So my collection was this morning and I got 3 mature eggs that were able to be frozen.
This is not the ending that I was hoping for, for this particular journey or this final cycle. That brings the grand total of three rounds of egg freezing to 13 frozen eggs. Which is what many women (with two ovaries) get from their first and sometimes only cycle.
I hasten to add that I don't in any way regret that I've done this. Just that I am a bit sad about the results. As I think I mentioned in my last post, the odds of a live baby from 13 eggs seems maybe not so great. Of course there is no way to know that until I actually go to use the eggs. And even if I had 20 eggs there might not be a baby at the end of it.
It is what it is. I'm 39. It's little bit late. It would have made no sense to wait longer, although I do wish I had known about this, or done it sooner, these are things you can't change. So I worked with what I had, and so far this is what I've got. Which may actually be plenty or it may not at all.
I suppose I just don't have as much confidence as I would like. But as I say, that's a false hope anyway.
Everything towards the end of the cycle went easily and well. No problems with any of the injections. All was easy and simple at the clinic this morning. I don't have any pain or discomfort at the moment, though I might have a bit of cramping when everything wears off.
I have a counseling appointment in 2 weeks time and I think I'll schedule a follow up to talk through things like, when can I go back on birth control, and talk a bit about future pregnancy and timelines and things like that. The counseling appointment will probably be a good thing. The follow up appointment is a necessary thing, and I'll be annoyed, as usual, that I'll have to pay for it. But it's definitely weird to me to just leave things like this now. Especially when I have a number of questions.
When that's complete I'll also do a final cost tally.
And I'll probably prepare some final (or final for now) thoughts on this process overall. I think doing it right now however, probably isn't the best idea.
Showing posts with label one ovary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label one ovary. Show all posts
29 October 2013
21 October 2013
Cycle 3: Day 8
Had my scan this morning. Nothing eventful to report as it all seems to be very routine now. The doctor measured 5 follicles which are 'growing' and 3 that are 'just behind'. I've also now dropped from 300 Gonal-F to 225 and will stay on the lower dose.
I'll be honest. The numbers are slightly disappointing at this stage. As I got 6 eggs from my first cycle and 4 from my second, even though I've been on a higher dose of drugs, this cycle seems to be smack in the middle so far, and that's assuming I get an egg out of every follicle. I was definitely hoping for more. But we're still only about halfway.
That's the other thing- the doctor had said that due to the higher drug dose, the cycle might be shorter. But at the moment it looks like it's going to be just about the same amount of days. So I have another seven days to go give or take.
It is times like this where I do get a bit frustrated that I am not convinced that the UK clinics are using the best drugs or the best protocols or doing everything they can. On the eggsurance forum, most of the women are from the States and it's like we're doing completely different things. Part of me wonders if I wouldn't be getting more eggs on a different regime. But as per usual, this sort of thinking is vaguely pointless. I have to remember that my clinic has some of the highest pregnancy and live birth results in the UK and not because they're selective and turn anyone away. Newer stuff and more tests isn't necessarily better. But I am used to a system of having more information and more discussion. That doesn't mean it's actually more useful, it might just mean I feel differently about everything.
But I go back to this all being a stressful process (and 7 days of hormone injections later, it's not entirely surprising I'm starting to feel a bit anxious). There are so many unknowns about what I'm doing that it makes me desperate for some small inkling of certainty. And I'm just not going to get it. Who knows if these eggs will fertilize? Who knows if I will ever be in a position to fertilize them?! There's just a lot of questions that I can't answer at this stage.
Oh, and I should also say that since I have a dermoid cyst on my ovary, it's probably not at top form either. Every time I see the cyst on the scan it just annoys me. Who knows how it affects that side of my ovary on which it lives parasitically? So really, I'm not complaining. Or, I am complaining, but I'm more complaining about the unfairness of life, the fact that I find myself in this position at all, and that life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would.
As far as the cycle goes, really, everything is fine so far.
I'll be honest. The numbers are slightly disappointing at this stage. As I got 6 eggs from my first cycle and 4 from my second, even though I've been on a higher dose of drugs, this cycle seems to be smack in the middle so far, and that's assuming I get an egg out of every follicle. I was definitely hoping for more. But we're still only about halfway.
That's the other thing- the doctor had said that due to the higher drug dose, the cycle might be shorter. But at the moment it looks like it's going to be just about the same amount of days. So I have another seven days to go give or take.
It is times like this where I do get a bit frustrated that I am not convinced that the UK clinics are using the best drugs or the best protocols or doing everything they can. On the eggsurance forum, most of the women are from the States and it's like we're doing completely different things. Part of me wonders if I wouldn't be getting more eggs on a different regime. But as per usual, this sort of thinking is vaguely pointless. I have to remember that my clinic has some of the highest pregnancy and live birth results in the UK and not because they're selective and turn anyone away. Newer stuff and more tests isn't necessarily better. But I am used to a system of having more information and more discussion. That doesn't mean it's actually more useful, it might just mean I feel differently about everything.
But I go back to this all being a stressful process (and 7 days of hormone injections later, it's not entirely surprising I'm starting to feel a bit anxious). There are so many unknowns about what I'm doing that it makes me desperate for some small inkling of certainty. And I'm just not going to get it. Who knows if these eggs will fertilize? Who knows if I will ever be in a position to fertilize them?! There's just a lot of questions that I can't answer at this stage.
Oh, and I should also say that since I have a dermoid cyst on my ovary, it's probably not at top form either. Every time I see the cyst on the scan it just annoys me. Who knows how it affects that side of my ovary on which it lives parasitically? So really, I'm not complaining. Or, I am complaining, but I'm more complaining about the unfairness of life, the fact that I find myself in this position at all, and that life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would.
As far as the cycle goes, really, everything is fine so far.
16 September 2013
Meeting with the Doctor
Today I had both my follow up meeting from my last cycle and preparation meeting for my next cycle with my doctor. Again, I got charged for this visit and I plan to call them later this week to hammer out what the deal is with getting charged for this appointment. Last time they said they charged me because I had a scan, but I didn't have a scan this visit. I should have argued when I was there but I wasn't in the right mindframe to do it. I've been incredibly stressed all day and I just couldn't deal with it. Probably a mistake. Whatever.
Anyway.
Here are the things we talked about in no discernible order.
Probably one of the most important is we discussed my results from the last cycle (4 eggs) compared to the first cycle (6 eggs). Of course this disappoints me somewhat, but then if I had 2 ovaries I would have 20 eggs total instead of 10 (lets say) and I'd be perfectly happy with that. So I don't feel like I can be that upset about it. I stressed this was my last possible cycle due to financial considerations. So the doctor said that as it was my last cycle he felt we could try to push the ovary a bit more and he's going to increase my Gonal-F and see how it goes. In both of my cycles there had been additional smaller follicles that didn't catch up or grow as fast and I guess he's hoping to catch them by upping the drugs. As with most of this process, I have to trust that he is basing this decision on his experience and expertise and I trust him. I'm conscious of having read other women who didn't respond well to higher drug doses, but I trust that my clinic scans me every other day, and will monitor me closely and he wouldn't suggest this if he didn't think it was a good plan. It's hard to feel like I'm gambling with my last cycle, but on the other hand, I've read about a lot of women on the higher dose of Gonal-F, so it's not like it's that odd or extreme. I'm sure it will be okay. I'll obviously keep track here of how everything goes.
In keeping with that, I got my prescription for all the drugs so I need to get in touch with Healthcare at Home to send it in and arrange the delivery. I'm going to remember to insist that they include the sharps bin this time!
We arranged my norethisterone prior to the cycle. As my cycle is about 30-31 days, I'm going to do 9 days of the norethisterone. For the first cycle I did 8, the second I did 7. So this is another change although one I'm more on board with. The nurse had suggested I do 9 for my second cycle but the drugs didn't arrive in time so I could only do the 7.
We talked about birth control pills. Specifically about whether or not I could go back on them after the third cycle and if there were any implications for future fertility. He said there is no indication that birth control pills affect ability to conceive and that I should be fine going back on and he had no reservations. So that was good news. I miss my birth control pills!
We talked about my period. Okay, skip over this if you don't want specifics. Basically I've noticed that as I've gotten older, my period is much darker, and lighter, and a bit shorter. Of course as I go through all of this I just panic that this somehow means my womb is an infertile place and I can't conceive. He said the color of your period means absolutely nothing. He also said that the frequency of your period and heaviness have more to do with your ovarian reserve than your ability to get pregnant. He pointed out that there are women close to 50 who get pregnant- they have no eggs left, but their womb can still healthily function. Obviously I am not planning on being 50 and pregnant, but this was comforting news.
We also talked about the counseling service that is available. I sort of wish I'd picked up on this sooner. They have to counselors who have an office space and I just need to call and arrange an appointment and they will often schedule alongside your scan if the timing works out. Although I might start this sooner seeing as how once my scans start there isn't much time left for any counseling. At any rate, it will probably take time to arrange it anyway. So I'm going to do that and will also have updates here.
So really, that was all great, other than being charged 120 quid for the visit. This irritates me to no end, but my comfort and trust in the clinic outweighs my annoyance.
The only other thing of interest is that they are doing some building works to the clinic and so I'm lucky I didn't try to schedule for this month as I don't think they would have done it. They're moving around some of the lab and clinical spaces on the ground floor although the doctors offices and scan rooms on the first floor aren't affected. The building works are supposed to finish right when my next cycle starts, so that allows an extra week and a bit for them to run over before it's a problem. I am just going to assume it's not going to be a problem.
Anyway, that's the update. One month countdown to the third and final cycle begins!
Anyway.
Here are the things we talked about in no discernible order.
Probably one of the most important is we discussed my results from the last cycle (4 eggs) compared to the first cycle (6 eggs). Of course this disappoints me somewhat, but then if I had 2 ovaries I would have 20 eggs total instead of 10 (lets say) and I'd be perfectly happy with that. So I don't feel like I can be that upset about it. I stressed this was my last possible cycle due to financial considerations. So the doctor said that as it was my last cycle he felt we could try to push the ovary a bit more and he's going to increase my Gonal-F and see how it goes. In both of my cycles there had been additional smaller follicles that didn't catch up or grow as fast and I guess he's hoping to catch them by upping the drugs. As with most of this process, I have to trust that he is basing this decision on his experience and expertise and I trust him. I'm conscious of having read other women who didn't respond well to higher drug doses, but I trust that my clinic scans me every other day, and will monitor me closely and he wouldn't suggest this if he didn't think it was a good plan. It's hard to feel like I'm gambling with my last cycle, but on the other hand, I've read about a lot of women on the higher dose of Gonal-F, so it's not like it's that odd or extreme. I'm sure it will be okay. I'll obviously keep track here of how everything goes.
In keeping with that, I got my prescription for all the drugs so I need to get in touch with Healthcare at Home to send it in and arrange the delivery. I'm going to remember to insist that they include the sharps bin this time!
We arranged my norethisterone prior to the cycle. As my cycle is about 30-31 days, I'm going to do 9 days of the norethisterone. For the first cycle I did 8, the second I did 7. So this is another change although one I'm more on board with. The nurse had suggested I do 9 for my second cycle but the drugs didn't arrive in time so I could only do the 7.
We talked about birth control pills. Specifically about whether or not I could go back on them after the third cycle and if there were any implications for future fertility. He said there is no indication that birth control pills affect ability to conceive and that I should be fine going back on and he had no reservations. So that was good news. I miss my birth control pills!
We talked about my period. Okay, skip over this if you don't want specifics. Basically I've noticed that as I've gotten older, my period is much darker, and lighter, and a bit shorter. Of course as I go through all of this I just panic that this somehow means my womb is an infertile place and I can't conceive. He said the color of your period means absolutely nothing. He also said that the frequency of your period and heaviness have more to do with your ovarian reserve than your ability to get pregnant. He pointed out that there are women close to 50 who get pregnant- they have no eggs left, but their womb can still healthily function. Obviously I am not planning on being 50 and pregnant, but this was comforting news.
We also talked about the counseling service that is available. I sort of wish I'd picked up on this sooner. They have to counselors who have an office space and I just need to call and arrange an appointment and they will often schedule alongside your scan if the timing works out. Although I might start this sooner seeing as how once my scans start there isn't much time left for any counseling. At any rate, it will probably take time to arrange it anyway. So I'm going to do that and will also have updates here.
So really, that was all great, other than being charged 120 quid for the visit. This irritates me to no end, but my comfort and trust in the clinic outweighs my annoyance.
The only other thing of interest is that they are doing some building works to the clinic and so I'm lucky I didn't try to schedule for this month as I don't think they would have done it. They're moving around some of the lab and clinical spaces on the ground floor although the doctors offices and scan rooms on the first floor aren't affected. The building works are supposed to finish right when my next cycle starts, so that allows an extra week and a bit for them to run over before it's a problem. I am just going to assume it's not going to be a problem.
Anyway, that's the update. One month countdown to the third and final cycle begins!
29 June 2013
Cycle 2: Day 17
Sorry again for the day delay, all due to the stupid phone company. I'm now borrowing internet from my neighbor!
Facts first. I got 4 eggs and all 4 were able to be frozen. I'd like to have a bit more information than that, but I couldn't get my phone to work so instead the embryologist call went to voice-mail. I assume they were all mature and looked good. I hope the embryologist calls back today, but I'm not sure they will. I had a couple of other questions, but I can ask the doctor when I go back in a couple of weeks for a follow up appointment.
The day itself was both uneventful and eventful. My biggest gripe was that although I showed up 15 minutes early to make sure I was there for noon and I was supposed to be having my retrieval 37 hours past the Ovitrelle trigger at 12:30, I didn't even get in to my recovery room to change until 12:25 and I estimate my procedure was probably at 1:00 or even a little bit past. This just stressed me out, which is not what you really want when you're preparing for a medical procedure. I was assured by more than one person that it wouldn't make a difference but I was conscious of how few eggs I had to work with and the thought of losing a single one just gave me intense stress. This was compounded by my internet based knowledge that some clinics trigger as early as 35 hours before the retrieval and since my clinic goes with 37, that already seems on the "late" side of things. It just put a blip into my otherwise uneventful day!
So given that I was stressed I changed very quickly and was ready to go. A bit of 'hurry up and wait'. I could hear couples (mostly couples) in some of the other cubicles. This is the second time I've heard a male partner be rude to their female partner during what I assume is an IVF process. I get that men tend to fall into the 'I want to be able to help or I just get frustrated' category but seriously. This particular couple, it was obvious she was just out of retrieval and every time she saw him she came to enough to ask how many eggs they got. He said around 15. Then she'd slip out of consciousness, come back, and ask the same question. By the third time he started in with, "I already told you this!". Charming.
Eventually the anesthesiologist came to get me and we had a nice chat. I remembered a bit about him from the first time and I think he was amused that I remembered what we talked about. We chatted a bit more as he got me all set, put the cannula in, put electrodes on me. The doctor who did my procedure was not my main doctor but what I now think of as my second doctor. I remember asking about the delay and the impact. I also remember saying that I really wanted 4 eggs as a minimum and that if I got less I'd get depressed about it but then I'd get over it. They had me scooting down the table into position and I was alert when the mask went over my face, but not much beyond that. I think I have a vague memory of being transfered from the procedure table to the recovery bed. I definitely have a memory of the doctor coming to see me in the recovery room to tell me that got 4 eggs. Although that was very hazy, I know it happened, and then also turned out to be true, so reinforces that it happened.
Eventually I came to, nice and comfortable in the bed. The machine on my finger monitored my heart beat and a cuff on my arm did my blood pressure every five minutes. I came around more fully and the nurse told me my friend was here so I said they could let her come sit with me. They brought me tea with sugar and I drank that while chatting with my friend, none of which I can remember now. I know I was starving having not eaten since about 7 or 8 the night before so I also got some cookies and wolfed those down. Then I got dressed and we went home where my friend made me a lovely tray of macaroni and cheese for my dinner and for 'comfort'. Yum!
So today I feel mostly fine. Less cramping then the first cycle, but then, I had fewer follicles. I can still feel my ovary, so I know it's still enlarged and will stay like that until my period comes. On my last scan I had asked my doctor if I could cycle this week in Cambridge but he said he wouldn't advise it. His reasoning was that although the chance is small for torsion, because I only have the one ovary, his advice was to be super cautious about it and even a small risk was not one he would suggest I take, whereas if I had two ovaries he'd be less concerned. I thought that was fair, so I'm looking at a week of walking around Cambridge this week. But that's fine. I need to get my exercise back on track and walking seems a good way to start.
And so that's it for cycle 2. I'll update the costs again when I get around to it, and I'll update again when I have my follow up appointment. I also think I'm going to see the counselor that the clinic offers as a service, so I'll probably write about that as well. And obviously if and when cycle 3 comes on, I'll be back for that as well. Not quite done with this blog yet!
Facts first. I got 4 eggs and all 4 were able to be frozen. I'd like to have a bit more information than that, but I couldn't get my phone to work so instead the embryologist call went to voice-mail. I assume they were all mature and looked good. I hope the embryologist calls back today, but I'm not sure they will. I had a couple of other questions, but I can ask the doctor when I go back in a couple of weeks for a follow up appointment.
The day itself was both uneventful and eventful. My biggest gripe was that although I showed up 15 minutes early to make sure I was there for noon and I was supposed to be having my retrieval 37 hours past the Ovitrelle trigger at 12:30, I didn't even get in to my recovery room to change until 12:25 and I estimate my procedure was probably at 1:00 or even a little bit past. This just stressed me out, which is not what you really want when you're preparing for a medical procedure. I was assured by more than one person that it wouldn't make a difference but I was conscious of how few eggs I had to work with and the thought of losing a single one just gave me intense stress. This was compounded by my internet based knowledge that some clinics trigger as early as 35 hours before the retrieval and since my clinic goes with 37, that already seems on the "late" side of things. It just put a blip into my otherwise uneventful day!
So given that I was stressed I changed very quickly and was ready to go. A bit of 'hurry up and wait'. I could hear couples (mostly couples) in some of the other cubicles. This is the second time I've heard a male partner be rude to their female partner during what I assume is an IVF process. I get that men tend to fall into the 'I want to be able to help or I just get frustrated' category but seriously. This particular couple, it was obvious she was just out of retrieval and every time she saw him she came to enough to ask how many eggs they got. He said around 15. Then she'd slip out of consciousness, come back, and ask the same question. By the third time he started in with, "I already told you this!". Charming.
Eventually the anesthesiologist came to get me and we had a nice chat. I remembered a bit about him from the first time and I think he was amused that I remembered what we talked about. We chatted a bit more as he got me all set, put the cannula in, put electrodes on me. The doctor who did my procedure was not my main doctor but what I now think of as my second doctor. I remember asking about the delay and the impact. I also remember saying that I really wanted 4 eggs as a minimum and that if I got less I'd get depressed about it but then I'd get over it. They had me scooting down the table into position and I was alert when the mask went over my face, but not much beyond that. I think I have a vague memory of being transfered from the procedure table to the recovery bed. I definitely have a memory of the doctor coming to see me in the recovery room to tell me that got 4 eggs. Although that was very hazy, I know it happened, and then also turned out to be true, so reinforces that it happened.
Eventually I came to, nice and comfortable in the bed. The machine on my finger monitored my heart beat and a cuff on my arm did my blood pressure every five minutes. I came around more fully and the nurse told me my friend was here so I said they could let her come sit with me. They brought me tea with sugar and I drank that while chatting with my friend, none of which I can remember now. I know I was starving having not eaten since about 7 or 8 the night before so I also got some cookies and wolfed those down. Then I got dressed and we went home where my friend made me a lovely tray of macaroni and cheese for my dinner and for 'comfort'. Yum!
So today I feel mostly fine. Less cramping then the first cycle, but then, I had fewer follicles. I can still feel my ovary, so I know it's still enlarged and will stay like that until my period comes. On my last scan I had asked my doctor if I could cycle this week in Cambridge but he said he wouldn't advise it. His reasoning was that although the chance is small for torsion, because I only have the one ovary, his advice was to be super cautious about it and even a small risk was not one he would suggest I take, whereas if I had two ovaries he'd be less concerned. I thought that was fair, so I'm looking at a week of walking around Cambridge this week. But that's fine. I need to get my exercise back on track and walking seems a good way to start.
And so that's it for cycle 2. I'll update the costs again when I get around to it, and I'll update again when I have my follow up appointment. I also think I'm going to see the counselor that the clinic offers as a service, so I'll probably write about that as well. And obviously if and when cycle 3 comes on, I'll be back for that as well. Not quite done with this blog yet!
24 June 2013
Cycle 2: Day 12
Had another scan today. Still at about 6 follicles or so. Two of them are larger and could be collected but the doctor is hoping the other four will grow and catch up. I had a good talk with this doctor today. I said that I was feeling a bit discouraged about the lower follicle count compared to the first cycle. She told me that I really had no reason to be discouraged. That it was a reasonable outcome for someone of my age and with one ovary. And that I was responding well to the medication. She said that when they usually see women it's because they are having fertility problems, and I don't even know if I have any problems at all. She reiterated that it's really a lot about the egg quality. She told me she's seen women who get over ten eggs and none are good quality and another woman who came and only got one egg and then she got pregnant. Apparently they've also used frozen eggs successfully. Although they were donor eggs (and so most likely younger than my eggs) there were two frozen and they got a single pregnancy. So all of that was good. She also mentioned that I might want to take advantage of the free counseling that the clinic offers. I mean, I'm not entirely sure what a counselor can tell me. I sort of know what the deal is, it's just stressful. On the other hand, I feel a lot better having talked to the doctor and so maybe it would help to talk to the counselor and considering it's free, why the heck not?
I also asked the doctor about the protocol they use compared to the ones I hear about from the other egg freezers I know in the States. It seems like the UK protocol is much simpler- less drugs and almost no blood work other than the initial blood work. The doctor told me that they've looked at all the results so far from these procedures and they feel they simply aren't necessary. Obviously each doctor will have a different opinion but I do feel good that they at least keep up with these things. My clinic is one of the best in the UK with high results to prove it. They have to know something right about what they're doing.
In the meantime I continue on the same schedule- 225 Gonal-F and .25 Cetrotide. My next scan is Wednesday and collection will probably be Friday or maybe Saturday but I'll know for sure after the next scan. Seems like I'm on the same time schedule as the first cycle. Oh, and I did say something about how I felt like it was along time and she assured me that this is not a long time. She said some people take 3-4 weeks, and that's a long cycle!
I also asked the doctor about the protocol they use compared to the ones I hear about from the other egg freezers I know in the States. It seems like the UK protocol is much simpler- less drugs and almost no blood work other than the initial blood work. The doctor told me that they've looked at all the results so far from these procedures and they feel they simply aren't necessary. Obviously each doctor will have a different opinion but I do feel good that they at least keep up with these things. My clinic is one of the best in the UK with high results to prove it. They have to know something right about what they're doing.
In the meantime I continue on the same schedule- 225 Gonal-F and .25 Cetrotide. My next scan is Wednesday and collection will probably be Friday or maybe Saturday but I'll know for sure after the next scan. Seems like I'm on the same time schedule as the first cycle. Oh, and I did say something about how I felt like it was along time and she assured me that this is not a long time. She said some people take 3-4 weeks, and that's a long cycle!
18 June 2013
Cyle 2: Day 6
So I just got back from my first scan after starting the stimulation. As per last cycle, my follicles are slow starters. The doctor measured 7. He also measured my cyst, which does not appear to be growing. I was a bit disappointed by 7 and thought that was less than the last cycle. He checked and said at the first scan in the first cycle, he had noted 8. So yeah, one less so far. He didn't seem worried though and said that I just seem to have slow starters and it's too early to be able to tell anything yet. He's keeping me on the same drug protocol as last time. So I guess that means I'm definitely in for a long stimulation cycle. And I'm preparing myself for a low number collection.
I think what's hard about the medication is how quickly I can get upset. I honestly don't notice any other side effects of the stimulation drugs. But when something happens that could possibly be upsetting, I feel like it's devastating. That could also be because this process is stressful in general. Obviously what anyone who is doing this wants is the most mature eggs as possible. It's frustrating to know you can't really do anything about it. What the scan shows is what your body has.
I keep reminding myself that if I had two ovaries, these would be really good results for someone who is almost 39. In fact, if I was getting twice the number, I would be pleased. So it's not really my body at fault. I'm simply asking or wanting too much from it. I'm being unrealistic. I've come across women with two ovaries who have gotten the same number of eggs from their cycles. I shouldn't be upset.
I guess it's not that I'm upset. I'm just disappointed. But then I remind myself, that the very best thing I can be doing right now to address this, is exactly what I'm doing right now. And that makes me feel a little bit better.
I think what's hard about the medication is how quickly I can get upset. I honestly don't notice any other side effects of the stimulation drugs. But when something happens that could possibly be upsetting, I feel like it's devastating. That could also be because this process is stressful in general. Obviously what anyone who is doing this wants is the most mature eggs as possible. It's frustrating to know you can't really do anything about it. What the scan shows is what your body has.
I keep reminding myself that if I had two ovaries, these would be really good results for someone who is almost 39. In fact, if I was getting twice the number, I would be pleased. So it's not really my body at fault. I'm simply asking or wanting too much from it. I'm being unrealistic. I've come across women with two ovaries who have gotten the same number of eggs from their cycles. I shouldn't be upset.
I guess it's not that I'm upset. I'm just disappointed. But then I remind myself, that the very best thing I can be doing right now to address this, is exactly what I'm doing right now. And that makes me feel a little bit better.
04 April 2013
Follow-Up Consultation
Today I had my fist meeting with the doctor since my collection. I am sad to report that I was charged for this visit. I feel that this is not ideal and that a single follow-up consultation should be standard with an egg collection procedure. But, you can't be pleased with everything. So the new update on costs is:
But it is what it is. Either I choose a different clinic, or I accept that this is how it is. Can't be pleased with everything. And overall I am really generally pleased. So I am going to stick with them.
So I saw my doctor today and we discussed how everything went and he did a scan to check on my ovary since I said that I could still feel it and I knew it had not gone back to normal size. I was of course concerned it was the cyst but I am happy to report that my cyst is still the same size as it was before and has not grown at all. On the other hand, my ovary is currently about twice it's normal size. The doctor said this was 'normal' and that it can take up to two period cycles for it to return to normal size. When stimulated it can be 7 or 8 times normal size. So my ovary has definitely 'gone down' but it's not all the way down yet. In keeping with this he suggested I stay away from impact exercise and twisting until I don't feel it anymore. I'm glad that I wasn't making it up that I still 'felt' the ovary and also glad I was taking it easy and not rushing back to the gym.
We discussed how the retrieval went. In the end there were 10 follicles and 6 had eggs and all 6 were mature. They can't tell you anything about the quality of those eggs. I asked if there was anything I could be doing now to help improve number or quality as there are many things talked about online. He said the only thing he suggested was that I consider some slow weight loss between now and my next procedure. That's fair. But he cautioned me it needs to be slow and steady, not a crash diet as that can negatively impact egg production or quality. So I need to be a bit more serious about seeing if I can lose 10-15 pounds in the next two months.
He said he felt the protocol was good and he didn't particularly want to change it. He said that as I only have the one ovary he didn't want to be too aggressive or risky because we want to protect the ovary as well. That seemed reasonable to me.
He gave me a prescription for my drugs and said they are happy for me to source them elsewhere if I can get them for cheaper, so that was good and I need to follow up with that over the next couple of weeks. He also said that my retrieval procedure was a bit tricky. That surprised me. I asked why and he said that my ovary moved around a lot during the retrieval. Apparently the dermoid cyst can make it wobbly or a bit less stable, or even float inside the gut, so apparently it wasn't exactly straightforward to retrieve my eggs.
So there you have it. I'll post more about drug pricing as I look into that. In the meantime I have 2 months to see if I can drop some weight. That's not going to be easy though if you consider I'm back in the States for 3 weeks in May. But I'll do the best I can.
| Previous total cost | £6876 |
| Follow-up consultation | £120 |
| Total cost to date | £6996 |
But it is what it is. Either I choose a different clinic, or I accept that this is how it is. Can't be pleased with everything. And overall I am really generally pleased. So I am going to stick with them.
So I saw my doctor today and we discussed how everything went and he did a scan to check on my ovary since I said that I could still feel it and I knew it had not gone back to normal size. I was of course concerned it was the cyst but I am happy to report that my cyst is still the same size as it was before and has not grown at all. On the other hand, my ovary is currently about twice it's normal size. The doctor said this was 'normal' and that it can take up to two period cycles for it to return to normal size. When stimulated it can be 7 or 8 times normal size. So my ovary has definitely 'gone down' but it's not all the way down yet. In keeping with this he suggested I stay away from impact exercise and twisting until I don't feel it anymore. I'm glad that I wasn't making it up that I still 'felt' the ovary and also glad I was taking it easy and not rushing back to the gym.
We discussed how the retrieval went. In the end there were 10 follicles and 6 had eggs and all 6 were mature. They can't tell you anything about the quality of those eggs. I asked if there was anything I could be doing now to help improve number or quality as there are many things talked about online. He said the only thing he suggested was that I consider some slow weight loss between now and my next procedure. That's fair. But he cautioned me it needs to be slow and steady, not a crash diet as that can negatively impact egg production or quality. So I need to be a bit more serious about seeing if I can lose 10-15 pounds in the next two months.
He said he felt the protocol was good and he didn't particularly want to change it. He said that as I only have the one ovary he didn't want to be too aggressive or risky because we want to protect the ovary as well. That seemed reasonable to me.
He gave me a prescription for my drugs and said they are happy for me to source them elsewhere if I can get them for cheaper, so that was good and I need to follow up with that over the next couple of weeks. He also said that my retrieval procedure was a bit tricky. That surprised me. I asked why and he said that my ovary moved around a lot during the retrieval. Apparently the dermoid cyst can make it wobbly or a bit less stable, or even float inside the gut, so apparently it wasn't exactly straightforward to retrieve my eggs.
So there you have it. I'll post more about drug pricing as I look into that. In the meantime I have 2 months to see if I can drop some weight. That's not going to be easy though if you consider I'm back in the States for 3 weeks in May. But I'll do the best I can.
28 February 2013
48 Hours Later
I'm finally starting to feel a little bit more normal.
When I wrote my last post, I was at home relaxing after the procedure. I did manage to go up to Cambridge that night and I did note that the more I moved around the more "crampy" and "achy" my abdominal area seemed to be. And it wasn't only concentrated on my left side where my ovary is.
I took some paracetamol as I was told I could and slept okay when I finally got home, although I woke up with more abdominal discomfort and a bit of bloating. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I had a lot of gas but not much productivity. This reminded me that when I had the surgery to have my ovary removed, they told me that abdominal intrusion can make the digestive track seize up. In fact, they wouldn't let me leave the hospital until I'd pooped back then. So I started to wonder if something similar wasn't going on.
Yesterday I had a course to go on so I did that and continued to have the occasional over the counter painkiller. Uncomfortable, but not really worse than bad period pains. I was noting that it seemed more 'abdominal' than 'right side' and although I was drinking a lot, and peeing a lot, no other action was going on.
As I didn't bring my bicycle up (like I usually do) I decided to walk home last night which is a little over a mile. It wasn't the most comfortable walk, but I took it slow and steady. I felt that getting some light physical activity in might help my system get moving. Got home, lots of air, no action.
This morning however, my abdominal area feels much better. I got up and had results in the bathroom. I have no idea of I'm making connections that aren't there, but I do know I feel much more comfortable and generally better. Still a bit of bloating and now any aches are pretty much identifiable as on my left side where the ovary is still enlarged.
Also, I've noticed that I think I bit my tongue under sedation and maybe it pressed on my jaw a bit funny if they gave me an oxygen mask as both sides of my jaw, close to my ears is sore to the touch. First I thought it was a pimple, but then I noticed it was on both sides and think it was something else. The tongue thing is annoying, but it will sort itself out.
So I guess I just wait for my period and finally my body can return to normal for a bit, before I go for it again in June.
I feel less disappointed by my six eggs. And I'm really pleased that they are there waiting for me in the freezer. It does make me determined to do at least one more cycle, but I am glad that I have done this. My chances at future pregnancy only diminish from here on out, so those six eggs, and whatever I get in June are a great investment.
When I get back to London I will try to do a break-down post about my costs, as I think it's something useful there should be more information about. I should also have my formal letter from the clinic regarding the extraction, so I will post if there is anything interesting from that. I may also, in the interim, post some thoughts on future parenthood. But in general, I suspect this blog will go a bit quiet until my next cycle starts up.
I'm glad that my story has helped some people. Any questions, please email or leave a comment. And if you are starting your own journey and begin a blog, please send me the link and I will add it to the blog roll on the right.
When I wrote my last post, I was at home relaxing after the procedure. I did manage to go up to Cambridge that night and I did note that the more I moved around the more "crampy" and "achy" my abdominal area seemed to be. And it wasn't only concentrated on my left side where my ovary is.
I took some paracetamol as I was told I could and slept okay when I finally got home, although I woke up with more abdominal discomfort and a bit of bloating. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I had a lot of gas but not much productivity. This reminded me that when I had the surgery to have my ovary removed, they told me that abdominal intrusion can make the digestive track seize up. In fact, they wouldn't let me leave the hospital until I'd pooped back then. So I started to wonder if something similar wasn't going on.
Yesterday I had a course to go on so I did that and continued to have the occasional over the counter painkiller. Uncomfortable, but not really worse than bad period pains. I was noting that it seemed more 'abdominal' than 'right side' and although I was drinking a lot, and peeing a lot, no other action was going on.
As I didn't bring my bicycle up (like I usually do) I decided to walk home last night which is a little over a mile. It wasn't the most comfortable walk, but I took it slow and steady. I felt that getting some light physical activity in might help my system get moving. Got home, lots of air, no action.
This morning however, my abdominal area feels much better. I got up and had results in the bathroom. I have no idea of I'm making connections that aren't there, but I do know I feel much more comfortable and generally better. Still a bit of bloating and now any aches are pretty much identifiable as on my left side where the ovary is still enlarged.
Also, I've noticed that I think I bit my tongue under sedation and maybe it pressed on my jaw a bit funny if they gave me an oxygen mask as both sides of my jaw, close to my ears is sore to the touch. First I thought it was a pimple, but then I noticed it was on both sides and think it was something else. The tongue thing is annoying, but it will sort itself out.
So I guess I just wait for my period and finally my body can return to normal for a bit, before I go for it again in June.
I feel less disappointed by my six eggs. And I'm really pleased that they are there waiting for me in the freezer. It does make me determined to do at least one more cycle, but I am glad that I have done this. My chances at future pregnancy only diminish from here on out, so those six eggs, and whatever I get in June are a great investment.
When I get back to London I will try to do a break-down post about my costs, as I think it's something useful there should be more information about. I should also have my formal letter from the clinic regarding the extraction, so I will post if there is anything interesting from that. I may also, in the interim, post some thoughts on future parenthood. But in general, I suspect this blog will go a bit quiet until my next cycle starts up.
I'm glad that my story has helped some people. Any questions, please email or leave a comment. And if you are starting your own journey and begin a blog, please send me the link and I will add it to the blog roll on the right.
26 February 2013
Day 17 - Egg retrieval
So it's about a quarter past noon and I am at home sprawled on my couch chilling out. I don't know anything yet, so I'm going to probably save this post as a draft and update it later so it contains the entire story of the day. Although if you're reading this and I've posted it, it will contain the full story.
But while it's relatively fresh in my head, let me record how today has gone so far.
So I had dinner last night around 8pm and then only water with the last water being probably around 10:30 or so. Was feeling a bit anxious- just went to bed after setting two different alarms.
Woke up before both alarms and also at some time in the night because I had to pee. I did try to drink a bunch of water yesterday- not only because I hear it makes recovery after the collection better, but also because my veins can be fiddly so it's better if I'm more hydrated than not. So I just lay in bed in and out of sleep waiting for the alarms. Eventually got up. Straight into the shower. Just a single swipe of deodorant, no other perfumes or scented products. Took care of the suppository, put my clothes on, grabbed my sealed sharps bin and headed out.
Got to the clinic around 8:20. The receptionists weren't there yet, although I saw people moving about inside, they didn't come answer the door when I rang. Had to wait about five minutes for someone to come to work who let me in, asked if I was there for a procedure, had me sit and then it was really a minute or less before one of the nurses came to get me.
First she asked me to empty my bladder, so I did that. Then she took me into the procedure/recovery suite. She showed me to a cubicle area and said it would be my area. It had a hospital type bed covered in paper, a pillow, a blanket, a hospital gown, a blood pressure machine, a chair, and a wardrobe. She told me I could put all of my things in the wardrobe. After covering my name and birthday, taking my blood pressure, and checking when I had last eaten or drank, she asked me to change into the gown and then just wait for the anesthetist. And she closed the curtain to my cubicle.
So I did all this. It's a bit awkward to try to tie up a gown in the back on your own. Yet another moment of "Ugh, this sucks to be on your own." but it quickly passed. I got changed, on the bed, covered myself up with the blanket and tried to just stay calm and rest. After all, I hadn't slept all that great, and I was nervous.
Another couple came in to a different cubicle for another procedure.
Then the anesthetist arrived. A kindly older man who asked me again for my name and birthday and when I last ate or drank and we went through some basic medical history that would be relevant to anesthetics. He seemed to suggest all was in order, so we could get ready to go.
The nurse came back for me and we walked to what I'm going to assume was a prep room. I'm not at all sure it was the actual procedure room and if pushed I'd suggest it wasn't. Based on my only other experience with UK set-ups, when I had my ovary out, they prep you in the prep room but everything happens in the procedure room which basically you never get to see. I could see that there was a very wide door to a more clinical looking room at the other end of what I think was the prep room. But, I may never know.
Because, basically, they asked me to get on the table which had an absorption pad for under your pelvis. They brought the pillow and the blanket so once I got settled they had me covered and resting on the pillow. They attached three electrodes to me and hooked them up to a machine. In the meantime, the anesthetist needed to get the cannula in my wrist. Despite drinking lots, my veins were being fiddly so he had me do a bunch of pumping and then he got it in. Cannula's are not the most comfortable things. It's not that it really hurt, it was just uncomfortable, but he was very gentle with it and once it was in placed my hand across my chest. My doctor showed up and asked how I was. I said I'd felt more bloated since the trigger shot and more uncomfortable on that side, which he said was normal. He explained the procedure, what they were going to do and went through the possible risks. With all that done, the anesthetist said he'd give me a drug that might make me a bit woozy and then asked what my PhD was about. I was telling him, and he said something like, "Oh, so you could tell me how to improve my Victorian terrace house." and I said something like, "Yeah, I could." and the nurse was having me get my leg into a stirrup and that is the last thing I remember.
Next thing I know, I'm coming out of a very pleasant sleep feeling nice and warm and toasty. There's a blood pressure cuff on my arm I think, or maybe just the thing on your finger. At any rate, I'm completely back in the cubicle I started off in. No idea how I got from the one to the other. I don't feel particularly much of anything out of the ordinary. My abdomen is a bit crampy, but nothing worse than period pains, although I'm also on painkillers, so I should bear this in mind as at some point they are going to wear off. A nurses comes in and gives me a cup of water which I drink. Then she asks me if I'd like some tea and how I take it (with sugar, no milk).
So then she brings me a mug of tea and some hard cookies/biscuits. I drink the tea, I eat the biscuits and I feel very alert. Almost euphoric. I want to laugh. I suppose it's just the stress of everything being really over. I ask if my friend has arrived and they say yes. I look at the machine and realize that it's past 10:30. I've been out for a while! The nurse comes back after a bit to take out the cannula. Another nurse comes to remind me of the info sheet. What not to do today, what drugs not to take. And then basically I'm discharged. They say the embryologist will call me later with the details of the collection and I can get dressed.
I do, I give over my sharps bin. I realize I'm in a slight daze. I'm alert, but everything seems a bit surreal. I meet up with my friend, and we head out. It's that simple. I took public transport home although they said not to, honestly, it was completely fine. I just feel a bit crampy.
On the way home, stopped by the grocery so I could pick up a ready-meal for lunch as I don't have anything in and don't want to have to go out until later, my friend got me up to my front door, and then he went back to work, and here I am on the couch.
The embryologist just called around 12:30. I have six eggs. They collected six, and all six were mature and able to be frozen. I don't know if they were all fully mature or the various gradations of mature. As per usual, I was slightly in shock by the call and so did not have the wherewithal to ask the questions that are now going through my head.
Six.
Closer to five than to ten. But better than nothing. Not as good as I had hoped for. But six eggs in the freezer is six eggs I otherwise did not have in the freezer before. So cycle two will definitely be June. I guess before then I'll try to have an appointment with the doctor to see if he thinks we should change the protocol based on this one to see if something should change to see if I can get closer to the ten.
Because I was completely out of it for the procedure, I have no idea how many follicles there actually were in the end. On Friday there were 13. But I only have one ovary. The response is within the expected range of five to ten, so that's good, just on the lower side of the expected range, but hey, that's life.
Now I just have to be gentle with my body over the coming days until I get my period and my ovary starts to deflate back to normal size.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit disappointed by six. But then this entire journey is just one crazy emotional roller coaster ride. And I need to remind myself- what is the alternative? Six eggs in the freezer, is six 38 year old eggs that would otherwise have been flushed. I will do a second cycle. If I want to preserve my fertility chances, then this is the best possible thing I can be doing at this point in time, and if this is what my body gives me, then that's what it is. I have to remember, the alternative to this, is to have absolutely nothing.
Six is basically enough for one IVF cycle. Hopefully I'll get at least as many on the next cycle. Then I'll probably need to see if I can find finances for a third cycle depending on how the second one goes. But as my doctor tells me- one step at a time! For now, it's be gentle, wait for period, enjoy the break in between, and then prepare to do it all again.
But while it's relatively fresh in my head, let me record how today has gone so far.
So I had dinner last night around 8pm and then only water with the last water being probably around 10:30 or so. Was feeling a bit anxious- just went to bed after setting two different alarms.
Woke up before both alarms and also at some time in the night because I had to pee. I did try to drink a bunch of water yesterday- not only because I hear it makes recovery after the collection better, but also because my veins can be fiddly so it's better if I'm more hydrated than not. So I just lay in bed in and out of sleep waiting for the alarms. Eventually got up. Straight into the shower. Just a single swipe of deodorant, no other perfumes or scented products. Took care of the suppository, put my clothes on, grabbed my sealed sharps bin and headed out.
Got to the clinic around 8:20. The receptionists weren't there yet, although I saw people moving about inside, they didn't come answer the door when I rang. Had to wait about five minutes for someone to come to work who let me in, asked if I was there for a procedure, had me sit and then it was really a minute or less before one of the nurses came to get me.
First she asked me to empty my bladder, so I did that. Then she took me into the procedure/recovery suite. She showed me to a cubicle area and said it would be my area. It had a hospital type bed covered in paper, a pillow, a blanket, a hospital gown, a blood pressure machine, a chair, and a wardrobe. She told me I could put all of my things in the wardrobe. After covering my name and birthday, taking my blood pressure, and checking when I had last eaten or drank, she asked me to change into the gown and then just wait for the anesthetist. And she closed the curtain to my cubicle.
So I did all this. It's a bit awkward to try to tie up a gown in the back on your own. Yet another moment of "Ugh, this sucks to be on your own." but it quickly passed. I got changed, on the bed, covered myself up with the blanket and tried to just stay calm and rest. After all, I hadn't slept all that great, and I was nervous.
Another couple came in to a different cubicle for another procedure.
Then the anesthetist arrived. A kindly older man who asked me again for my name and birthday and when I last ate or drank and we went through some basic medical history that would be relevant to anesthetics. He seemed to suggest all was in order, so we could get ready to go.
The nurse came back for me and we walked to what I'm going to assume was a prep room. I'm not at all sure it was the actual procedure room and if pushed I'd suggest it wasn't. Based on my only other experience with UK set-ups, when I had my ovary out, they prep you in the prep room but everything happens in the procedure room which basically you never get to see. I could see that there was a very wide door to a more clinical looking room at the other end of what I think was the prep room. But, I may never know.
Because, basically, they asked me to get on the table which had an absorption pad for under your pelvis. They brought the pillow and the blanket so once I got settled they had me covered and resting on the pillow. They attached three electrodes to me and hooked them up to a machine. In the meantime, the anesthetist needed to get the cannula in my wrist. Despite drinking lots, my veins were being fiddly so he had me do a bunch of pumping and then he got it in. Cannula's are not the most comfortable things. It's not that it really hurt, it was just uncomfortable, but he was very gentle with it and once it was in placed my hand across my chest. My doctor showed up and asked how I was. I said I'd felt more bloated since the trigger shot and more uncomfortable on that side, which he said was normal. He explained the procedure, what they were going to do and went through the possible risks. With all that done, the anesthetist said he'd give me a drug that might make me a bit woozy and then asked what my PhD was about. I was telling him, and he said something like, "Oh, so you could tell me how to improve my Victorian terrace house." and I said something like, "Yeah, I could." and the nurse was having me get my leg into a stirrup and that is the last thing I remember.
Next thing I know, I'm coming out of a very pleasant sleep feeling nice and warm and toasty. There's a blood pressure cuff on my arm I think, or maybe just the thing on your finger. At any rate, I'm completely back in the cubicle I started off in. No idea how I got from the one to the other. I don't feel particularly much of anything out of the ordinary. My abdomen is a bit crampy, but nothing worse than period pains, although I'm also on painkillers, so I should bear this in mind as at some point they are going to wear off. A nurses comes in and gives me a cup of water which I drink. Then she asks me if I'd like some tea and how I take it (with sugar, no milk).
So then she brings me a mug of tea and some hard cookies/biscuits. I drink the tea, I eat the biscuits and I feel very alert. Almost euphoric. I want to laugh. I suppose it's just the stress of everything being really over. I ask if my friend has arrived and they say yes. I look at the machine and realize that it's past 10:30. I've been out for a while! The nurse comes back after a bit to take out the cannula. Another nurse comes to remind me of the info sheet. What not to do today, what drugs not to take. And then basically I'm discharged. They say the embryologist will call me later with the details of the collection and I can get dressed.
I do, I give over my sharps bin. I realize I'm in a slight daze. I'm alert, but everything seems a bit surreal. I meet up with my friend, and we head out. It's that simple. I took public transport home although they said not to, honestly, it was completely fine. I just feel a bit crampy.
On the way home, stopped by the grocery so I could pick up a ready-meal for lunch as I don't have anything in and don't want to have to go out until later, my friend got me up to my front door, and then he went back to work, and here I am on the couch.
The embryologist just called around 12:30. I have six eggs. They collected six, and all six were mature and able to be frozen. I don't know if they were all fully mature or the various gradations of mature. As per usual, I was slightly in shock by the call and so did not have the wherewithal to ask the questions that are now going through my head.
Six.
Closer to five than to ten. But better than nothing. Not as good as I had hoped for. But six eggs in the freezer is six eggs I otherwise did not have in the freezer before. So cycle two will definitely be June. I guess before then I'll try to have an appointment with the doctor to see if he thinks we should change the protocol based on this one to see if something should change to see if I can get closer to the ten.
Because I was completely out of it for the procedure, I have no idea how many follicles there actually were in the end. On Friday there were 13. But I only have one ovary. The response is within the expected range of five to ten, so that's good, just on the lower side of the expected range, but hey, that's life.
Now I just have to be gentle with my body over the coming days until I get my period and my ovary starts to deflate back to normal size.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit disappointed by six. But then this entire journey is just one crazy emotional roller coaster ride. And I need to remind myself- what is the alternative? Six eggs in the freezer, is six 38 year old eggs that would otherwise have been flushed. I will do a second cycle. If I want to preserve my fertility chances, then this is the best possible thing I can be doing at this point in time, and if this is what my body gives me, then that's what it is. I have to remember, the alternative to this, is to have absolutely nothing.
Six is basically enough for one IVF cycle. Hopefully I'll get at least as many on the next cycle. Then I'll probably need to see if I can find finances for a third cycle depending on how the second one goes. But as my doctor tells me- one step at a time! For now, it's be gentle, wait for period, enjoy the break in between, and then prepare to do it all again.
24 February 2013
Days 14, 15
Last night was my last Gonal-F injection!! It was 187.5 as opposed to the 225 I've been taking for the rest of my cycle. And of course the Cetrotide. The past two days all of the injections have been pretty easy which has been nice. Today I have my last injections before egg collection. At 7pm I take the Cetrotide and then at 8pm I take the Ovitrelle that is waiting for me in the fridge. Monday- no shots! Then Tuesday morning I need to pop in a Voltarol suppository before heading to the clinic super early. The Voltarol is for pain relief and seems standard practice for some UK clinics according to forums on the internet.
I've arranged for my friend to be there by 10 and I imagine I should be able to leave by 11 at the latest. So the end is almost here. I can see it. I'm both nervous and excited. And I'm not going to lie, I'm also excited to get my life back for a couple of months where I'm not injecting myself every night and giving up alcohol and caffeine.
My right side where my ovary is feels a bit tight but honestly it's felt worse at different parts of this journey. I've been very careful to avoid twisting and I can't help worry about things like OHSS and what happens after egg collection, but by the time my period comes it should all be flushing away and reverting to normal.
It's easy to get wrapped up in this experience but I still find it challenging that the support and advice for egg freezing is just dwarfed by IVF. The issues are entirely different. I do find it useful to read IVF forums for understanding issues regarding the egg collection process, but all this DH this and BFN/P that- it's not relevant to my journey and in some ways highlights the wrong thing about this process as it only painfully reminds me that my life is not where I had hoped it would be at this point.
It's also interesting the responses I've had from different friends about what I'm doing. I have been reasonably open about telling friends of mine what I'm doing and the results have ranged from "That's amazing and you would make a great mother." to "Why would you do that?" to "Why don't you just get pregnant now?". The responses have not necessarily coordinated with the friends I thought they would have, either.
I'm not rushing in to any decisions. I just feel that this gives me an option I would otherwise be passing up. And I believe that it is a good idea and the right thing for me to be doing at this time. In addition, having lost an ovary already, it makes sense to try to preserve eggs from my remaining ovary which, as discussed already has a small cyst on it, because as I well know- anything can happen and then your choices can be taken away from you.
On the other hand, it puts into stark relief things about my life that have disappointed me. It forces me to consider things that I have not necessarily been considering. And I feel it is additionally challenging to be undertaking all of this alone without anyone to truly share 'the burden' of the harder thoughts with. Or just the stupid moments of having injections and sharps boxes.
It's part of the reason I made this blog, and have tried to find others. Or maybe I'm just someone who likes sharing. Anyway. Enough Sunday morning rambling! I will continue to keep this blog updated with the results of this cycle, any thoughts in between, and when I do the second cycle (which I am entirely assuming I will do as there is no reason at this point to think I won't) I'll return to it, though possibly not the day by day description that this first cycle has been. But as my doctor says, that's still a ways away. First things first!
Last day of shots today!! Woohoo!!
I've arranged for my friend to be there by 10 and I imagine I should be able to leave by 11 at the latest. So the end is almost here. I can see it. I'm both nervous and excited. And I'm not going to lie, I'm also excited to get my life back for a couple of months where I'm not injecting myself every night and giving up alcohol and caffeine.
My right side where my ovary is feels a bit tight but honestly it's felt worse at different parts of this journey. I've been very careful to avoid twisting and I can't help worry about things like OHSS and what happens after egg collection, but by the time my period comes it should all be flushing away and reverting to normal.
It's easy to get wrapped up in this experience but I still find it challenging that the support and advice for egg freezing is just dwarfed by IVF. The issues are entirely different. I do find it useful to read IVF forums for understanding issues regarding the egg collection process, but all this DH this and BFN/P that- it's not relevant to my journey and in some ways highlights the wrong thing about this process as it only painfully reminds me that my life is not where I had hoped it would be at this point.
It's also interesting the responses I've had from different friends about what I'm doing. I have been reasonably open about telling friends of mine what I'm doing and the results have ranged from "That's amazing and you would make a great mother." to "Why would you do that?" to "Why don't you just get pregnant now?". The responses have not necessarily coordinated with the friends I thought they would have, either.
I'm not rushing in to any decisions. I just feel that this gives me an option I would otherwise be passing up. And I believe that it is a good idea and the right thing for me to be doing at this time. In addition, having lost an ovary already, it makes sense to try to preserve eggs from my remaining ovary which, as discussed already has a small cyst on it, because as I well know- anything can happen and then your choices can be taken away from you.
On the other hand, it puts into stark relief things about my life that have disappointed me. It forces me to consider things that I have not necessarily been considering. And I feel it is additionally challenging to be undertaking all of this alone without anyone to truly share 'the burden' of the harder thoughts with. Or just the stupid moments of having injections and sharps boxes.
It's part of the reason I made this blog, and have tried to find others. Or maybe I'm just someone who likes sharing. Anyway. Enough Sunday morning rambling! I will continue to keep this blog updated with the results of this cycle, any thoughts in between, and when I do the second cycle (which I am entirely assuming I will do as there is no reason at this point to think I won't) I'll return to it, though possibly not the day by day description that this first cycle has been. But as my doctor says, that's still a ways away. First things first!
Last day of shots today!! Woohoo!!
20 February 2013
Day 11 - Scan
So I had a scan this morning with a different doctor. All going well. I saw her count ten follicles and I saw a few more she didn't count. She said it was good that they were mostly growing uniformly- that there weren't one or two 'ahead of the pack' in terms of growth which is good. I guess they try to generally measure only the biggest ones. She said they were also growing at a regular and steady and desirable rate. So that was also all good. The sad news is she said my collection could be Monday or even Tuesday. It just keeps getting pushed further away!! Ugh! I hate the waiting!!!
Also this means I need to try to rearrange my "support" person as the person I had lined up is only free Thursday and Friday. I think I've arranged someone though, so that's good.
I'm staying on the same dose of Gonal-F (225) plus the Cetrotide.
I asked if I was at any risk of OSHH. The doctor told me that she didn't think so- especially as I had only one ovary. If I had two ovaries, then maybe. I thought this was interesting as I haven't seen anything about OHSS risks being reduced by having one ovary, but hey, I'll take it.
I learned the leftover injection pen and vials can go directly into the trash. I'm not sure I 100% believe this, but the nurse said that they just put it all in regular trash so I can put it in my trash at home. So I guess I will, even though it feels vaguely wrong.
Also, I learned that the clinic does see patients on the weekend for procedures- but they don't do scans and regular consultations on the weekend. That seemed reasonable.
I definitely feel a tightness or pressure on my right side where my ovary is. It's mildly annoying but not painful. I can't say I've really had any other side effects that I've noticed. I have some mild bruising across my belly from all the shots, but it's not that bad, and not painful.
Just back to shots and waiting...
Also this means I need to try to rearrange my "support" person as the person I had lined up is only free Thursday and Friday. I think I've arranged someone though, so that's good.
I'm staying on the same dose of Gonal-F (225) plus the Cetrotide.
I asked if I was at any risk of OSHH. The doctor told me that she didn't think so- especially as I had only one ovary. If I had two ovaries, then maybe. I thought this was interesting as I haven't seen anything about OHSS risks being reduced by having one ovary, but hey, I'll take it.
I learned the leftover injection pen and vials can go directly into the trash. I'm not sure I 100% believe this, but the nurse said that they just put it all in regular trash so I can put it in my trash at home. So I guess I will, even though it feels vaguely wrong.
Also, I learned that the clinic does see patients on the weekend for procedures- but they don't do scans and regular consultations on the weekend. That seemed reasonable.
I definitely feel a tightness or pressure on my right side where my ovary is. It's mildly annoying but not painful. I can't say I've really had any other side effects that I've noticed. I have some mild bruising across my belly from all the shots, but it's not that bad, and not painful.
Just back to shots and waiting...
16 February 2013
Day 6 - Shots
Just a quick one on the shots last night. Again I was a little bit late so I just wanted to get home and get it done. I was still just trying to get my mind in the right place after the panic. I am also going to guess that my reaction to the cyst was maybe due to all these hormones I'm taking? At any rate, I just thought I'd have a nice calm night of doing my injections and going to bed.
So first I finished off that 900 Gonal-F pen which kept sticking at 25. I was careful to ensure it pressed the entire way down for the last dose and did not get stuck on 25 so that was good. Then I went to mix up the Cetrotide. Did all the steps, ready to go, get the needle in (and it was a bit pokey in the place I selected), I look down and realize I didn't expel the air bubble! Ugh!
So I had to withdraw the needle which now had a bit of blood on it and blood welling up (because I picked a pokey spot). I slowly expelled the air bubble which also meant a little bit of blood that was in the needle tip came out. I wiped it with the alcohol wipe and let it dry and didn't let it touch anything else and when the air was gone I picked a new spot and did the injection.
You think you're just getting to be good at all this stuff and then oops! At least I caught it.
I'm starting to feel a bit of "tightness" in my right side (where the ovary is). It's not pain or even twinges, but more like a small fullness. It's interesting of course because I can compare the two sides as one has no ovary and I can tell a difference. Or maybe I'm just getting a little bloated. To be fair, none of it is particularly bothersome. And other than yesterdays breakdown in tears, I can't say I've noticed any side effects in particular. Although I still have five or six days to go... I tell you what. I'm already looking forward to my "down time" between cycles. The one thing I am starting to feel is just a bit stressed again. I just want to get to the end and know how it's going to go (and really know if this was all worth it)!!
So first I finished off that 900 Gonal-F pen which kept sticking at 25. I was careful to ensure it pressed the entire way down for the last dose and did not get stuck on 25 so that was good. Then I went to mix up the Cetrotide. Did all the steps, ready to go, get the needle in (and it was a bit pokey in the place I selected), I look down and realize I didn't expel the air bubble! Ugh!
So I had to withdraw the needle which now had a bit of blood on it and blood welling up (because I picked a pokey spot). I slowly expelled the air bubble which also meant a little bit of blood that was in the needle tip came out. I wiped it with the alcohol wipe and let it dry and didn't let it touch anything else and when the air was gone I picked a new spot and did the injection.
You think you're just getting to be good at all this stuff and then oops! At least I caught it.
I'm starting to feel a bit of "tightness" in my right side (where the ovary is). It's not pain or even twinges, but more like a small fullness. It's interesting of course because I can compare the two sides as one has no ovary and I can tell a difference. Or maybe I'm just getting a little bloated. To be fair, none of it is particularly bothersome. And other than yesterdays breakdown in tears, I can't say I've noticed any side effects in particular. Although I still have five or six days to go... I tell you what. I'm already looking forward to my "down time" between cycles. The one thing I am starting to feel is just a bit stressed again. I just want to get to the end and know how it's going to go (and really know if this was all worth it)!!
15 February 2013
05 February 2013
All Systems Go!
I've just returned from my meeting at the clinic. Had an ultrasound scan of my ovary to see if it's good to go, and it is! So had a chat with the doctor to answer some of my questions, he prescribed the drugs, I met with the nurse to collect my drugs and learn all about how to inject myself. Got a blood test for sexually transmitted diseases and so now it's just a matter of waiting for my period to start. Last norethisterone is tonight! I start injecting on day 2 of my period, and need to go in for a scan and possible blood work on the 4th day of the drugs. I'm nervous, but I'm actually really excited. I felt really positive about it today!
So I'll do another post with all my drugs but I wanted to also record here some of my questions and answers, in part so I won't forget, and also because maybe it might help other people. So in no particular order:
So I'll do another post with all my drugs but I wanted to also record here some of my questions and answers, in part so I won't forget, and also because maybe it might help other people. So in no particular order:
- How am I supposed to understand AMH numbers against having one ovary?
- The doctor told me this is a two part answer. He said if I want to know how many eggs I have left, I should stick with the number as it stands. But if I'm trying to understand how my ovary might respond to medication, then I should consider the number to be doubled. Of course I will only get half of what one would expect from the doubled number, so again, tempering my expectation. But this is kind of great news because it bumps up my AMH to a better bracket. So that was good news. Actually, he said my one ovary was actually very promising. So I felt really good about that (I may regret these words later!)
- If I think I'm going to need two cycles, how much time should I prepare to leave between cycles (if any)?
- The doctor said they recommend to take a two or three month break in between cycles. Now on the way home I realized I still didn't understand this perfectly. I'm having a February cycle now. March would be one month off. Then is April possible? Or does a two month break mean not to do it in March or April? May won't be any good for me as I'm traveling to the States to see family for the annual trip home so I guess I'm looking at June. If I want to do a third cycle, and need to take a break, that means my third cycle will happen when I'm 39. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, it depends on a number of other factors.
- Is there a way for them to know if an ovary has twisted?
- I was reading up about how you shouldn't do any impact activities or twisting activities while stimulating. Because when I lost my other ovary, it had twisted 3x, I'm a little worried about it happening to this one. Twisting cuts off the blood supply and is pretty much bad. I mean, why does it twist?? So apparently there is no actual way for them to 'see' if it's twisted and the only way for them to know would be if it was very painful. He said that as the ovary gets larger, that's what might make it twist. Now my cyst, that was large- around 15cm. He said under stimulation, the ovary will grow to between 7-8cm so hopefully not so large to make it twist, but large enough that I need to be careful. That's fine. I plan on being very careful. They said to call of course if I had any pain or worries during the treatment.
- How many eggs should a woman freeze to have a very good chance at one future baby?
- Okay, this one has been bothering me because a lot of the egg freezing stuff I'm reading have women talking about freezing 10 or 11 eggs. When I met with the doctor the first time he said ideally I would really want around 20. I saw a different doctor today who will be managing my process and he actually said 20-30!! But that 20 was probably a good number to have a very good chance at one successful baby. His rationale was because the clinic results (see chart below for 2011) show a 33% success for clinical pregnancies with women 38-39. So because I am 38, the eggs I am freezing now will give me about a 1 in 3 chance of a successful pregnancy. He said that one IVF cycle will use about 7 eggs. So 20 frozen eggs accounts for 3 cycles and the odds show one of those would be likely positive. It's important to note that for live birth the number drops slightly.
| Patients age | <35 | 35-37 | 38-39 | 40-42 | 43-44 | >44 |
| % clinical pregnancies* | 44% | 37% | 33% | 13% | 6% | - |
| Clinical pregnancies per cycle commenced | 72/165 | 27/73 | 20/60 | 11/84 | 2/32 | 0/12 |
03 February 2013
On the Pill and Considering Diet
Just an update. I've been taking the norethisterone for six days now. No side effects that I can tell, not that I think there are supposed to be any. I have my scan and nursing appointment on Tuesday which is just two days away. I'm so anxious to get to it!
In other news I've been trying to moderate my diet in preparation for the procedure. This has meant trying to eliminate caffeine and alcohol from my diet. This has not been easy at all. I could do alcohol fairly easily, but it gets hard when you can't have a coke instead of a glass of wine. I've managed fairly well but I've had 2 glasses of wine in the past week because... well, I have no excuse. I read that and then I think, what the hell, I haven't managed fairly well at all!! But I've turned down quite a bit of alcohol in the past week, so I feel like I've done well. Ugh. This will be it until the procedure is finished. I fear it's too much money to be wasting and not taking it seriously. I've looked on forums and seen mixed information on how strict you should be and when you should start. Some people say to cut all caffeine and alcohol three months before the procedure (which I have completely missed the boat on) and some say only when you're on injections. Most seem to agree that a small cup of tea or coffee a day is okay, but caffeine isn't really my issue as I don't drink many hot beverages. It's the alcohol. I've cut back, and I'm happy to cut it out completely for the next three weeks. But it is hard.
My mind still wanders to worrying about egg collection and how few there might be. It's the whole one ovary thing. I read other blogs and other people's experiences and then I have to remind myself that they have two ovaries. I want to be hopeful but I am so terrified that I'll only get one or two or three when I really want seven or eight or nine. I know I just need to do it and see what happens but it is actually incredibly stressful.
In other news I've been trying to moderate my diet in preparation for the procedure. This has meant trying to eliminate caffeine and alcohol from my diet. This has not been easy at all. I could do alcohol fairly easily, but it gets hard when you can't have a coke instead of a glass of wine. I've managed fairly well but I've had 2 glasses of wine in the past week because... well, I have no excuse. I read that and then I think, what the hell, I haven't managed fairly well at all!! But I've turned down quite a bit of alcohol in the past week, so I feel like I've done well. Ugh. This will be it until the procedure is finished. I fear it's too much money to be wasting and not taking it seriously. I've looked on forums and seen mixed information on how strict you should be and when you should start. Some people say to cut all caffeine and alcohol three months before the procedure (which I have completely missed the boat on) and some say only when you're on injections. Most seem to agree that a small cup of tea or coffee a day is okay, but caffeine isn't really my issue as I don't drink many hot beverages. It's the alcohol. I've cut back, and I'm happy to cut it out completely for the next three weeks. But it is hard.
My mind still wanders to worrying about egg collection and how few there might be. It's the whole one ovary thing. I read other blogs and other people's experiences and then I have to remind myself that they have two ovaries. I want to be hopeful but I am so terrified that I'll only get one or two or three when I really want seven or eight or nine. I know I just need to do it and see what happens but it is actually incredibly stressful.
29 January 2013
(Not) Understanding Numbers
I look around a few IVF/egg freezing places and of course everyone wants to compare their numbers. Follicle Count, AMH, and FSH. Here's the problem. All of the numbers and charts provided are based on a woman with two ovaries. I have no idea what the numbers mean with my one little ovary.
In my quest to find information, I found something else of use that is not so easy to find- a comparison of US to UK AMH readings and brackets for what they mean: http://www.drmalpani.com/amh.htm.
Based on this, my AMH at 9.4 pmol/l would put me in a low fertility bracket. Although if it was doubled, I'd be in a satisfactory fertility bracket. Of course, following that logic, even if I was satisfactory, I'd only betting half of what a satisfactory person would be getting, but I still think it makes a difference based on how many eggs you might be able to get from a single ovary in terms of trying to temper my expectation.
Similarly, I found this: http://www.advancedfertility.com/antralfollicles.htm regarding Antral Follicle Counts. Now my count was 9- in one ovary and here there is an even bigger difference. As a single ovary I'm looking at a reduced count but if that were doubled, I'd be skipping a bracket right into a normal or good count.
These will be questions for my meeting on the 5th. Unfortunately however, UK doctors are just not as forthcoming as American ones. By the way, if anyone comes across this post and knows the answer, even if it's months from now, please feel free to illuminate. I will update the blog if I find an answer.
In my quest to find information, I found something else of use that is not so easy to find- a comparison of US to UK AMH readings and brackets for what they mean: http://www.drmalpani.com/amh.htm.
Based on this, my AMH at 9.4 pmol/l would put me in a low fertility bracket. Although if it was doubled, I'd be in a satisfactory fertility bracket. Of course, following that logic, even if I was satisfactory, I'd only betting half of what a satisfactory person would be getting, but I still think it makes a difference based on how many eggs you might be able to get from a single ovary in terms of trying to temper my expectation.
Similarly, I found this: http://www.advancedfertility.com/antralfollicles.htm regarding Antral Follicle Counts. Now my count was 9- in one ovary and here there is an even bigger difference. As a single ovary I'm looking at a reduced count but if that were doubled, I'd be skipping a bracket right into a normal or good count.
These will be questions for my meeting on the 5th. Unfortunately however, UK doctors are just not as forthcoming as American ones. By the way, if anyone comes across this post and knows the answer, even if it's months from now, please feel free to illuminate. I will update the blog if I find an answer.
15 January 2013
All Systems Go
So current issues are:
- Get to the 5th of Feb and ensure that all planned scans, etc do not conflict with my rather hectic back and forth schedule.
- Move that one appointment that is likely to conflict with collection day.
- Try to find someone to meet me at the clinic on collection day as they don't want you to go home alone.
In other news my mother started freaking out that the treatment was going to create another dermoid cyst and that I'd lose my last remaining ovary in the process. She lost both ovaries to dermoid cysts and I lost one. So there is a fair worry there, but I reminded her that I asked the doctor specifically about this issue and he said it was very unlikely. On top of which, given all the scanning I'll be having, if any cyst starts to develop, I imagine that they will be able to notice it and stop the process. Also, early cysts can be dealt with, without losing the ovary. It's a risk, but a minimal risk. And my only option is otherwise not to proceed. The doctor did not think it was a high risk. I think I need to go with his experience on the matter.
So that's where I'm at. Now I'm getting nervous that it's all going to fail and there won't be any eggs or not enough eggs. It's really kind of amazing the mental ups and downs you go through. I mean, I understand it, and it all seems a bit text book. But being typical doesn't change that I'm still going through it! Deep breaths. Calm thoughts. After all, if I meet someone in a couple of years, and we wanted kids and tried IVF then, it would be worse then. This is the best I can do, doing this right now. We'll see what happens.
16 December 2012
Blood Work is Back
So now we're catching up to where I'm at and why I started this blog. I got my results back, and a letter from the doctor. So here's the deal:
It's all very careful language isn't it? I mean, I know they can't promise anything. And I'll tell you what else, looking at IVF blogs is disheartening. Even for example, when I think about my good friend who went through 8(!) rounds. Yes, she just had babies from the last round, but all of those other eggs, they weren't good enough. I know egg freezing is not anything close to a guarantee that these eggs will work out. It's a lot of money.
However.... it's not my money. Is that terrible? I'll be honest here. If it was my own money, I'm not sure that I'd spend it on this. But since my mom is paying for it, I'm willing to take the risk. I'm willing to let myself be hopeful. And put myself through what will not be a particularly pleasant experience. All for the chance of maybe having something. But it's something I would really like to have. At some point.
I do wish I'd done this when I was younger. I'd have less angst if I still had both ovaries. If I knew that a good cycle would produce a lot of potential eggs. But I have to stay focused on my reality. And I have learned this from the IVF blogs- my reality isn't the end of the world either. It seems a lot of people trying to get pregnant have worse results than I do and they're going through and getting pregnant. And I don't believe the doctor would have told me that I had "reasonably good" chances if I didn't.
I am going to go ahead with this. Probably in February seeing as it's mid December and I'm about to go away for three weeks and will probably be getting my January period right before I come back. So I'm going to get in touch with the clinic and find out what needs to happen in February. Then I'll document everything as it happens here.
Stay tuned.
- Age: 38
- Height: 5'3"
- Weight: 185 lb
- Antral Follicle Count: 9 (one ovary)
- Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH): 9.4 pmol/l
It's all very careful language isn't it? I mean, I know they can't promise anything. And I'll tell you what else, looking at IVF blogs is disheartening. Even for example, when I think about my good friend who went through 8(!) rounds. Yes, she just had babies from the last round, but all of those other eggs, they weren't good enough. I know egg freezing is not anything close to a guarantee that these eggs will work out. It's a lot of money.
However.... it's not my money. Is that terrible? I'll be honest here. If it was my own money, I'm not sure that I'd spend it on this. But since my mom is paying for it, I'm willing to take the risk. I'm willing to let myself be hopeful. And put myself through what will not be a particularly pleasant experience. All for the chance of maybe having something. But it's something I would really like to have. At some point.
I do wish I'd done this when I was younger. I'd have less angst if I still had both ovaries. If I knew that a good cycle would produce a lot of potential eggs. But I have to stay focused on my reality. And I have learned this from the IVF blogs- my reality isn't the end of the world either. It seems a lot of people trying to get pregnant have worse results than I do and they're going through and getting pregnant. And I don't believe the doctor would have told me that I had "reasonably good" chances if I didn't.
I am going to go ahead with this. Probably in February seeing as it's mid December and I'm about to go away for three weeks and will probably be getting my January period right before I come back. So I'm going to get in touch with the clinic and find out what needs to happen in February. Then I'll document everything as it happens here.
Stay tuned.
Initial Consultation
So it ended up that I was off the pill for five months before getting to the clinic. I first went on the pill when I was 19. As a teenager, I had never had "normal" periods in the sense that I only had about 4-6 a year. The pill was a life-saver for me. It regulated my periods so I didn't have to wonder all of the time if I was getting my period or not. I was on the pill a long time.
At some point when I was 27 or 28, they took me off the pill because I had high cholesterol and was overweight. My periods were again not regular and it was frustrating and annoying. I was off the pill for a couple of years. I don't remember how it happened now, but my cholesterol lowered, I moved, and I managed to get back on them. I was on the pill until my emergency surgery to remove an ovary due to a large dermoid cyst. I had a few months off and then went back on the pill, but this time on Cerazette which is a progestogen only pill which had the awesome side effect of eliminating my periods altogether.
I didn't have high hopes for my menstrual cycle going off the pill this time. So imagine my surprise that for the past six months I've had six 'normal' periods, pretty much monthly. Go figure.
So after five months I got back in touch with the clinic and arranged my first consultation appointment. The clinic was calm and quiet. The staff were friendly. I met with the head doctor for the consultation. We discussed my personal history, why I was looking into egg freezing, what my concerns were. I could sum them up as follows:
He told me that in order to try to assure best odds for a future pregnancy, I would ideally want 15-20 frozen eggs. He suggested that if one assumes an 8-10 egg collection per cycle, that I would be looking at 2 cycles. He said if they were only able to get 5 eggs in a cycle, I might want to consider 3 cycles, though obviously cost becomes an issue. They don't recommend more than 3 cycles. I should add that at this point, I believe I can only afford 2.
So with all of that information, I went ahead with the ultrasound in the clinic. I was intrigued by the ultrasound equipment, seeing as I have the same test every year on my remaining ovary it was shocking to see how much more powerful the equipment they had was. Also, it was 3D. I got to see my uterus like a shining golden chalice. He said it all looked healthy and normal. And then my ovary. I'm looking at the screen, looking for my ovary, because I do this every year and he's showing me something about the ovary and I'm like, "Oh, is that black spot the ovary?" and he's like, "No, that's a follicle. All of those black spots are follicles. The entire thing is your ovary."
Really? I'm used to my ovary being the size of a circle I make with my thumb and pointer finger on the screen, not the entire size of the screen! He clicked and mapped things and looked around a lot. He said he didn't see any sign of the cyst that I get checked for every year. That was kind of weird. But then, when I was on the operating table, they looked for it visually and didn't see it. Still, I swear I see it every year on the ultrasound they do at the hospital but I sort of have to believe this guy knows what he's looking at. At any rate, it was a good result as I had 9 follicles showing on the ovary which is apparently a reasonable amount. So that meant I was a reasonable candidate for egg freezing. But I had to do the blood test to find out the rest of the story.
So on to another part of the clinic. Paid just shy of 500 pounds for the consultation, ultrasound and blood work. Then met with the nurse who took my blood. They said they'd get the results back to me in a couple of weeks. I updated my mom (obviously) and went home to think about everything and wait on the results.
At some point when I was 27 or 28, they took me off the pill because I had high cholesterol and was overweight. My periods were again not regular and it was frustrating and annoying. I was off the pill for a couple of years. I don't remember how it happened now, but my cholesterol lowered, I moved, and I managed to get back on them. I was on the pill until my emergency surgery to remove an ovary due to a large dermoid cyst. I had a few months off and then went back on the pill, but this time on Cerazette which is a progestogen only pill which had the awesome side effect of eliminating my periods altogether.
I didn't have high hopes for my menstrual cycle going off the pill this time. So imagine my surprise that for the past six months I've had six 'normal' periods, pretty much monthly. Go figure.
So after five months I got back in touch with the clinic and arranged my first consultation appointment. The clinic was calm and quiet. The staff were friendly. I met with the head doctor for the consultation. We discussed my personal history, why I was looking into egg freezing, what my concerns were. I could sum them up as follows:
- I have a history of irregular periods, I did not know if this was a sign of a less than optimal fertility.
- I have one ovary left. I did not know if this made me not particularly suitable for egg freezing.
- I'm 38. Obviously at this age your fertility starts to drop anyway, so I didn't know what my overall chances were, aside from the whole one ovary thing.
- I have a history of one very bad dermoid cyst and I have been told that I have a small one on my remaining ovary that is monitored every year. I wanted to know how the drugs used in egg retrieval would interact with cysts.
- My periods have been regular since going off the pill. Without further tests, it's not an outstanding indication of anything wrong.
- One ovary is not ideal obviously, but does not mean I'm not suitable. Again, further tests are required for a better picture.
- 38 is getting older but still a reasonable age. The doctor told me about women who come to him at 40, 42, 45 and how he wishes they came sooner. He explained how freezing my eggs now would freeze my 'chance' at 38. He said, I could obviously still get pregnant naturally. I may never use the eggs. I may decide to use the eggs. But that it simply gave me an option that I otherwise wouldn't have and that option would be 'frozen' at my chance now, at age 38. Which, he reiterated, was not necessarily horrible.
- We discussed the cyst and my mother's history of cysts. He said it's very unusual for hormones to affect dermoid cysts and that he wouldn't consider it an issue, though obviously they would monitor it carefully. And also, the procedure will always come with some risks. He rightfully noted that I would be rather protective of my one remaining ovary and that it was sensible to not want to do anything that might damage it.
He told me that in order to try to assure best odds for a future pregnancy, I would ideally want 15-20 frozen eggs. He suggested that if one assumes an 8-10 egg collection per cycle, that I would be looking at 2 cycles. He said if they were only able to get 5 eggs in a cycle, I might want to consider 3 cycles, though obviously cost becomes an issue. They don't recommend more than 3 cycles. I should add that at this point, I believe I can only afford 2.
So with all of that information, I went ahead with the ultrasound in the clinic. I was intrigued by the ultrasound equipment, seeing as I have the same test every year on my remaining ovary it was shocking to see how much more powerful the equipment they had was. Also, it was 3D. I got to see my uterus like a shining golden chalice. He said it all looked healthy and normal. And then my ovary. I'm looking at the screen, looking for my ovary, because I do this every year and he's showing me something about the ovary and I'm like, "Oh, is that black spot the ovary?" and he's like, "No, that's a follicle. All of those black spots are follicles. The entire thing is your ovary."
Really? I'm used to my ovary being the size of a circle I make with my thumb and pointer finger on the screen, not the entire size of the screen! He clicked and mapped things and looked around a lot. He said he didn't see any sign of the cyst that I get checked for every year. That was kind of weird. But then, when I was on the operating table, they looked for it visually and didn't see it. Still, I swear I see it every year on the ultrasound they do at the hospital but I sort of have to believe this guy knows what he's looking at. At any rate, it was a good result as I had 9 follicles showing on the ovary which is apparently a reasonable amount. So that meant I was a reasonable candidate for egg freezing. But I had to do the blood test to find out the rest of the story.
So on to another part of the clinic. Paid just shy of 500 pounds for the consultation, ultrasound and blood work. Then met with the nurse who took my blood. They said they'd get the results back to me in a couple of weeks. I updated my mom (obviously) and went home to think about everything and wait on the results.
Who What Where Why
I've been searching the internet for some blogs on egg freezing as it's something I'm about to embark on. I've come across a couple of helpful blogs but not as many as I'd like, so I thought I'd keep track of my own feelings, and also share them in order to add a voice to what's out there.
First up, I'm not a doctor, and I can't answer questions like that. But I want to talk about my journey, and how it all goes for me, in the hopes that my experience may help someone else come to what is ultimately, a very personal and unique decision.
This is my story.
I'm 38 years old. I live in London, although I'm also American. This is important to the story because some time earlier this year, my mother sent me an email after having read this article in the New York Times about parents who were offering to pay for their daughter's to have their eggs frozen. She was nervous about broaching the subject, as I should also point out that I'm 38 and single. I've never had any serious or long-term relationship. My parents have over time "bothered" me about my single status and I usually tell them off for it if they start to get too pushy. So I can understand why my mother was tentative about raising it.
However, I wasn't upset by her bringing this up. At 38, although a number of my friends stayed single and got married very late, many of my friends are having their first children now. In fairness, some had them a few years ago, although I don't know many who had children before 30. So my Facebook and conversations have been invaded by pregnancies and babies. IVF and infertility. I always thought I would find someone and have a family. I've started to feel like I was going to miss my chance.
I should also add that this wasn't necessarily new thinking, as I'd had a fertility related issue when I was 33 and I had emergency surgery for an ovarian cyst and lost one of my ovaries. I remember the doctor saying to me at the time that if I was going to consider having a family, that I should think about it sooner rather than later. I don't let things like this get to me, but I did feel it was fairly inconsiderate. It wasn't like I could just magic up a relationship, snap my fingers and have everything in place that would enable me to have a family. It wasn't like I'd never thought about it before. It wasn't as though I didn't want it. I just didn't feel I had control over it.
Last, I've started to consider my legacy and purpose in life. Not that I never considered these things before, but I've thought about it more. I'm an only child. It's possible that at some point in my life I will come in to a reasonable inheritance provided my parents don't blow through all their savings. What's it all for? Who will I leave my things to? Like I said, I always assumed I'd have kids- a family. I'm just more and more aware that the window is shrinking.
And I've thought about things like adoption. But I had no idea how difficult adoption was. How they don't like to give babies to single women. Or women over 40. So when you reach a point in life where you are able and willing to give a child a home, you just aren't a good option. It's not that I wouldn't consider it, but I learned I can't count on it.
So when my mom brought this up, I thought about it. And then I thought about it some more. To be honest, I didn't have any idea what state my fertility was in or if egg freezing was viable for me given my medical history. But I thought maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. And I definitely thought it would be a good idea just to find out the basics and talk to a specialist. So I agreed to go. And so my journey begins.
First up, I'm not a doctor, and I can't answer questions like that. But I want to talk about my journey, and how it all goes for me, in the hopes that my experience may help someone else come to what is ultimately, a very personal and unique decision.
This is my story.
I'm 38 years old. I live in London, although I'm also American. This is important to the story because some time earlier this year, my mother sent me an email after having read this article in the New York Times about parents who were offering to pay for their daughter's to have their eggs frozen. She was nervous about broaching the subject, as I should also point out that I'm 38 and single. I've never had any serious or long-term relationship. My parents have over time "bothered" me about my single status and I usually tell them off for it if they start to get too pushy. So I can understand why my mother was tentative about raising it.
However, I wasn't upset by her bringing this up. At 38, although a number of my friends stayed single and got married very late, many of my friends are having their first children now. In fairness, some had them a few years ago, although I don't know many who had children before 30. So my Facebook and conversations have been invaded by pregnancies and babies. IVF and infertility. I always thought I would find someone and have a family. I've started to feel like I was going to miss my chance.
I should also add that this wasn't necessarily new thinking, as I'd had a fertility related issue when I was 33 and I had emergency surgery for an ovarian cyst and lost one of my ovaries. I remember the doctor saying to me at the time that if I was going to consider having a family, that I should think about it sooner rather than later. I don't let things like this get to me, but I did feel it was fairly inconsiderate. It wasn't like I could just magic up a relationship, snap my fingers and have everything in place that would enable me to have a family. It wasn't like I'd never thought about it before. It wasn't as though I didn't want it. I just didn't feel I had control over it.
Last, I've started to consider my legacy and purpose in life. Not that I never considered these things before, but I've thought about it more. I'm an only child. It's possible that at some point in my life I will come in to a reasonable inheritance provided my parents don't blow through all their savings. What's it all for? Who will I leave my things to? Like I said, I always assumed I'd have kids- a family. I'm just more and more aware that the window is shrinking.
And I've thought about things like adoption. But I had no idea how difficult adoption was. How they don't like to give babies to single women. Or women over 40. So when you reach a point in life where you are able and willing to give a child a home, you just aren't a good option. It's not that I wouldn't consider it, but I learned I can't count on it.
So when my mom brought this up, I thought about it. And then I thought about it some more. To be honest, I didn't have any idea what state my fertility was in or if egg freezing was viable for me given my medical history. But I thought maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. And I definitely thought it would be a good idea just to find out the basics and talk to a specialist. So I agreed to go. And so my journey begins.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)