner be rude to their female partner during what I assume is an IVF process. I get that men tend to fall into the 'I want to be able to help or I just get frustrated' category but seriously. This particular couple, it was obvious she was just out of retrieval and every time she saw him she came to enough to ask how many eggs they got. He said around 15. Then she'd slip out of consciousness, come back, and ask the same question. By the third time he started in with, "I already told you this!". Charming.
Eventually the anesthesiologist came to get me and we had a nice chat. I remembered a bit about him from the first time and I think he was amused that I remembered what we talked about. We chatted a bit more as he got me all set, put the cannula in, put electrodes on me. The doctor who did my procedure was not my main doctor but what I now think of as my second doctor. I remember asking about the delay and the impact. I also remember saying that I really wanted 4 eggs as a minimum and that if I got less I'd get depressed about it but then I'd get over it. They had me scooting down the table into position and I was alert when the mask went over my face, but not much beyond that. I think I have a vague memory of being transfered from the procedure table to the recovery bed. I definitely have a memory of the doctor coming to see me in the recovery room to tell me that got 4 eggs. Although that was very hazy, I know it happened, and then also turned out to be true, so reinforces that it happened.
Eventually I came to, nice and comfortable in the bed. The machine on my finger monitored my heart beat and a cuff on my arm did my blood pressure every five minutes. I came around more fully and the nurse told me my friend was here so I said they could let her come sit with me. They brought me tea with sugar and I drank that while chatting with my friend, none of which I can remember now. I know I was starving having not eaten since about 7 or 8 the night before so I also got some cookies and wolfed those down. Then I got dressed and we went home where my friend made me a lovely tray of macaroni and cheese for my dinner and for 'comfort'. Yum!
So today I feel mostly fine. Less cramping then the first cycle, but then, I had fewer follicles. I can still feel my ovary, so I know it's still enlarged and will stay like that until my period comes. On my last scan I had asked my doctor if I could cycle this week in Cambridge but he said he wouldn't advise it. His reasoning was that although the chance is small for torsion, because I only have the one ovary, his advice was to be super cautious about it and even a small risk was not one he would suggest I take, whereas if I had two ovaries he'd be less concerned. I thought that was fair, so I'm looking at a week of walking around Cambridge this week. But that's fine. I need to get my exercise back on track and walking seems a good way to start.
And so that's it for cycle 2. I'll update the costs again when I get around to it, and I'll update again when I have my follow up appointment. I also think I'm going to see the counselor that the clinic offers as a service, so I'll probably write about that as well. And obviously if and when cycle 3 comes on, I'll be back for that as well. Not quite done with this blog yet!
27 June 2013
Cycle 2: Day 15
So yesterday was a big day! Sorry to be a day behind but I got home and the phone company had shut off all the phones in my building which meant no easy internet.
Anyway, yesterday was scan day. Back to my regular doctor. Had a good scan and a good chat with him. The decision was made to trigger, so my collection is tomorrow (Friday). That's one day short of the last cycle but pretty much the same. I have 4 large follicles and any further stimulation could cause me to lose them. I may lose one already but we'll see. There are also 3-4 follicles just squeaking past 11mm. Apparently that's the threshold for finding mature eggs. So they will sweep all of them in the hopes of finding some. But I guess I should be looking for about 4 eggs tomorrow and anything more would be great and anything less will make me depressed and then I'll have to get over it.
So my appointment is at noon tomorrow. This meant I took only Cetrotide last night before 10:30 (I took it around 9:30, and I did it in a restaurant bathroom. Not ideal but it was all rather short notice and I figured that was better than cancelling my plans.). Then at precisely 11:30 at night I did the Ovitrelle injection. This was a different system than the one I got on my first cycle. This one came in a pen just like the Gonal-F so super easy. Not that the pre-filled syringe wasn't easy as well. I like injections that are easy.
And now I wait. Today no injections. No food or drink past midnight. On the first cycle my collection was early in the morning, so it was easy not to do food or drink. This time I have to wait out half a day which is going to be a bit more challenging although obviously not nearly impossible. Just annoying really. Also no deodorant or anything so I'll take a shower before I go and hope it's not too warm out. Oh, and of course there's the lovely Voltarol suppository that I just need to "pop in" before heading to the clinic. Fun times.
I've arranged a friend to come meet me and go home with me. Much easier this time as the first person I asked could do it. And she's super sweet, she asked me what I wanted as some comfort food so she'd make it for me when we get back to mine. Macaroni and cheese, you are mine all mine!
In other news I learned how I get moved from the procedure room to the recovery room. Apparently they wheel in the recovery room bed and slide you across. That makes sense. I knew it wasn't the same bed! I also asked about follow up appointments. Apparently the reason I got charged for the last one is I had a scan. A talking follow up appointment is free, but the scan costs. I still find that slightly annoying, especially since I was "feeling" my ovary and I think it's reasonable aftercare to have a look and make sure nothing is wrong. But this time I know, or rather, expect that my ovary will take a while to get back to "normal" so I won't have a scan after but I will make a follow up appointment to discuss what the next steps are. If I do get 4 eggs I'll have 10 on ice. That's really not enough for me to feel comfortable. But I can probably only afford one more cycle. So we'll see.
The only differences between last cycle and this cycle other than my taking conception vitamins was one less day of norethisterone prior to stimulation. There haven't been any other impact factors. I mean, other than I'm stressed, but I'm pretty sure I was stressed for the first cycle. And I mean "life" stressed not egg freezing stressed. Meh. It is what it is! I'm doing the best I can! (Repeat).
Oh, the other thing I talked about with the doctor was in vitro maturation of eggs that aren't mature. He wasn't in favor saying the results are really generally poor and in fact as a clinic they are so underwhelmed by the success of in vitro matured eggs they don't offer it. Again, who am I to argue with the doctor? Their success rates as a clinic are high. I'm sure that it does work for some people, but I guess they look at it as an overall benefit and don't see it as panning out. So one less thing for me to consider. That's fine. I'm okay with that.
So anyway, depending on when I have home internet again, I'll update with the results. Nothing to do now but wait! (And drink gallons of water.)
Anyway, yesterday was scan day. Back to my regular doctor. Had a good scan and a good chat with him. The decision was made to trigger, so my collection is tomorrow (Friday). That's one day short of the last cycle but pretty much the same. I have 4 large follicles and any further stimulation could cause me to lose them. I may lose one already but we'll see. There are also 3-4 follicles just squeaking past 11mm. Apparently that's the threshold for finding mature eggs. So they will sweep all of them in the hopes of finding some. But I guess I should be looking for about 4 eggs tomorrow and anything more would be great and anything less will make me depressed and then I'll have to get over it.
So my appointment is at noon tomorrow. This meant I took only Cetrotide last night before 10:30 (I took it around 9:30, and I did it in a restaurant bathroom. Not ideal but it was all rather short notice and I figured that was better than cancelling my plans.). Then at precisely 11:30 at night I did the Ovitrelle injection. This was a different system than the one I got on my first cycle. This one came in a pen just like the Gonal-F so super easy. Not that the pre-filled syringe wasn't easy as well. I like injections that are easy.
And now I wait. Today no injections. No food or drink past midnight. On the first cycle my collection was early in the morning, so it was easy not to do food or drink. This time I have to wait out half a day which is going to be a bit more challenging although obviously not nearly impossible. Just annoying really. Also no deodorant or anything so I'll take a shower before I go and hope it's not too warm out. Oh, and of course there's the lovely Voltarol suppository that I just need to "pop in" before heading to the clinic. Fun times.
I've arranged a friend to come meet me and go home with me. Much easier this time as the first person I asked could do it. And she's super sweet, she asked me what I wanted as some comfort food so she'd make it for me when we get back to mine. Macaroni and cheese, you are mine all mine!
In other news I learned how I get moved from the procedure room to the recovery room. Apparently they wheel in the recovery room bed and slide you across. That makes sense. I knew it wasn't the same bed! I also asked about follow up appointments. Apparently the reason I got charged for the last one is I had a scan. A talking follow up appointment is free, but the scan costs. I still find that slightly annoying, especially since I was "feeling" my ovary and I think it's reasonable aftercare to have a look and make sure nothing is wrong. But this time I know, or rather, expect that my ovary will take a while to get back to "normal" so I won't have a scan after but I will make a follow up appointment to discuss what the next steps are. If I do get 4 eggs I'll have 10 on ice. That's really not enough for me to feel comfortable. But I can probably only afford one more cycle. So we'll see.
The only differences between last cycle and this cycle other than my taking conception vitamins was one less day of norethisterone prior to stimulation. There haven't been any other impact factors. I mean, other than I'm stressed, but I'm pretty sure I was stressed for the first cycle. And I mean "life" stressed not egg freezing stressed. Meh. It is what it is! I'm doing the best I can! (Repeat).
Oh, the other thing I talked about with the doctor was in vitro maturation of eggs that aren't mature. He wasn't in favor saying the results are really generally poor and in fact as a clinic they are so underwhelmed by the success of in vitro matured eggs they don't offer it. Again, who am I to argue with the doctor? Their success rates as a clinic are high. I'm sure that it does work for some people, but I guess they look at it as an overall benefit and don't see it as panning out. So one less thing for me to consider. That's fine. I'm okay with that.
So anyway, depending on when I have home internet again, I'll update with the results. Nothing to do now but wait! (And drink gallons of water.)
28 February 2013
48 Hours Later
I'm finally starting to feel a little bit more normal.
When I wrote my last post, I was at home relaxing after the procedure. I did manage to go up to Cambridge that night and I did note that the more I moved around the more "crampy" and "achy" my abdominal area seemed to be. And it wasn't only concentrated on my left side where my ovary is.
I took some paracetamol as I was told I could and slept okay when I finally got home, although I woke up with more abdominal discomfort and a bit of bloating. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I had a lot of gas but not much productivity. This reminded me that when I had the surgery to have my ovary removed, they told me that abdominal intrusion can make the digestive track seize up. In fact, they wouldn't let me leave the hospital until I'd pooped back then. So I started to wonder if something similar wasn't going on.
Yesterday I had a course to go on so I did that and continued to have the occasional over the counter painkiller. Uncomfortable, but not really worse than bad period pains. I was noting that it seemed more 'abdominal' than 'right side' and although I was drinking a lot, and peeing a lot, no other action was going on.
As I didn't bring my bicycle up (like I usually do) I decided to walk home last night which is a little over a mile. It wasn't the most comfortable walk, but I took it slow and steady. I felt that getting some light physical activity in might help my system get moving. Got home, lots of air, no action.
This morning however, my abdominal area feels much better. I got up and had results in the bathroom. I have no idea of I'm making connections that aren't there, but I do know I feel much more comfortable and generally better. Still a bit of bloating and now any aches are pretty much identifiable as on my left side where the ovary is still enlarged.
Also, I've noticed that I think I bit my tongue under sedation and maybe it pressed on my jaw a bit funny if they gave me an oxygen mask as both sides of my jaw, close to my ears is sore to the touch. First I thought it was a pimple, but then I noticed it was on both sides and think it was something else. The tongue thing is annoying, but it will sort itself out.
So I guess I just wait for my period and finally my body can return to normal for a bit, before I go for it again in June.
I feel less disappointed by my six eggs. And I'm really pleased that they are there waiting for me in the freezer. It does make me determined to do at least one more cycle, but I am glad that I have done this. My chances at future pregnancy only diminish from here on out, so those six eggs, and whatever I get in June are a great investment.
When I get back to London I will try to do a break-down post about my costs, as I think it's something useful there should be more information about. I should also have my formal letter from the clinic regarding the extraction, so I will post if there is anything interesting from that. I may also, in the interim, post some thoughts on future parenthood. But in general, I suspect this blog will go a bit quiet until my next cycle starts up.
I'm glad that my story has helped some people. Any questions, please email or leave a comment. And if you are starting your own journey and begin a blog, please send me the link and I will add it to the blog roll on the right.
When I wrote my last post, I was at home relaxing after the procedure. I did manage to go up to Cambridge that night and I did note that the more I moved around the more "crampy" and "achy" my abdominal area seemed to be. And it wasn't only concentrated on my left side where my ovary is.
I took some paracetamol as I was told I could and slept okay when I finally got home, although I woke up with more abdominal discomfort and a bit of bloating. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I had a lot of gas but not much productivity. This reminded me that when I had the surgery to have my ovary removed, they told me that abdominal intrusion can make the digestive track seize up. In fact, they wouldn't let me leave the hospital until I'd pooped back then. So I started to wonder if something similar wasn't going on.
Yesterday I had a course to go on so I did that and continued to have the occasional over the counter painkiller. Uncomfortable, but not really worse than bad period pains. I was noting that it seemed more 'abdominal' than 'right side' and although I was drinking a lot, and peeing a lot, no other action was going on.
As I didn't bring my bicycle up (like I usually do) I decided to walk home last night which is a little over a mile. It wasn't the most comfortable walk, but I took it slow and steady. I felt that getting some light physical activity in might help my system get moving. Got home, lots of air, no action.
This morning however, my abdominal area feels much better. I got up and had results in the bathroom. I have no idea of I'm making connections that aren't there, but I do know I feel much more comfortable and generally better. Still a bit of bloating and now any aches are pretty much identifiable as on my left side where the ovary is still enlarged.
Also, I've noticed that I think I bit my tongue under sedation and maybe it pressed on my jaw a bit funny if they gave me an oxygen mask as both sides of my jaw, close to my ears is sore to the touch. First I thought it was a pimple, but then I noticed it was on both sides and think it was something else. The tongue thing is annoying, but it will sort itself out.
So I guess I just wait for my period and finally my body can return to normal for a bit, before I go for it again in June.
I feel less disappointed by my six eggs. And I'm really pleased that they are there waiting for me in the freezer. It does make me determined to do at least one more cycle, but I am glad that I have done this. My chances at future pregnancy only diminish from here on out, so those six eggs, and whatever I get in June are a great investment.
When I get back to London I will try to do a break-down post about my costs, as I think it's something useful there should be more information about. I should also have my formal letter from the clinic regarding the extraction, so I will post if there is anything interesting from that. I may also, in the interim, post some thoughts on future parenthood. But in general, I suspect this blog will go a bit quiet until my next cycle starts up.
I'm glad that my story has helped some people. Any questions, please email or leave a comment. And if you are starting your own journey and begin a blog, please send me the link and I will add it to the blog roll on the right.
26 February 2013
Day 17 - Egg retrieval
So it's about a quarter past noon and I am at home sprawled on my couch chilling out. I don't know anything yet, so I'm going to probably save this post as a draft and update it later so it contains the entire story of the day. Although if you're reading this and I've posted it, it will contain the full story.
But while it's relatively fresh in my head, let me record how today has gone so far.
So I had dinner last night around 8pm and then only water with the last water being probably around 10:30 or so. Was feeling a bit anxious- just went to bed after setting two different alarms.
Woke up before both alarms and also at some time in the night because I had to pee. I did try to drink a bunch of water yesterday- not only because I hear it makes recovery after the collection better, but also because my veins can be fiddly so it's better if I'm more hydrated than not. So I just lay in bed in and out of sleep waiting for the alarms. Eventually got up. Straight into the shower. Just a single swipe of deodorant, no other perfumes or scented products. Took care of the suppository, put my clothes on, grabbed my sealed sharps bin and headed out.
Got to the clinic around 8:20. The receptionists weren't there yet, although I saw people moving about inside, they didn't come answer the door when I rang. Had to wait about five minutes for someone to come to work who let me in, asked if I was there for a procedure, had me sit and then it was really a minute or less before one of the nurses came to get me.
First she asked me to empty my bladder, so I did that. Then she took me into the procedure/recovery suite. She showed me to a cubicle area and said it would be my area. It had a hospital type bed covered in paper, a pillow, a blanket, a hospital gown, a blood pressure machine, a chair, and a wardrobe. She told me I could put all of my things in the wardrobe. After covering my name and birthday, taking my blood pressure, and checking when I had last eaten or drank, she asked me to change into the gown and then just wait for the anesthetist. And she closed the curtain to my cubicle.
So I did all this. It's a bit awkward to try to tie up a gown in the back on your own. Yet another moment of "Ugh, this sucks to be on your own." but it quickly passed. I got changed, on the bed, covered myself up with the blanket and tried to just stay calm and rest. After all, I hadn't slept all that great, and I was nervous.
Another couple came in to a different cubicle for another procedure.
Then the anesthetist arrived. A kindly older man who asked me again for my name and birthday and when I last ate or drank and we went through some basic medical history that would be relevant to anesthetics. He seemed to suggest all was in order, so we could get ready to go.
The nurse came back for me and we walked to what I'm going to assume was a prep room. I'm not at all sure it was the actual procedure room and if pushed I'd suggest it wasn't. Based on my only other experience with UK set-ups, when I had my ovary out, they prep you in the prep room but everything happens in the procedure room which basically you never get to see. I could see that there was a very wide door to a more clinical looking room at the other end of what I think was the prep room. But, I may never know.
Because, basically, they asked me to get on the table which had an absorption pad for under your pelvis. They brought the pillow and the blanket so once I got settled they had me covered and resting on the pillow. They attached three electrodes to me and hooked them up to a machine. In the meantime, the anesthetist needed to get the cannula in my wrist. Despite drinking lots, my veins were being fiddly so he had me do a bunch of pumping and then he got it in. Cannula's are not the most comfortable things. It's not that it really hurt, it was just uncomfortable, but he was very gentle with it and once it was in placed my hand across my chest. My doctor showed up and asked how I was. I said I'd felt more bloated since the trigger shot and more uncomfortable on that side, which he said was normal. He explained the procedure, what they were going to do and went through the possible risks. With all that done, the anesthetist said he'd give me a drug that might make me a bit woozy and then asked what my PhD was about. I was telling him, and he said something like, "Oh, so you could tell me how to improve my Victorian terrace house." and I said something like, "Yeah, I could." and the nurse was having me get my leg into a stirrup and that is the last thing I remember.
Next thing I know, I'm coming out of a very pleasant sleep feeling nice and warm and toasty. There's a blood pressure cuff on my arm I think, or maybe just the thing on your finger. At any rate, I'm completely back in the cubicle I started off in. No idea how I got from the one to the other. I don't feel particularly much of anything out of the ordinary. My abdomen is a bit crampy, but nothing worse than period pains, although I'm also on painkillers, so I should bear this in mind as at some point they are going to wear off. A nurses comes in and gives me a cup of water which I drink. Then she asks me if I'd like some tea and how I take it (with sugar, no milk).
So then she brings me a mug of tea and some hard cookies/biscuits. I drink the tea, I eat the biscuits and I feel very alert. Almost euphoric. I want to laugh. I suppose it's just the stress of everything being really over. I ask if my friend has arrived and they say yes. I look at the machine and realize that it's past 10:30. I've been out for a while! The nurse comes back after a bit to take out the cannula. Another nurse comes to remind me of the info sheet. What not to do today, what drugs not to take. And then basically I'm discharged. They say the embryologist will call me later with the details of the collection and I can get dressed.
I do, I give over my sharps bin. I realize I'm in a slight daze. I'm alert, but everything seems a bit surreal. I meet up with my friend, and we head out. It's that simple. I took public transport home although they said not to, honestly, it was completely fine. I just feel a bit crampy.
On the way home, stopped by the grocery so I could pick up a ready-meal for lunch as I don't have anything in and don't want to have to go out until later, my friend got me up to my front door, and then he went back to work, and here I am on the couch.
The embryologist just called around 12:30. I have six eggs. They collected six, and all six were mature and able to be frozen. I don't know if they were all fully mature or the various gradations of mature. As per usual, I was slightly in shock by the call and so did not have the wherewithal to ask the questions that are now going through my head.
Six.
Closer to five than to ten. But better than nothing. Not as good as I had hoped for. But six eggs in the freezer is six eggs I otherwise did not have in the freezer before. So cycle two will definitely be June. I guess before then I'll try to have an appointment with the doctor to see if he thinks we should change the protocol based on this one to see if something should change to see if I can get closer to the ten.
Because I was completely out of it for the procedure, I have no idea how many follicles there actually were in the end. On Friday there were 13. But I only have one ovary. The response is within the expected range of five to ten, so that's good, just on the lower side of the expected range, but hey, that's life.
Now I just have to be gentle with my body over the coming days until I get my period and my ovary starts to deflate back to normal size.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit disappointed by six. But then this entire journey is just one crazy emotional roller coaster ride. And I need to remind myself- what is the alternative? Six eggs in the freezer, is six 38 year old eggs that would otherwise have been flushed. I will do a second cycle. If I want to preserve my fertility chances, then this is the best possible thing I can be doing at this point in time, and if this is what my body gives me, then that's what it is. I have to remember, the alternative to this, is to have absolutely nothing.
Six is basically enough for one IVF cycle. Hopefully I'll get at least as many on the next cycle. Then I'll probably need to see if I can find finances for a third cycle depending on how the second one goes. But as my doctor tells me- one step at a time! For now, it's be gentle, wait for period, enjoy the break in between, and then prepare to do it all again.
But while it's relatively fresh in my head, let me record how today has gone so far.
So I had dinner last night around 8pm and then only water with the last water being probably around 10:30 or so. Was feeling a bit anxious- just went to bed after setting two different alarms.
Woke up before both alarms and also at some time in the night because I had to pee. I did try to drink a bunch of water yesterday- not only because I hear it makes recovery after the collection better, but also because my veins can be fiddly so it's better if I'm more hydrated than not. So I just lay in bed in and out of sleep waiting for the alarms. Eventually got up. Straight into the shower. Just a single swipe of deodorant, no other perfumes or scented products. Took care of the suppository, put my clothes on, grabbed my sealed sharps bin and headed out.
Got to the clinic around 8:20. The receptionists weren't there yet, although I saw people moving about inside, they didn't come answer the door when I rang. Had to wait about five minutes for someone to come to work who let me in, asked if I was there for a procedure, had me sit and then it was really a minute or less before one of the nurses came to get me.
First she asked me to empty my bladder, so I did that. Then she took me into the procedure/recovery suite. She showed me to a cubicle area and said it would be my area. It had a hospital type bed covered in paper, a pillow, a blanket, a hospital gown, a blood pressure machine, a chair, and a wardrobe. She told me I could put all of my things in the wardrobe. After covering my name and birthday, taking my blood pressure, and checking when I had last eaten or drank, she asked me to change into the gown and then just wait for the anesthetist. And she closed the curtain to my cubicle.
So I did all this. It's a bit awkward to try to tie up a gown in the back on your own. Yet another moment of "Ugh, this sucks to be on your own." but it quickly passed. I got changed, on the bed, covered myself up with the blanket and tried to just stay calm and rest. After all, I hadn't slept all that great, and I was nervous.
Another couple came in to a different cubicle for another procedure.
Then the anesthetist arrived. A kindly older man who asked me again for my name and birthday and when I last ate or drank and we went through some basic medical history that would be relevant to anesthetics. He seemed to suggest all was in order, so we could get ready to go.
The nurse came back for me and we walked to what I'm going to assume was a prep room. I'm not at all sure it was the actual procedure room and if pushed I'd suggest it wasn't. Based on my only other experience with UK set-ups, when I had my ovary out, they prep you in the prep room but everything happens in the procedure room which basically you never get to see. I could see that there was a very wide door to a more clinical looking room at the other end of what I think was the prep room. But, I may never know.
Because, basically, they asked me to get on the table which had an absorption pad for under your pelvis. They brought the pillow and the blanket so once I got settled they had me covered and resting on the pillow. They attached three electrodes to me and hooked them up to a machine. In the meantime, the anesthetist needed to get the cannula in my wrist. Despite drinking lots, my veins were being fiddly so he had me do a bunch of pumping and then he got it in. Cannula's are not the most comfortable things. It's not that it really hurt, it was just uncomfortable, but he was very gentle with it and once it was in placed my hand across my chest. My doctor showed up and asked how I was. I said I'd felt more bloated since the trigger shot and more uncomfortable on that side, which he said was normal. He explained the procedure, what they were going to do and went through the possible risks. With all that done, the anesthetist said he'd give me a drug that might make me a bit woozy and then asked what my PhD was about. I was telling him, and he said something like, "Oh, so you could tell me how to improve my Victorian terrace house." and I said something like, "Yeah, I could." and the nurse was having me get my leg into a stirrup and that is the last thing I remember.
Next thing I know, I'm coming out of a very pleasant sleep feeling nice and warm and toasty. There's a blood pressure cuff on my arm I think, or maybe just the thing on your finger. At any rate, I'm completely back in the cubicle I started off in. No idea how I got from the one to the other. I don't feel particularly much of anything out of the ordinary. My abdomen is a bit crampy, but nothing worse than period pains, although I'm also on painkillers, so I should bear this in mind as at some point they are going to wear off. A nurses comes in and gives me a cup of water which I drink. Then she asks me if I'd like some tea and how I take it (with sugar, no milk).
So then she brings me a mug of tea and some hard cookies/biscuits. I drink the tea, I eat the biscuits and I feel very alert. Almost euphoric. I want to laugh. I suppose it's just the stress of everything being really over. I ask if my friend has arrived and they say yes. I look at the machine and realize that it's past 10:30. I've been out for a while! The nurse comes back after a bit to take out the cannula. Another nurse comes to remind me of the info sheet. What not to do today, what drugs not to take. And then basically I'm discharged. They say the embryologist will call me later with the details of the collection and I can get dressed.
I do, I give over my sharps bin. I realize I'm in a slight daze. I'm alert, but everything seems a bit surreal. I meet up with my friend, and we head out. It's that simple. I took public transport home although they said not to, honestly, it was completely fine. I just feel a bit crampy.
On the way home, stopped by the grocery so I could pick up a ready-meal for lunch as I don't have anything in and don't want to have to go out until later, my friend got me up to my front door, and then he went back to work, and here I am on the couch.
The embryologist just called around 12:30. I have six eggs. They collected six, and all six were mature and able to be frozen. I don't know if they were all fully mature or the various gradations of mature. As per usual, I was slightly in shock by the call and so did not have the wherewithal to ask the questions that are now going through my head.
Six.
Closer to five than to ten. But better than nothing. Not as good as I had hoped for. But six eggs in the freezer is six eggs I otherwise did not have in the freezer before. So cycle two will definitely be June. I guess before then I'll try to have an appointment with the doctor to see if he thinks we should change the protocol based on this one to see if something should change to see if I can get closer to the ten.
Because I was completely out of it for the procedure, I have no idea how many follicles there actually were in the end. On Friday there were 13. But I only have one ovary. The response is within the expected range of five to ten, so that's good, just on the lower side of the expected range, but hey, that's life.
Now I just have to be gentle with my body over the coming days until I get my period and my ovary starts to deflate back to normal size.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit disappointed by six. But then this entire journey is just one crazy emotional roller coaster ride. And I need to remind myself- what is the alternative? Six eggs in the freezer, is six 38 year old eggs that would otherwise have been flushed. I will do a second cycle. If I want to preserve my fertility chances, then this is the best possible thing I can be doing at this point in time, and if this is what my body gives me, then that's what it is. I have to remember, the alternative to this, is to have absolutely nothing.
Six is basically enough for one IVF cycle. Hopefully I'll get at least as many on the next cycle. Then I'll probably need to see if I can find finances for a third cycle depending on how the second one goes. But as my doctor tells me- one step at a time! For now, it's be gentle, wait for period, enjoy the break in between, and then prepare to do it all again.
25 February 2013
Day 16 - It's the Final Countdown
I can't believe I have taken my last shots of this cycle! I was very good about taking my two shots last night exactly on time. My last Cetrotide was at 7:01pm and my Ovitrelle was at 8:01pm. Go me.
And because it's something new, I also have some new pictures to share. First, there's the Ovitrelle. It needed to be kept in the fridge. I looked online and it seemed reasonable to believe that I could remove it from the fridge about 30 minutes before injection so it was less chilly. So I did. Here is the box:
Having removed it from the fridge 30 minutes before injecting, it wasn't noticeably cold in any way or uncomfortable compared to my other injections. Now, you might notice the air bubble that it comes with. I did ask the nurse and she said not to worry about the air bubble. That as the injection was subcutaneous, it doesn't matter. Air bubbles really only matter if they get into your veins. But I wasn't thrilled with the big air bubble so I did get rid of most of it before doing the injection although not all of it- as I didn't want to risk losing any of the injection itself. It went in no problem and then I was done:
I did think one thing interesting about this syringe was how it was sort of "all glass". The Cetrotide syringes had a plastic plunger. I thought this was actually a rather attractive sort of syringe. If such things can be viewed in any was as attractive. Anyway, I put the cover back on the needle and put my last bit of sharp into my sharps bin!
And so that's it really. The only thing left in my bag of tricks is the lovely suppository.
Oh yippee. It's funny to read some of the forums where people get all squeamish about suppositories. Honestly, you've been jabbing yourself with needles for two weeks and getting done by an ultrasound dildo every few days and you can't manage to pop something up your bum? I find this line of modesty sort of amusing. But in reality, that picture makes it look a bit invasive. Really, it's very tiny and I'm sure it will be no problem at all.
And so tomorrow I will have answers to questions that no one can answer for me. Today I am going to drink huge amounts of water and eat sensibly but light (I had a massive Sunday roast yesterday and ate red meat like it was going out of style). No food or drink after midnight- though I plan to be asleep by then. Then up bright and early to have a shower and then avoid putting on deodorant or anything else with a scent as instructed by my clinic, pop in the suppository, grab my sharps box, and get on public transport at 7:30 to be there for 8:30 for my procedure at 9am.
It's hard not to be hopeful. And simultaneously afraid of a bad result. It will be what it will be. There is nothing else I can do but wait and see. And I will update here when I am able. I still plan to travel up to Cambridge tomorrow night though, so we'll see how everything is going. It could all be panic stations around here just due to my life, as of now put on hold, resuming with force.
And because it's something new, I also have some new pictures to share. First, there's the Ovitrelle. It needed to be kept in the fridge. I looked online and it seemed reasonable to believe that I could remove it from the fridge about 30 minutes before injection so it was less chilly. So I did. Here is the box:
And here is what is inside the box. One pre-filled and ready-to-go syringe. Oh, and also there was a little instruction and information sheet, but it wasn't very useful or interesting so I didn't photograph that.
Having removed it from the fridge 30 minutes before injecting, it wasn't noticeably cold in any way or uncomfortable compared to my other injections. Now, you might notice the air bubble that it comes with. I did ask the nurse and she said not to worry about the air bubble. That as the injection was subcutaneous, it doesn't matter. Air bubbles really only matter if they get into your veins. But I wasn't thrilled with the big air bubble so I did get rid of most of it before doing the injection although not all of it- as I didn't want to risk losing any of the injection itself. It went in no problem and then I was done:
I did think one thing interesting about this syringe was how it was sort of "all glass". The Cetrotide syringes had a plastic plunger. I thought this was actually a rather attractive sort of syringe. If such things can be viewed in any was as attractive. Anyway, I put the cover back on the needle and put my last bit of sharp into my sharps bin!
So here you see it. The results of my first cycle of sharps. Pretty much filled the bin. you can see that it says not to fill above the line and I'd suggest that it was pretty much filled exactly to the line! This was mainly due to all of the extra and unused needles that come with the Gonal-F pens. Pretty wasteful, those. Anyway, I figure I will take this with me tomorrow morning to the clinic and give it to them for disposal so I got to lock down the lid!
And so that's it really. The only thing left in my bag of tricks is the lovely suppository.
Oh yippee. It's funny to read some of the forums where people get all squeamish about suppositories. Honestly, you've been jabbing yourself with needles for two weeks and getting done by an ultrasound dildo every few days and you can't manage to pop something up your bum? I find this line of modesty sort of amusing. But in reality, that picture makes it look a bit invasive. Really, it's very tiny and I'm sure it will be no problem at all.
And so tomorrow I will have answers to questions that no one can answer for me. Today I am going to drink huge amounts of water and eat sensibly but light (I had a massive Sunday roast yesterday and ate red meat like it was going out of style). No food or drink after midnight- though I plan to be asleep by then. Then up bright and early to have a shower and then avoid putting on deodorant or anything else with a scent as instructed by my clinic, pop in the suppository, grab my sharps box, and get on public transport at 7:30 to be there for 8:30 for my procedure at 9am.
It's hard not to be hopeful. And simultaneously afraid of a bad result. It will be what it will be. There is nothing else I can do but wait and see. And I will update here when I am able. I still plan to travel up to Cambridge tomorrow night though, so we'll see how everything is going. It could all be panic stations around here just due to my life, as of now put on hold, resuming with force.
24 February 2013
Days 14, 15
Last night was my last Gonal-F injection!! It was 187.5 as opposed to the 225 I've been taking for the rest of my cycle. And of course the Cetrotide. The past two days all of the injections have been pretty easy which has been nice. Today I have my last injections before egg collection. At 7pm I take the Cetrotide and then at 8pm I take the Ovitrelle that is waiting for me in the fridge. Monday- no shots! Then Tuesday morning I need to pop in a Voltarol suppository before heading to the clinic super early. The Voltarol is for pain relief and seems standard practice for some UK clinics according to forums on the internet.
I've arranged for my friend to be there by 10 and I imagine I should be able to leave by 11 at the latest. So the end is almost here. I can see it. I'm both nervous and excited. And I'm not going to lie, I'm also excited to get my life back for a couple of months where I'm not injecting myself every night and giving up alcohol and caffeine.
My right side where my ovary is feels a bit tight but honestly it's felt worse at different parts of this journey. I've been very careful to avoid twisting and I can't help worry about things like OHSS and what happens after egg collection, but by the time my period comes it should all be flushing away and reverting to normal.
It's easy to get wrapped up in this experience but I still find it challenging that the support and advice for egg freezing is just dwarfed by IVF. The issues are entirely different. I do find it useful to read IVF forums for understanding issues regarding the egg collection process, but all this DH this and BFN/P that- it's not relevant to my journey and in some ways highlights the wrong thing about this process as it only painfully reminds me that my life is not where I had hoped it would be at this point.
It's also interesting the responses I've had from different friends about what I'm doing. I have been reasonably open about telling friends of mine what I'm doing and the results have ranged from "That's amazing and you would make a great mother." to "Why would you do that?" to "Why don't you just get pregnant now?". The responses have not necessarily coordinated with the friends I thought they would have, either.
I'm not rushing in to any decisions. I just feel that this gives me an option I would otherwise be passing up. And I believe that it is a good idea and the right thing for me to be doing at this time. In addition, having lost an ovary already, it makes sense to try to preserve eggs from my remaining ovary which, as discussed already has a small cyst on it, because as I well know- anything can happen and then your choices can be taken away from you.
On the other hand, it puts into stark relief things about my life that have disappointed me. It forces me to consider things that I have not necessarily been considering. And I feel it is additionally challenging to be undertaking all of this alone without anyone to truly share 'the burden' of the harder thoughts with. Or just the stupid moments of having injections and sharps boxes.
It's part of the reason I made this blog, and have tried to find others. Or maybe I'm just someone who likes sharing. Anyway. Enough Sunday morning rambling! I will continue to keep this blog updated with the results of this cycle, any thoughts in between, and when I do the second cycle (which I am entirely assuming I will do as there is no reason at this point to think I won't) I'll return to it, though possibly not the day by day description that this first cycle has been. But as my doctor says, that's still a ways away. First things first!
Last day of shots today!! Woohoo!!
I've arranged for my friend to be there by 10 and I imagine I should be able to leave by 11 at the latest. So the end is almost here. I can see it. I'm both nervous and excited. And I'm not going to lie, I'm also excited to get my life back for a couple of months where I'm not injecting myself every night and giving up alcohol and caffeine.
My right side where my ovary is feels a bit tight but honestly it's felt worse at different parts of this journey. I've been very careful to avoid twisting and I can't help worry about things like OHSS and what happens after egg collection, but by the time my period comes it should all be flushing away and reverting to normal.
It's easy to get wrapped up in this experience but I still find it challenging that the support and advice for egg freezing is just dwarfed by IVF. The issues are entirely different. I do find it useful to read IVF forums for understanding issues regarding the egg collection process, but all this DH this and BFN/P that- it's not relevant to my journey and in some ways highlights the wrong thing about this process as it only painfully reminds me that my life is not where I had hoped it would be at this point.
It's also interesting the responses I've had from different friends about what I'm doing. I have been reasonably open about telling friends of mine what I'm doing and the results have ranged from "That's amazing and you would make a great mother." to "Why would you do that?" to "Why don't you just get pregnant now?". The responses have not necessarily coordinated with the friends I thought they would have, either.
I'm not rushing in to any decisions. I just feel that this gives me an option I would otherwise be passing up. And I believe that it is a good idea and the right thing for me to be doing at this time. In addition, having lost an ovary already, it makes sense to try to preserve eggs from my remaining ovary which, as discussed already has a small cyst on it, because as I well know- anything can happen and then your choices can be taken away from you.
On the other hand, it puts into stark relief things about my life that have disappointed me. It forces me to consider things that I have not necessarily been considering. And I feel it is additionally challenging to be undertaking all of this alone without anyone to truly share 'the burden' of the harder thoughts with. Or just the stupid moments of having injections and sharps boxes.
It's part of the reason I made this blog, and have tried to find others. Or maybe I'm just someone who likes sharing. Anyway. Enough Sunday morning rambling! I will continue to keep this blog updated with the results of this cycle, any thoughts in between, and when I do the second cycle (which I am entirely assuming I will do as there is no reason at this point to think I won't) I'll return to it, though possibly not the day by day description that this first cycle has been. But as my doctor says, that's still a ways away. First things first!
Last day of shots today!! Woohoo!!
22 February 2013
Day 13 - Scan
The end is in sight!
Had my scan this morning. The doctor said that Tuesday would really be better for collection as the goal is to have as many good eggs as possible and I do have some follicles lagging behind. I'm sure that I could question him for his reasoning and thinking, but as my IVF experienced friend said, "What is he going to tell you really except that this is what he thinks they should do based on all the other patients they've seen and the results they've had with different protocols?". It's true really. Whatever they say to me isn't going to be the magic pill that "promises" the prize. Either you trust your doctor, and the clinic, or you don't. So lesson of the day- be very happy with your clinic and doctor because that's really all you've got.
At any rate, he counted 13 follicles and there may have been a couple others. They are getting big! He suggested that I should be looking at 5-10 eggs. Of course there is a massive difference between 5 and 10. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except wait and see. Obviously I hope for 10 and I will be disappointed with 5 but it will be what it will be and lets just hope that it's not any less than that which is of course, also entirely possible.
So I have my final drugs now, and I need to be back at the clinic at 8:30am on Tuesday morning for my procedure at 9am and I might be able to go home by 10 and hopefully by 11.
Tonight, I'm on the same drugs as usual- Gonal-F at 225 and Cetrotide. Then tomorrow I do them again but the Gonal-F reduces (I have it written down- I think it's one eight something or other). Sunday at 7pm I take the Cetrotide and then at 8pm I do the Ovitrelle which came pre-packaged and is currently in my fridge waiting for me. Monday- no shots! Hooray! Before I head to the clinic on Tuesday morning, I take a suppository. I think it's a painkiller. I'm not sure, I'll need to double check, and I will post more about all that later.
This has of course prompted me to consider does the procedure actually hurt? It may sound stupid but it hadn't actually particularly occurred to me. Then of course I made the mistake of looking at the internet which is full of both sides- people in pain and people feeling nothing. Well, there just isn't any way to know what it's going to be like until it happens. I'd say my tolerance for pain can be pretty high, but I do tend to flinch. Hopefully I get enough sedation to just knock my ass out.
I've arranged for my friend to come meet me at the clinic and go home with me. It's all heading to the finish line now!
I did say to the doctor today that my ovary feels uncomfortable, my digestive system seems to be a mess, and I've been feeling particularly grumpy. He said it's all normal. At least I can be objective at the moment. The hormones haven't gotten that bad yet!!
Had my scan this morning. The doctor said that Tuesday would really be better for collection as the goal is to have as many good eggs as possible and I do have some follicles lagging behind. I'm sure that I could question him for his reasoning and thinking, but as my IVF experienced friend said, "What is he going to tell you really except that this is what he thinks they should do based on all the other patients they've seen and the results they've had with different protocols?". It's true really. Whatever they say to me isn't going to be the magic pill that "promises" the prize. Either you trust your doctor, and the clinic, or you don't. So lesson of the day- be very happy with your clinic and doctor because that's really all you've got.
At any rate, he counted 13 follicles and there may have been a couple others. They are getting big! He suggested that I should be looking at 5-10 eggs. Of course there is a massive difference between 5 and 10. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except wait and see. Obviously I hope for 10 and I will be disappointed with 5 but it will be what it will be and lets just hope that it's not any less than that which is of course, also entirely possible.
So I have my final drugs now, and I need to be back at the clinic at 8:30am on Tuesday morning for my procedure at 9am and I might be able to go home by 10 and hopefully by 11.
Tonight, I'm on the same drugs as usual- Gonal-F at 225 and Cetrotide. Then tomorrow I do them again but the Gonal-F reduces (I have it written down- I think it's one eight something or other). Sunday at 7pm I take the Cetrotide and then at 8pm I do the Ovitrelle which came pre-packaged and is currently in my fridge waiting for me. Monday- no shots! Hooray! Before I head to the clinic on Tuesday morning, I take a suppository. I think it's a painkiller. I'm not sure, I'll need to double check, and I will post more about all that later.
This has of course prompted me to consider does the procedure actually hurt? It may sound stupid but it hadn't actually particularly occurred to me. Then of course I made the mistake of looking at the internet which is full of both sides- people in pain and people feeling nothing. Well, there just isn't any way to know what it's going to be like until it happens. I'd say my tolerance for pain can be pretty high, but I do tend to flinch. Hopefully I get enough sedation to just knock my ass out.
I've arranged for my friend to come meet me at the clinic and go home with me. It's all heading to the finish line now!
I did say to the doctor today that my ovary feels uncomfortable, my digestive system seems to be a mess, and I've been feeling particularly grumpy. He said it's all normal. At least I can be objective at the moment. The hormones haven't gotten that bad yet!!
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