24 February 2013

Days 14, 15

Last night was my last Gonal-F injection!!  It was 187.5 as opposed to the 225 I've been taking for the rest of my cycle.  And of course the Cetrotide.  The past two days all of the injections have been pretty easy which has been nice.  Today I have my last injections before egg collection.  At 7pm I take the Cetrotide and then at 8pm I take the Ovitrelle that is waiting for me in the fridge.  Monday- no shots!  Then Tuesday morning I need to pop in a Voltarol suppository before heading to the clinic super early.  The Voltarol is for pain relief and seems standard practice for some UK clinics according to forums on the internet.

I've arranged for my friend to be there by 10 and I imagine I should be able to leave by 11 at the latest.  So the end is almost here.  I can see it.  I'm both nervous and excited.  And I'm not going to lie, I'm also excited to get my life back for a couple of months where I'm not injecting myself every night and giving up alcohol and caffeine.

My right side where my ovary is feels a bit tight but honestly it's felt worse at different parts of this journey.  I've been very careful to avoid twisting and I can't help worry about things like OHSS and what happens after egg collection, but by the time my period comes it should all be flushing away and reverting to normal.

It's easy to get wrapped up in this experience but I still find it challenging that the support and advice for egg freezing is just dwarfed by IVF.  The issues are entirely different.  I do find it useful to read IVF forums for understanding issues regarding the egg collection process, but all this DH this and BFN/P that- it's not relevant to my journey and in some ways highlights the wrong thing about this process as it only painfully reminds me that my life is not where I had hoped it would be at this point.

It's also interesting the responses I've had from different friends about what I'm doing.  I have been reasonably open about telling friends of mine what I'm doing and the results have ranged from "That's amazing and you would make a great mother." to "Why would you do that?" to "Why don't you just get pregnant now?".  The responses have not necessarily coordinated with the friends I thought they would have, either.

I'm not rushing in to any decisions.  I just feel that this gives me an option I would otherwise be passing up.  And I believe that it is a good idea and the right thing for me to be doing at this time.  In addition, having lost an ovary already, it makes sense to try to preserve eggs from my remaining ovary which, as discussed already has a small cyst on it, because as I well know- anything can happen and then your choices can be taken away from you.

On the other hand, it puts into stark relief things about my life that have disappointed me.  It forces me to consider things that I have not necessarily been considering.  And I feel it is additionally challenging to be undertaking all of this alone without anyone to truly share 'the burden' of the harder thoughts with.  Or just the stupid moments of having injections and sharps boxes.

It's part of the reason I made this blog, and have tried to find others.  Or maybe I'm just someone who likes sharing.  Anyway.  Enough Sunday morning rambling!  I will continue to keep this blog updated with the results of this cycle, any thoughts in between, and when I do the second cycle (which I am entirely assuming I will do as there is no reason at this point to think I won't) I'll return to it, though possibly not the day by day description that this first cycle has been.  But as my doctor says, that's still a ways away.  First things first!

Last day of shots today!! Woohoo!!

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