I'm finally starting to feel a little bit more normal.
When I wrote my last post, I was at home relaxing after the procedure. I did manage to go up to Cambridge that night and I did note that the more I moved around the more "crampy" and "achy" my abdominal area seemed to be. And it wasn't only concentrated on my left side where my ovary is.
I took some paracetamol as I was told I could and slept okay when I finally got home, although I woke up with more abdominal discomfort and a bit of bloating. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I had a lot of gas but not much productivity. This reminded me that when I had the surgery to have my ovary removed, they told me that abdominal intrusion can make the digestive track seize up. In fact, they wouldn't let me leave the hospital until I'd pooped back then. So I started to wonder if something similar wasn't going on.
Yesterday I had a course to go on so I did that and continued to have the occasional over the counter painkiller. Uncomfortable, but not really worse than bad period pains. I was noting that it seemed more 'abdominal' than 'right side' and although I was drinking a lot, and peeing a lot, no other action was going on.
As I didn't bring my bicycle up (like I usually do) I decided to walk home last night which is a little over a mile. It wasn't the most comfortable walk, but I took it slow and steady. I felt that getting some light physical activity in might help my system get moving. Got home, lots of air, no action.
This morning however, my abdominal area feels much better. I got up and had results in the bathroom. I have no idea of I'm making connections that aren't there, but I do know I feel much more comfortable and generally better. Still a bit of bloating and now any aches are pretty much identifiable as on my left side where the ovary is still enlarged.
Also, I've noticed that I think I bit my tongue under sedation and maybe it pressed on my jaw a bit funny if they gave me an oxygen mask as both sides of my jaw, close to my ears is sore to the touch. First I thought it was a pimple, but then I noticed it was on both sides and think it was something else. The tongue thing is annoying, but it will sort itself out.
So I guess I just wait for my period and finally my body can return to normal for a bit, before I go for it again in June.
I feel less disappointed by my six eggs. And I'm really pleased that they are there waiting for me in the freezer. It does make me determined to do at least one more cycle, but I am glad that I have done this. My chances at future pregnancy only diminish from here on out, so those six eggs, and whatever I get in June are a great investment.
When I get back to London I will try to do a break-down post about my costs, as I think it's something useful there should be more information about. I should also have my formal letter from the clinic regarding the extraction, so I will post if there is anything interesting from that. I may also, in the interim, post some thoughts on future parenthood. But in general, I suspect this blog will go a bit quiet until my next cycle starts up.
I'm glad that my story has helped some people. Any questions, please email or leave a comment. And if you are starting your own journey and begin a blog, please send me the link and I will add it to the blog roll on the right.
28 February 2013
26 February 2013
Day 17 - Egg retrieval
So it's about a quarter past noon and I am at home sprawled on my couch chilling out. I don't know anything yet, so I'm going to probably save this post as a draft and update it later so it contains the entire story of the day. Although if you're reading this and I've posted it, it will contain the full story.
But while it's relatively fresh in my head, let me record how today has gone so far.
So I had dinner last night around 8pm and then only water with the last water being probably around 10:30 or so. Was feeling a bit anxious- just went to bed after setting two different alarms.
Woke up before both alarms and also at some time in the night because I had to pee. I did try to drink a bunch of water yesterday- not only because I hear it makes recovery after the collection better, but also because my veins can be fiddly so it's better if I'm more hydrated than not. So I just lay in bed in and out of sleep waiting for the alarms. Eventually got up. Straight into the shower. Just a single swipe of deodorant, no other perfumes or scented products. Took care of the suppository, put my clothes on, grabbed my sealed sharps bin and headed out.
Got to the clinic around 8:20. The receptionists weren't there yet, although I saw people moving about inside, they didn't come answer the door when I rang. Had to wait about five minutes for someone to come to work who let me in, asked if I was there for a procedure, had me sit and then it was really a minute or less before one of the nurses came to get me.
First she asked me to empty my bladder, so I did that. Then she took me into the procedure/recovery suite. She showed me to a cubicle area and said it would be my area. It had a hospital type bed covered in paper, a pillow, a blanket, a hospital gown, a blood pressure machine, a chair, and a wardrobe. She told me I could put all of my things in the wardrobe. After covering my name and birthday, taking my blood pressure, and checking when I had last eaten or drank, she asked me to change into the gown and then just wait for the anesthetist. And she closed the curtain to my cubicle.
So I did all this. It's a bit awkward to try to tie up a gown in the back on your own. Yet another moment of "Ugh, this sucks to be on your own." but it quickly passed. I got changed, on the bed, covered myself up with the blanket and tried to just stay calm and rest. After all, I hadn't slept all that great, and I was nervous.
Another couple came in to a different cubicle for another procedure.
Then the anesthetist arrived. A kindly older man who asked me again for my name and birthday and when I last ate or drank and we went through some basic medical history that would be relevant to anesthetics. He seemed to suggest all was in order, so we could get ready to go.
The nurse came back for me and we walked to what I'm going to assume was a prep room. I'm not at all sure it was the actual procedure room and if pushed I'd suggest it wasn't. Based on my only other experience with UK set-ups, when I had my ovary out, they prep you in the prep room but everything happens in the procedure room which basically you never get to see. I could see that there was a very wide door to a more clinical looking room at the other end of what I think was the prep room. But, I may never know.
Because, basically, they asked me to get on the table which had an absorption pad for under your pelvis. They brought the pillow and the blanket so once I got settled they had me covered and resting on the pillow. They attached three electrodes to me and hooked them up to a machine. In the meantime, the anesthetist needed to get the cannula in my wrist. Despite drinking lots, my veins were being fiddly so he had me do a bunch of pumping and then he got it in. Cannula's are not the most comfortable things. It's not that it really hurt, it was just uncomfortable, but he was very gentle with it and once it was in placed my hand across my chest. My doctor showed up and asked how I was. I said I'd felt more bloated since the trigger shot and more uncomfortable on that side, which he said was normal. He explained the procedure, what they were going to do and went through the possible risks. With all that done, the anesthetist said he'd give me a drug that might make me a bit woozy and then asked what my PhD was about. I was telling him, and he said something like, "Oh, so you could tell me how to improve my Victorian terrace house." and I said something like, "Yeah, I could." and the nurse was having me get my leg into a stirrup and that is the last thing I remember.
Next thing I know, I'm coming out of a very pleasant sleep feeling nice and warm and toasty. There's a blood pressure cuff on my arm I think, or maybe just the thing on your finger. At any rate, I'm completely back in the cubicle I started off in. No idea how I got from the one to the other. I don't feel particularly much of anything out of the ordinary. My abdomen is a bit crampy, but nothing worse than period pains, although I'm also on painkillers, so I should bear this in mind as at some point they are going to wear off. A nurses comes in and gives me a cup of water which I drink. Then she asks me if I'd like some tea and how I take it (with sugar, no milk).
So then she brings me a mug of tea and some hard cookies/biscuits. I drink the tea, I eat the biscuits and I feel very alert. Almost euphoric. I want to laugh. I suppose it's just the stress of everything being really over. I ask if my friend has arrived and they say yes. I look at the machine and realize that it's past 10:30. I've been out for a while! The nurse comes back after a bit to take out the cannula. Another nurse comes to remind me of the info sheet. What not to do today, what drugs not to take. And then basically I'm discharged. They say the embryologist will call me later with the details of the collection and I can get dressed.
I do, I give over my sharps bin. I realize I'm in a slight daze. I'm alert, but everything seems a bit surreal. I meet up with my friend, and we head out. It's that simple. I took public transport home although they said not to, honestly, it was completely fine. I just feel a bit crampy.
On the way home, stopped by the grocery so I could pick up a ready-meal for lunch as I don't have anything in and don't want to have to go out until later, my friend got me up to my front door, and then he went back to work, and here I am on the couch.
The embryologist just called around 12:30. I have six eggs. They collected six, and all six were mature and able to be frozen. I don't know if they were all fully mature or the various gradations of mature. As per usual, I was slightly in shock by the call and so did not have the wherewithal to ask the questions that are now going through my head.
Six.
Closer to five than to ten. But better than nothing. Not as good as I had hoped for. But six eggs in the freezer is six eggs I otherwise did not have in the freezer before. So cycle two will definitely be June. I guess before then I'll try to have an appointment with the doctor to see if he thinks we should change the protocol based on this one to see if something should change to see if I can get closer to the ten.
Because I was completely out of it for the procedure, I have no idea how many follicles there actually were in the end. On Friday there were 13. But I only have one ovary. The response is within the expected range of five to ten, so that's good, just on the lower side of the expected range, but hey, that's life.
Now I just have to be gentle with my body over the coming days until I get my period and my ovary starts to deflate back to normal size.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit disappointed by six. But then this entire journey is just one crazy emotional roller coaster ride. And I need to remind myself- what is the alternative? Six eggs in the freezer, is six 38 year old eggs that would otherwise have been flushed. I will do a second cycle. If I want to preserve my fertility chances, then this is the best possible thing I can be doing at this point in time, and if this is what my body gives me, then that's what it is. I have to remember, the alternative to this, is to have absolutely nothing.
Six is basically enough for one IVF cycle. Hopefully I'll get at least as many on the next cycle. Then I'll probably need to see if I can find finances for a third cycle depending on how the second one goes. But as my doctor tells me- one step at a time! For now, it's be gentle, wait for period, enjoy the break in between, and then prepare to do it all again.
But while it's relatively fresh in my head, let me record how today has gone so far.
So I had dinner last night around 8pm and then only water with the last water being probably around 10:30 or so. Was feeling a bit anxious- just went to bed after setting two different alarms.
Woke up before both alarms and also at some time in the night because I had to pee. I did try to drink a bunch of water yesterday- not only because I hear it makes recovery after the collection better, but also because my veins can be fiddly so it's better if I'm more hydrated than not. So I just lay in bed in and out of sleep waiting for the alarms. Eventually got up. Straight into the shower. Just a single swipe of deodorant, no other perfumes or scented products. Took care of the suppository, put my clothes on, grabbed my sealed sharps bin and headed out.
Got to the clinic around 8:20. The receptionists weren't there yet, although I saw people moving about inside, they didn't come answer the door when I rang. Had to wait about five minutes for someone to come to work who let me in, asked if I was there for a procedure, had me sit and then it was really a minute or less before one of the nurses came to get me.
First she asked me to empty my bladder, so I did that. Then she took me into the procedure/recovery suite. She showed me to a cubicle area and said it would be my area. It had a hospital type bed covered in paper, a pillow, a blanket, a hospital gown, a blood pressure machine, a chair, and a wardrobe. She told me I could put all of my things in the wardrobe. After covering my name and birthday, taking my blood pressure, and checking when I had last eaten or drank, she asked me to change into the gown and then just wait for the anesthetist. And she closed the curtain to my cubicle.
So I did all this. It's a bit awkward to try to tie up a gown in the back on your own. Yet another moment of "Ugh, this sucks to be on your own." but it quickly passed. I got changed, on the bed, covered myself up with the blanket and tried to just stay calm and rest. After all, I hadn't slept all that great, and I was nervous.
Another couple came in to a different cubicle for another procedure.
Then the anesthetist arrived. A kindly older man who asked me again for my name and birthday and when I last ate or drank and we went through some basic medical history that would be relevant to anesthetics. He seemed to suggest all was in order, so we could get ready to go.
The nurse came back for me and we walked to what I'm going to assume was a prep room. I'm not at all sure it was the actual procedure room and if pushed I'd suggest it wasn't. Based on my only other experience with UK set-ups, when I had my ovary out, they prep you in the prep room but everything happens in the procedure room which basically you never get to see. I could see that there was a very wide door to a more clinical looking room at the other end of what I think was the prep room. But, I may never know.
Because, basically, they asked me to get on the table which had an absorption pad for under your pelvis. They brought the pillow and the blanket so once I got settled they had me covered and resting on the pillow. They attached three electrodes to me and hooked them up to a machine. In the meantime, the anesthetist needed to get the cannula in my wrist. Despite drinking lots, my veins were being fiddly so he had me do a bunch of pumping and then he got it in. Cannula's are not the most comfortable things. It's not that it really hurt, it was just uncomfortable, but he was very gentle with it and once it was in placed my hand across my chest. My doctor showed up and asked how I was. I said I'd felt more bloated since the trigger shot and more uncomfortable on that side, which he said was normal. He explained the procedure, what they were going to do and went through the possible risks. With all that done, the anesthetist said he'd give me a drug that might make me a bit woozy and then asked what my PhD was about. I was telling him, and he said something like, "Oh, so you could tell me how to improve my Victorian terrace house." and I said something like, "Yeah, I could." and the nurse was having me get my leg into a stirrup and that is the last thing I remember.
Next thing I know, I'm coming out of a very pleasant sleep feeling nice and warm and toasty. There's a blood pressure cuff on my arm I think, or maybe just the thing on your finger. At any rate, I'm completely back in the cubicle I started off in. No idea how I got from the one to the other. I don't feel particularly much of anything out of the ordinary. My abdomen is a bit crampy, but nothing worse than period pains, although I'm also on painkillers, so I should bear this in mind as at some point they are going to wear off. A nurses comes in and gives me a cup of water which I drink. Then she asks me if I'd like some tea and how I take it (with sugar, no milk).
So then she brings me a mug of tea and some hard cookies/biscuits. I drink the tea, I eat the biscuits and I feel very alert. Almost euphoric. I want to laugh. I suppose it's just the stress of everything being really over. I ask if my friend has arrived and they say yes. I look at the machine and realize that it's past 10:30. I've been out for a while! The nurse comes back after a bit to take out the cannula. Another nurse comes to remind me of the info sheet. What not to do today, what drugs not to take. And then basically I'm discharged. They say the embryologist will call me later with the details of the collection and I can get dressed.
I do, I give over my sharps bin. I realize I'm in a slight daze. I'm alert, but everything seems a bit surreal. I meet up with my friend, and we head out. It's that simple. I took public transport home although they said not to, honestly, it was completely fine. I just feel a bit crampy.
On the way home, stopped by the grocery so I could pick up a ready-meal for lunch as I don't have anything in and don't want to have to go out until later, my friend got me up to my front door, and then he went back to work, and here I am on the couch.
The embryologist just called around 12:30. I have six eggs. They collected six, and all six were mature and able to be frozen. I don't know if they were all fully mature or the various gradations of mature. As per usual, I was slightly in shock by the call and so did not have the wherewithal to ask the questions that are now going through my head.
Six.
Closer to five than to ten. But better than nothing. Not as good as I had hoped for. But six eggs in the freezer is six eggs I otherwise did not have in the freezer before. So cycle two will definitely be June. I guess before then I'll try to have an appointment with the doctor to see if he thinks we should change the protocol based on this one to see if something should change to see if I can get closer to the ten.
Because I was completely out of it for the procedure, I have no idea how many follicles there actually were in the end. On Friday there were 13. But I only have one ovary. The response is within the expected range of five to ten, so that's good, just on the lower side of the expected range, but hey, that's life.
Now I just have to be gentle with my body over the coming days until I get my period and my ovary starts to deflate back to normal size.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit disappointed by six. But then this entire journey is just one crazy emotional roller coaster ride. And I need to remind myself- what is the alternative? Six eggs in the freezer, is six 38 year old eggs that would otherwise have been flushed. I will do a second cycle. If I want to preserve my fertility chances, then this is the best possible thing I can be doing at this point in time, and if this is what my body gives me, then that's what it is. I have to remember, the alternative to this, is to have absolutely nothing.
Six is basically enough for one IVF cycle. Hopefully I'll get at least as many on the next cycle. Then I'll probably need to see if I can find finances for a third cycle depending on how the second one goes. But as my doctor tells me- one step at a time! For now, it's be gentle, wait for period, enjoy the break in between, and then prepare to do it all again.
25 February 2013
Day 16 - It's the Final Countdown
I can't believe I have taken my last shots of this cycle! I was very good about taking my two shots last night exactly on time. My last Cetrotide was at 7:01pm and my Ovitrelle was at 8:01pm. Go me.
And because it's something new, I also have some new pictures to share. First, there's the Ovitrelle. It needed to be kept in the fridge. I looked online and it seemed reasonable to believe that I could remove it from the fridge about 30 minutes before injection so it was less chilly. So I did. Here is the box:
Having removed it from the fridge 30 minutes before injecting, it wasn't noticeably cold in any way or uncomfortable compared to my other injections. Now, you might notice the air bubble that it comes with. I did ask the nurse and she said not to worry about the air bubble. That as the injection was subcutaneous, it doesn't matter. Air bubbles really only matter if they get into your veins. But I wasn't thrilled with the big air bubble so I did get rid of most of it before doing the injection although not all of it- as I didn't want to risk losing any of the injection itself. It went in no problem and then I was done:
I did think one thing interesting about this syringe was how it was sort of "all glass". The Cetrotide syringes had a plastic plunger. I thought this was actually a rather attractive sort of syringe. If such things can be viewed in any was as attractive. Anyway, I put the cover back on the needle and put my last bit of sharp into my sharps bin!
And so that's it really. The only thing left in my bag of tricks is the lovely suppository.
Oh yippee. It's funny to read some of the forums where people get all squeamish about suppositories. Honestly, you've been jabbing yourself with needles for two weeks and getting done by an ultrasound dildo every few days and you can't manage to pop something up your bum? I find this line of modesty sort of amusing. But in reality, that picture makes it look a bit invasive. Really, it's very tiny and I'm sure it will be no problem at all.
And so tomorrow I will have answers to questions that no one can answer for me. Today I am going to drink huge amounts of water and eat sensibly but light (I had a massive Sunday roast yesterday and ate red meat like it was going out of style). No food or drink after midnight- though I plan to be asleep by then. Then up bright and early to have a shower and then avoid putting on deodorant or anything else with a scent as instructed by my clinic, pop in the suppository, grab my sharps box, and get on public transport at 7:30 to be there for 8:30 for my procedure at 9am.
It's hard not to be hopeful. And simultaneously afraid of a bad result. It will be what it will be. There is nothing else I can do but wait and see. And I will update here when I am able. I still plan to travel up to Cambridge tomorrow night though, so we'll see how everything is going. It could all be panic stations around here just due to my life, as of now put on hold, resuming with force.
And because it's something new, I also have some new pictures to share. First, there's the Ovitrelle. It needed to be kept in the fridge. I looked online and it seemed reasonable to believe that I could remove it from the fridge about 30 minutes before injection so it was less chilly. So I did. Here is the box:
And here is what is inside the box. One pre-filled and ready-to-go syringe. Oh, and also there was a little instruction and information sheet, but it wasn't very useful or interesting so I didn't photograph that.
Having removed it from the fridge 30 minutes before injecting, it wasn't noticeably cold in any way or uncomfortable compared to my other injections. Now, you might notice the air bubble that it comes with. I did ask the nurse and she said not to worry about the air bubble. That as the injection was subcutaneous, it doesn't matter. Air bubbles really only matter if they get into your veins. But I wasn't thrilled with the big air bubble so I did get rid of most of it before doing the injection although not all of it- as I didn't want to risk losing any of the injection itself. It went in no problem and then I was done:
I did think one thing interesting about this syringe was how it was sort of "all glass". The Cetrotide syringes had a plastic plunger. I thought this was actually a rather attractive sort of syringe. If such things can be viewed in any was as attractive. Anyway, I put the cover back on the needle and put my last bit of sharp into my sharps bin!
So here you see it. The results of my first cycle of sharps. Pretty much filled the bin. you can see that it says not to fill above the line and I'd suggest that it was pretty much filled exactly to the line! This was mainly due to all of the extra and unused needles that come with the Gonal-F pens. Pretty wasteful, those. Anyway, I figure I will take this with me tomorrow morning to the clinic and give it to them for disposal so I got to lock down the lid!
And so that's it really. The only thing left in my bag of tricks is the lovely suppository.
Oh yippee. It's funny to read some of the forums where people get all squeamish about suppositories. Honestly, you've been jabbing yourself with needles for two weeks and getting done by an ultrasound dildo every few days and you can't manage to pop something up your bum? I find this line of modesty sort of amusing. But in reality, that picture makes it look a bit invasive. Really, it's very tiny and I'm sure it will be no problem at all.
And so tomorrow I will have answers to questions that no one can answer for me. Today I am going to drink huge amounts of water and eat sensibly but light (I had a massive Sunday roast yesterday and ate red meat like it was going out of style). No food or drink after midnight- though I plan to be asleep by then. Then up bright and early to have a shower and then avoid putting on deodorant or anything else with a scent as instructed by my clinic, pop in the suppository, grab my sharps box, and get on public transport at 7:30 to be there for 8:30 for my procedure at 9am.
It's hard not to be hopeful. And simultaneously afraid of a bad result. It will be what it will be. There is nothing else I can do but wait and see. And I will update here when I am able. I still plan to travel up to Cambridge tomorrow night though, so we'll see how everything is going. It could all be panic stations around here just due to my life, as of now put on hold, resuming with force.
24 February 2013
Days 14, 15
Last night was my last Gonal-F injection!! It was 187.5 as opposed to the 225 I've been taking for the rest of my cycle. And of course the Cetrotide. The past two days all of the injections have been pretty easy which has been nice. Today I have my last injections before egg collection. At 7pm I take the Cetrotide and then at 8pm I take the Ovitrelle that is waiting for me in the fridge. Monday- no shots! Then Tuesday morning I need to pop in a Voltarol suppository before heading to the clinic super early. The Voltarol is for pain relief and seems standard practice for some UK clinics according to forums on the internet.
I've arranged for my friend to be there by 10 and I imagine I should be able to leave by 11 at the latest. So the end is almost here. I can see it. I'm both nervous and excited. And I'm not going to lie, I'm also excited to get my life back for a couple of months where I'm not injecting myself every night and giving up alcohol and caffeine.
My right side where my ovary is feels a bit tight but honestly it's felt worse at different parts of this journey. I've been very careful to avoid twisting and I can't help worry about things like OHSS and what happens after egg collection, but by the time my period comes it should all be flushing away and reverting to normal.
It's easy to get wrapped up in this experience but I still find it challenging that the support and advice for egg freezing is just dwarfed by IVF. The issues are entirely different. I do find it useful to read IVF forums for understanding issues regarding the egg collection process, but all this DH this and BFN/P that- it's not relevant to my journey and in some ways highlights the wrong thing about this process as it only painfully reminds me that my life is not where I had hoped it would be at this point.
It's also interesting the responses I've had from different friends about what I'm doing. I have been reasonably open about telling friends of mine what I'm doing and the results have ranged from "That's amazing and you would make a great mother." to "Why would you do that?" to "Why don't you just get pregnant now?". The responses have not necessarily coordinated with the friends I thought they would have, either.
I'm not rushing in to any decisions. I just feel that this gives me an option I would otherwise be passing up. And I believe that it is a good idea and the right thing for me to be doing at this time. In addition, having lost an ovary already, it makes sense to try to preserve eggs from my remaining ovary which, as discussed already has a small cyst on it, because as I well know- anything can happen and then your choices can be taken away from you.
On the other hand, it puts into stark relief things about my life that have disappointed me. It forces me to consider things that I have not necessarily been considering. And I feel it is additionally challenging to be undertaking all of this alone without anyone to truly share 'the burden' of the harder thoughts with. Or just the stupid moments of having injections and sharps boxes.
It's part of the reason I made this blog, and have tried to find others. Or maybe I'm just someone who likes sharing. Anyway. Enough Sunday morning rambling! I will continue to keep this blog updated with the results of this cycle, any thoughts in between, and when I do the second cycle (which I am entirely assuming I will do as there is no reason at this point to think I won't) I'll return to it, though possibly not the day by day description that this first cycle has been. But as my doctor says, that's still a ways away. First things first!
Last day of shots today!! Woohoo!!
I've arranged for my friend to be there by 10 and I imagine I should be able to leave by 11 at the latest. So the end is almost here. I can see it. I'm both nervous and excited. And I'm not going to lie, I'm also excited to get my life back for a couple of months where I'm not injecting myself every night and giving up alcohol and caffeine.
My right side where my ovary is feels a bit tight but honestly it's felt worse at different parts of this journey. I've been very careful to avoid twisting and I can't help worry about things like OHSS and what happens after egg collection, but by the time my period comes it should all be flushing away and reverting to normal.
It's easy to get wrapped up in this experience but I still find it challenging that the support and advice for egg freezing is just dwarfed by IVF. The issues are entirely different. I do find it useful to read IVF forums for understanding issues regarding the egg collection process, but all this DH this and BFN/P that- it's not relevant to my journey and in some ways highlights the wrong thing about this process as it only painfully reminds me that my life is not where I had hoped it would be at this point.
It's also interesting the responses I've had from different friends about what I'm doing. I have been reasonably open about telling friends of mine what I'm doing and the results have ranged from "That's amazing and you would make a great mother." to "Why would you do that?" to "Why don't you just get pregnant now?". The responses have not necessarily coordinated with the friends I thought they would have, either.
I'm not rushing in to any decisions. I just feel that this gives me an option I would otherwise be passing up. And I believe that it is a good idea and the right thing for me to be doing at this time. In addition, having lost an ovary already, it makes sense to try to preserve eggs from my remaining ovary which, as discussed already has a small cyst on it, because as I well know- anything can happen and then your choices can be taken away from you.
On the other hand, it puts into stark relief things about my life that have disappointed me. It forces me to consider things that I have not necessarily been considering. And I feel it is additionally challenging to be undertaking all of this alone without anyone to truly share 'the burden' of the harder thoughts with. Or just the stupid moments of having injections and sharps boxes.
It's part of the reason I made this blog, and have tried to find others. Or maybe I'm just someone who likes sharing. Anyway. Enough Sunday morning rambling! I will continue to keep this blog updated with the results of this cycle, any thoughts in between, and when I do the second cycle (which I am entirely assuming I will do as there is no reason at this point to think I won't) I'll return to it, though possibly not the day by day description that this first cycle has been. But as my doctor says, that's still a ways away. First things first!
Last day of shots today!! Woohoo!!
22 February 2013
Day 13 - Scan
The end is in sight!
Had my scan this morning. The doctor said that Tuesday would really be better for collection as the goal is to have as many good eggs as possible and I do have some follicles lagging behind. I'm sure that I could question him for his reasoning and thinking, but as my IVF experienced friend said, "What is he going to tell you really except that this is what he thinks they should do based on all the other patients they've seen and the results they've had with different protocols?". It's true really. Whatever they say to me isn't going to be the magic pill that "promises" the prize. Either you trust your doctor, and the clinic, or you don't. So lesson of the day- be very happy with your clinic and doctor because that's really all you've got.
At any rate, he counted 13 follicles and there may have been a couple others. They are getting big! He suggested that I should be looking at 5-10 eggs. Of course there is a massive difference between 5 and 10. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except wait and see. Obviously I hope for 10 and I will be disappointed with 5 but it will be what it will be and lets just hope that it's not any less than that which is of course, also entirely possible.
So I have my final drugs now, and I need to be back at the clinic at 8:30am on Tuesday morning for my procedure at 9am and I might be able to go home by 10 and hopefully by 11.
Tonight, I'm on the same drugs as usual- Gonal-F at 225 and Cetrotide. Then tomorrow I do them again but the Gonal-F reduces (I have it written down- I think it's one eight something or other). Sunday at 7pm I take the Cetrotide and then at 8pm I do the Ovitrelle which came pre-packaged and is currently in my fridge waiting for me. Monday- no shots! Hooray! Before I head to the clinic on Tuesday morning, I take a suppository. I think it's a painkiller. I'm not sure, I'll need to double check, and I will post more about all that later.
This has of course prompted me to consider does the procedure actually hurt? It may sound stupid but it hadn't actually particularly occurred to me. Then of course I made the mistake of looking at the internet which is full of both sides- people in pain and people feeling nothing. Well, there just isn't any way to know what it's going to be like until it happens. I'd say my tolerance for pain can be pretty high, but I do tend to flinch. Hopefully I get enough sedation to just knock my ass out.
I've arranged for my friend to come meet me at the clinic and go home with me. It's all heading to the finish line now!
I did say to the doctor today that my ovary feels uncomfortable, my digestive system seems to be a mess, and I've been feeling particularly grumpy. He said it's all normal. At least I can be objective at the moment. The hormones haven't gotten that bad yet!!
Had my scan this morning. The doctor said that Tuesday would really be better for collection as the goal is to have as many good eggs as possible and I do have some follicles lagging behind. I'm sure that I could question him for his reasoning and thinking, but as my IVF experienced friend said, "What is he going to tell you really except that this is what he thinks they should do based on all the other patients they've seen and the results they've had with different protocols?". It's true really. Whatever they say to me isn't going to be the magic pill that "promises" the prize. Either you trust your doctor, and the clinic, or you don't. So lesson of the day- be very happy with your clinic and doctor because that's really all you've got.
At any rate, he counted 13 follicles and there may have been a couple others. They are getting big! He suggested that I should be looking at 5-10 eggs. Of course there is a massive difference between 5 and 10. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except wait and see. Obviously I hope for 10 and I will be disappointed with 5 but it will be what it will be and lets just hope that it's not any less than that which is of course, also entirely possible.
So I have my final drugs now, and I need to be back at the clinic at 8:30am on Tuesday morning for my procedure at 9am and I might be able to go home by 10 and hopefully by 11.
Tonight, I'm on the same drugs as usual- Gonal-F at 225 and Cetrotide. Then tomorrow I do them again but the Gonal-F reduces (I have it written down- I think it's one eight something or other). Sunday at 7pm I take the Cetrotide and then at 8pm I do the Ovitrelle which came pre-packaged and is currently in my fridge waiting for me. Monday- no shots! Hooray! Before I head to the clinic on Tuesday morning, I take a suppository. I think it's a painkiller. I'm not sure, I'll need to double check, and I will post more about all that later.
This has of course prompted me to consider does the procedure actually hurt? It may sound stupid but it hadn't actually particularly occurred to me. Then of course I made the mistake of looking at the internet which is full of both sides- people in pain and people feeling nothing. Well, there just isn't any way to know what it's going to be like until it happens. I'd say my tolerance for pain can be pretty high, but I do tend to flinch. Hopefully I get enough sedation to just knock my ass out.
I've arranged for my friend to come meet me at the clinic and go home with me. It's all heading to the finish line now!
I did say to the doctor today that my ovary feels uncomfortable, my digestive system seems to be a mess, and I've been feeling particularly grumpy. He said it's all normal. At least I can be objective at the moment. The hormones haven't gotten that bad yet!!
21 February 2013
Day 12
Okay, I've taken to writing in the morning, not after my injections in the evening.
Last night's injections sucked. They all seemed to be painful and pokey. I say "they all" because although the Gonal-F is super easy and not a problem, I had to do the Cetrotide 3x before I got it right!! First I tried a spot that was just too pokey so I couldn't manage. Not sure I properly broke the skin but I think I must have been just on top of a nerve or something. So needle out. Pick another spot, still pokey but just want to get it done with, get it in and AGAIN I realize I've forgotten to get rid of the air bubble. Needle out. Third spot still a bit pokey. At this point I wonder if I've blunted the needle with too many tries, but I get it in and done with and then just generally felt uncomfortable and poked from the shots. And even though the Gonal-F is fine, I still picked a somewhat pokey spot. So a big blah to the injections last night.
In the meantime, this amused me for no particular reason. And as my cleaner comes today, it will all be gone shortly. I wonder what she's going to think of my rather full bedroom garbage....
Looking forward to my scan in the morning. I am hoping with all my might that they think Monday is perfect for collection. Although I did ask the doctor I saw on Wednesday if I have the collection Monday morning did she think I could be traveling Monday night and she pretty much looked at me like I was crazy. And said I should definitely not be riding a bicycle for a couple of days. I think I'm someone who always thinks I can do things before realizing I can't. So in my head these were completely sensible questions. And to be honest, I'm going to see how I feel and if I think I can travel the evening of the collection, and if I think I can ride my bike, I'm going to do it. I just can't keep putting off my normal life for so long. Although I could skip the bike- it would mean a lot more walking and possibly taking taxis which is not ideal, but also not impossible. Anyway, we'll see how I feel.
I've decided that I'm getting grumpy. And this could be a side effect from the drugs. It could also be a side effect from undertaking a somewhat stressful procedure. But I feel particularly grumpy and irritable which is how I tend to feel when I have periods. So yeah, maybe this is a mild side effect.
Last night's injections sucked. They all seemed to be painful and pokey. I say "they all" because although the Gonal-F is super easy and not a problem, I had to do the Cetrotide 3x before I got it right!! First I tried a spot that was just too pokey so I couldn't manage. Not sure I properly broke the skin but I think I must have been just on top of a nerve or something. So needle out. Pick another spot, still pokey but just want to get it done with, get it in and AGAIN I realize I've forgotten to get rid of the air bubble. Needle out. Third spot still a bit pokey. At this point I wonder if I've blunted the needle with too many tries, but I get it in and done with and then just generally felt uncomfortable and poked from the shots. And even though the Gonal-F is fine, I still picked a somewhat pokey spot. So a big blah to the injections last night.
In the meantime, this amused me for no particular reason. And as my cleaner comes today, it will all be gone shortly. I wonder what she's going to think of my rather full bedroom garbage....
Looking forward to my scan in the morning. I am hoping with all my might that they think Monday is perfect for collection. Although I did ask the doctor I saw on Wednesday if I have the collection Monday morning did she think I could be traveling Monday night and she pretty much looked at me like I was crazy. And said I should definitely not be riding a bicycle for a couple of days. I think I'm someone who always thinks I can do things before realizing I can't. So in my head these were completely sensible questions. And to be honest, I'm going to see how I feel and if I think I can travel the evening of the collection, and if I think I can ride my bike, I'm going to do it. I just can't keep putting off my normal life for so long. Although I could skip the bike- it would mean a lot more walking and possibly taking taxis which is not ideal, but also not impossible. Anyway, we'll see how I feel.
I've decided that I'm getting grumpy. And this could be a side effect from the drugs. It could also be a side effect from undertaking a somewhat stressful procedure. But I feel particularly grumpy and irritable which is how I tend to feel when I have periods. So yeah, maybe this is a mild side effect.
20 February 2013
Day 11 - Scan
So I had a scan this morning with a different doctor. All going well. I saw her count ten follicles and I saw a few more she didn't count. She said it was good that they were mostly growing uniformly- that there weren't one or two 'ahead of the pack' in terms of growth which is good. I guess they try to generally measure only the biggest ones. She said they were also growing at a regular and steady and desirable rate. So that was also all good. The sad news is she said my collection could be Monday or even Tuesday. It just keeps getting pushed further away!! Ugh! I hate the waiting!!!
Also this means I need to try to rearrange my "support" person as the person I had lined up is only free Thursday and Friday. I think I've arranged someone though, so that's good.
I'm staying on the same dose of Gonal-F (225) plus the Cetrotide.
I asked if I was at any risk of OSHH. The doctor told me that she didn't think so- especially as I had only one ovary. If I had two ovaries, then maybe. I thought this was interesting as I haven't seen anything about OHSS risks being reduced by having one ovary, but hey, I'll take it.
I learned the leftover injection pen and vials can go directly into the trash. I'm not sure I 100% believe this, but the nurse said that they just put it all in regular trash so I can put it in my trash at home. So I guess I will, even though it feels vaguely wrong.
Also, I learned that the clinic does see patients on the weekend for procedures- but they don't do scans and regular consultations on the weekend. That seemed reasonable.
I definitely feel a tightness or pressure on my right side where my ovary is. It's mildly annoying but not painful. I can't say I've really had any other side effects that I've noticed. I have some mild bruising across my belly from all the shots, but it's not that bad, and not painful.
Just back to shots and waiting...
Also this means I need to try to rearrange my "support" person as the person I had lined up is only free Thursday and Friday. I think I've arranged someone though, so that's good.
I'm staying on the same dose of Gonal-F (225) plus the Cetrotide.
I asked if I was at any risk of OSHH. The doctor told me that she didn't think so- especially as I had only one ovary. If I had two ovaries, then maybe. I thought this was interesting as I haven't seen anything about OHSS risks being reduced by having one ovary, but hey, I'll take it.
I learned the leftover injection pen and vials can go directly into the trash. I'm not sure I 100% believe this, but the nurse said that they just put it all in regular trash so I can put it in my trash at home. So I guess I will, even though it feels vaguely wrong.
Also, I learned that the clinic does see patients on the weekend for procedures- but they don't do scans and regular consultations on the weekend. That seemed reasonable.
I definitely feel a tightness or pressure on my right side where my ovary is. It's mildly annoying but not painful. I can't say I've really had any other side effects that I've noticed. I have some mild bruising across my belly from all the shots, but it's not that bad, and not painful.
Just back to shots and waiting...
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