Last night was my last Gonal-F injection!! It was 187.5 as opposed to the 225 I've been taking for the rest of my cycle. And of course the Cetrotide. The past two days all of the injections have been pretty easy which has been nice. Today I have my last injections before egg collection. At 7pm I take the Cetrotide and then at 8pm I take the Ovitrelle that is waiting for me in the fridge. Monday- no shots! Then Tuesday morning I need to pop in a Voltarol suppository before heading to the clinic super early. The Voltarol is for pain relief and seems standard practice for some UK clinics according to forums on the internet.
I've arranged for my friend to be there by 10 and I imagine I should be able to leave by 11 at the latest. So the end is almost here. I can see it. I'm both nervous and excited. And I'm not going to lie, I'm also excited to get my life back for a couple of months where I'm not injecting myself every night and giving up alcohol and caffeine.
My right side where my ovary is feels a bit tight but honestly it's felt worse at different parts of this journey. I've been very careful to avoid twisting and I can't help worry about things like OHSS and what happens after egg collection, but by the time my period comes it should all be flushing away and reverting to normal.
It's easy to get wrapped up in this experience but I still find it challenging that the support and advice for egg freezing is just dwarfed by IVF. The issues are entirely different. I do find it useful to read IVF forums for understanding issues regarding the egg collection process, but all this DH this and BFN/P that- it's not relevant to my journey and in some ways highlights the wrong thing about this process as it only painfully reminds me that my life is not where I had hoped it would be at this point.
It's also interesting the responses I've had from different friends about what I'm doing. I have been reasonably open about telling friends of mine what I'm doing and the results have ranged from "That's amazing and you would make a great mother." to "Why would you do that?" to "Why don't you just get pregnant now?". The responses have not necessarily coordinated with the friends I thought they would have, either.
I'm not rushing in to any decisions. I just feel that this gives me an option I would otherwise be passing up. And I believe that it is a good idea and the right thing for me to be doing at this time. In addition, having lost an ovary already, it makes sense to try to preserve eggs from my remaining ovary which, as discussed already has a small cyst on it, because as I well know- anything can happen and then your choices can be taken away from you.
On the other hand, it puts into stark relief things about my life that have disappointed me. It forces me to consider things that I have not necessarily been considering. And I feel it is additionally challenging to be undertaking all of this alone without anyone to truly share 'the burden' of the harder thoughts with. Or just the stupid moments of having injections and sharps boxes.
It's part of the reason I made this blog, and have tried to find others. Or maybe I'm just someone who likes sharing. Anyway. Enough Sunday morning rambling! I will continue to keep this blog updated with the results of this cycle, any thoughts in between, and when I do the second cycle (which I am entirely assuming I will do as there is no reason at this point to think I won't) I'll return to it, though possibly not the day by day description that this first cycle has been. But as my doctor says, that's still a ways away. First things first!
Last day of shots today!! Woohoo!!
24 February 2013
22 February 2013
Day 13 - Scan
The end is in sight!
Had my scan this morning. The doctor said that Tuesday would really be better for collection as the goal is to have as many good eggs as possible and I do have some follicles lagging behind. I'm sure that I could question him for his reasoning and thinking, but as my IVF experienced friend said, "What is he going to tell you really except that this is what he thinks they should do based on all the other patients they've seen and the results they've had with different protocols?". It's true really. Whatever they say to me isn't going to be the magic pill that "promises" the prize. Either you trust your doctor, and the clinic, or you don't. So lesson of the day- be very happy with your clinic and doctor because that's really all you've got.
At any rate, he counted 13 follicles and there may have been a couple others. They are getting big! He suggested that I should be looking at 5-10 eggs. Of course there is a massive difference between 5 and 10. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except wait and see. Obviously I hope for 10 and I will be disappointed with 5 but it will be what it will be and lets just hope that it's not any less than that which is of course, also entirely possible.
So I have my final drugs now, and I need to be back at the clinic at 8:30am on Tuesday morning for my procedure at 9am and I might be able to go home by 10 and hopefully by 11.
Tonight, I'm on the same drugs as usual- Gonal-F at 225 and Cetrotide. Then tomorrow I do them again but the Gonal-F reduces (I have it written down- I think it's one eight something or other). Sunday at 7pm I take the Cetrotide and then at 8pm I do the Ovitrelle which came pre-packaged and is currently in my fridge waiting for me. Monday- no shots! Hooray! Before I head to the clinic on Tuesday morning, I take a suppository. I think it's a painkiller. I'm not sure, I'll need to double check, and I will post more about all that later.
This has of course prompted me to consider does the procedure actually hurt? It may sound stupid but it hadn't actually particularly occurred to me. Then of course I made the mistake of looking at the internet which is full of both sides- people in pain and people feeling nothing. Well, there just isn't any way to know what it's going to be like until it happens. I'd say my tolerance for pain can be pretty high, but I do tend to flinch. Hopefully I get enough sedation to just knock my ass out.
I've arranged for my friend to come meet me at the clinic and go home with me. It's all heading to the finish line now!
I did say to the doctor today that my ovary feels uncomfortable, my digestive system seems to be a mess, and I've been feeling particularly grumpy. He said it's all normal. At least I can be objective at the moment. The hormones haven't gotten that bad yet!!
Had my scan this morning. The doctor said that Tuesday would really be better for collection as the goal is to have as many good eggs as possible and I do have some follicles lagging behind. I'm sure that I could question him for his reasoning and thinking, but as my IVF experienced friend said, "What is he going to tell you really except that this is what he thinks they should do based on all the other patients they've seen and the results they've had with different protocols?". It's true really. Whatever they say to me isn't going to be the magic pill that "promises" the prize. Either you trust your doctor, and the clinic, or you don't. So lesson of the day- be very happy with your clinic and doctor because that's really all you've got.
At any rate, he counted 13 follicles and there may have been a couple others. They are getting big! He suggested that I should be looking at 5-10 eggs. Of course there is a massive difference between 5 and 10. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except wait and see. Obviously I hope for 10 and I will be disappointed with 5 but it will be what it will be and lets just hope that it's not any less than that which is of course, also entirely possible.
So I have my final drugs now, and I need to be back at the clinic at 8:30am on Tuesday morning for my procedure at 9am and I might be able to go home by 10 and hopefully by 11.
Tonight, I'm on the same drugs as usual- Gonal-F at 225 and Cetrotide. Then tomorrow I do them again but the Gonal-F reduces (I have it written down- I think it's one eight something or other). Sunday at 7pm I take the Cetrotide and then at 8pm I do the Ovitrelle which came pre-packaged and is currently in my fridge waiting for me. Monday- no shots! Hooray! Before I head to the clinic on Tuesday morning, I take a suppository. I think it's a painkiller. I'm not sure, I'll need to double check, and I will post more about all that later.
This has of course prompted me to consider does the procedure actually hurt? It may sound stupid but it hadn't actually particularly occurred to me. Then of course I made the mistake of looking at the internet which is full of both sides- people in pain and people feeling nothing. Well, there just isn't any way to know what it's going to be like until it happens. I'd say my tolerance for pain can be pretty high, but I do tend to flinch. Hopefully I get enough sedation to just knock my ass out.
I've arranged for my friend to come meet me at the clinic and go home with me. It's all heading to the finish line now!
I did say to the doctor today that my ovary feels uncomfortable, my digestive system seems to be a mess, and I've been feeling particularly grumpy. He said it's all normal. At least I can be objective at the moment. The hormones haven't gotten that bad yet!!
21 February 2013
Day 12
Okay, I've taken to writing in the morning, not after my injections in the evening.
Last night's injections sucked. They all seemed to be painful and pokey. I say "they all" because although the Gonal-F is super easy and not a problem, I had to do the Cetrotide 3x before I got it right!! First I tried a spot that was just too pokey so I couldn't manage. Not sure I properly broke the skin but I think I must have been just on top of a nerve or something. So needle out. Pick another spot, still pokey but just want to get it done with, get it in and AGAIN I realize I've forgotten to get rid of the air bubble. Needle out. Third spot still a bit pokey. At this point I wonder if I've blunted the needle with too many tries, but I get it in and done with and then just generally felt uncomfortable and poked from the shots. And even though the Gonal-F is fine, I still picked a somewhat pokey spot. So a big blah to the injections last night.
In the meantime, this amused me for no particular reason. And as my cleaner comes today, it will all be gone shortly. I wonder what she's going to think of my rather full bedroom garbage....
Looking forward to my scan in the morning. I am hoping with all my might that they think Monday is perfect for collection. Although I did ask the doctor I saw on Wednesday if I have the collection Monday morning did she think I could be traveling Monday night and she pretty much looked at me like I was crazy. And said I should definitely not be riding a bicycle for a couple of days. I think I'm someone who always thinks I can do things before realizing I can't. So in my head these were completely sensible questions. And to be honest, I'm going to see how I feel and if I think I can travel the evening of the collection, and if I think I can ride my bike, I'm going to do it. I just can't keep putting off my normal life for so long. Although I could skip the bike- it would mean a lot more walking and possibly taking taxis which is not ideal, but also not impossible. Anyway, we'll see how I feel.
I've decided that I'm getting grumpy. And this could be a side effect from the drugs. It could also be a side effect from undertaking a somewhat stressful procedure. But I feel particularly grumpy and irritable which is how I tend to feel when I have periods. So yeah, maybe this is a mild side effect.
Last night's injections sucked. They all seemed to be painful and pokey. I say "they all" because although the Gonal-F is super easy and not a problem, I had to do the Cetrotide 3x before I got it right!! First I tried a spot that was just too pokey so I couldn't manage. Not sure I properly broke the skin but I think I must have been just on top of a nerve or something. So needle out. Pick another spot, still pokey but just want to get it done with, get it in and AGAIN I realize I've forgotten to get rid of the air bubble. Needle out. Third spot still a bit pokey. At this point I wonder if I've blunted the needle with too many tries, but I get it in and done with and then just generally felt uncomfortable and poked from the shots. And even though the Gonal-F is fine, I still picked a somewhat pokey spot. So a big blah to the injections last night.
In the meantime, this amused me for no particular reason. And as my cleaner comes today, it will all be gone shortly. I wonder what she's going to think of my rather full bedroom garbage....
Looking forward to my scan in the morning. I am hoping with all my might that they think Monday is perfect for collection. Although I did ask the doctor I saw on Wednesday if I have the collection Monday morning did she think I could be traveling Monday night and she pretty much looked at me like I was crazy. And said I should definitely not be riding a bicycle for a couple of days. I think I'm someone who always thinks I can do things before realizing I can't. So in my head these were completely sensible questions. And to be honest, I'm going to see how I feel and if I think I can travel the evening of the collection, and if I think I can ride my bike, I'm going to do it. I just can't keep putting off my normal life for so long. Although I could skip the bike- it would mean a lot more walking and possibly taking taxis which is not ideal, but also not impossible. Anyway, we'll see how I feel.
I've decided that I'm getting grumpy. And this could be a side effect from the drugs. It could also be a side effect from undertaking a somewhat stressful procedure. But I feel particularly grumpy and irritable which is how I tend to feel when I have periods. So yeah, maybe this is a mild side effect.
20 February 2013
Day 11 - Scan
So I had a scan this morning with a different doctor. All going well. I saw her count ten follicles and I saw a few more she didn't count. She said it was good that they were mostly growing uniformly- that there weren't one or two 'ahead of the pack' in terms of growth which is good. I guess they try to generally measure only the biggest ones. She said they were also growing at a regular and steady and desirable rate. So that was also all good. The sad news is she said my collection could be Monday or even Tuesday. It just keeps getting pushed further away!! Ugh! I hate the waiting!!!
Also this means I need to try to rearrange my "support" person as the person I had lined up is only free Thursday and Friday. I think I've arranged someone though, so that's good.
I'm staying on the same dose of Gonal-F (225) plus the Cetrotide.
I asked if I was at any risk of OSHH. The doctor told me that she didn't think so- especially as I had only one ovary. If I had two ovaries, then maybe. I thought this was interesting as I haven't seen anything about OHSS risks being reduced by having one ovary, but hey, I'll take it.
I learned the leftover injection pen and vials can go directly into the trash. I'm not sure I 100% believe this, but the nurse said that they just put it all in regular trash so I can put it in my trash at home. So I guess I will, even though it feels vaguely wrong.
Also, I learned that the clinic does see patients on the weekend for procedures- but they don't do scans and regular consultations on the weekend. That seemed reasonable.
I definitely feel a tightness or pressure on my right side where my ovary is. It's mildly annoying but not painful. I can't say I've really had any other side effects that I've noticed. I have some mild bruising across my belly from all the shots, but it's not that bad, and not painful.
Just back to shots and waiting...
Also this means I need to try to rearrange my "support" person as the person I had lined up is only free Thursday and Friday. I think I've arranged someone though, so that's good.
I'm staying on the same dose of Gonal-F (225) plus the Cetrotide.
I asked if I was at any risk of OSHH. The doctor told me that she didn't think so- especially as I had only one ovary. If I had two ovaries, then maybe. I thought this was interesting as I haven't seen anything about OHSS risks being reduced by having one ovary, but hey, I'll take it.
I learned the leftover injection pen and vials can go directly into the trash. I'm not sure I 100% believe this, but the nurse said that they just put it all in regular trash so I can put it in my trash at home. So I guess I will, even though it feels vaguely wrong.
Also, I learned that the clinic does see patients on the weekend for procedures- but they don't do scans and regular consultations on the weekend. That seemed reasonable.
I definitely feel a tightness or pressure on my right side where my ovary is. It's mildly annoying but not painful. I can't say I've really had any other side effects that I've noticed. I have some mild bruising across my belly from all the shots, but it's not that bad, and not painful.
Just back to shots and waiting...
19 February 2013
Day 10
Here is some advice. It is not always great to read the things you find on the internet.
On the other hand, it can be useful to read things you find on the internet.
I'll be honest. I haven't done loads and loads of reading on egg freezing or IVF cycles and I don't know all the terminology and all of the steps and measures. I've had to learn as I go. And it turns out I often have questions.
Of course my first response is to look up answers on the internet. And there are loads of people talking about stuff- mostly IVF, but still relevant. But sometimes what they say makes me worry about my protocol or my results. And that's really a bit useless.
So this is what I think I learned today. First, I'm on an OCP-antagonist protocol (I think). The purpose of the norethisterone was to suppress the proto eggs briefly in the hopes that they all come out together so that there are more mature eggs at collection as opposed to varying sizes of eggs which would mean many are not good enough for freezing.
I learned that follicle numbers seem to have very little to do with egg numbers. And according to IVF blogs, even a good number of good eggs can result in only one or no transferable embryos or blastocysts. This was depressing. I even read someone posting about how they had 8 follicles and NO eggs. Of course this is useless information for me to be reading.
I'm just getting anxious to get to this particular finish line. I have another scan in the morning with a different doctor. I'm going to try and get them to tell me as much as possible. I know there's no use in worrying over things I can't change, and at the moment I don't have anything specific to actually worry about! I suppose in the space of waiting for what will be, my mind just continues to manufacture a steady stream of 'what ifs'. I will be very relieved to finish this cycle, one way or another.
Although obviously I will be happy with a good outcome! I'll be relieved but terribly disappointed with a poor outcome. Just hate all the waiting!!
On the other hand, it can be useful to read things you find on the internet.
I'll be honest. I haven't done loads and loads of reading on egg freezing or IVF cycles and I don't know all the terminology and all of the steps and measures. I've had to learn as I go. And it turns out I often have questions.
Of course my first response is to look up answers on the internet. And there are loads of people talking about stuff- mostly IVF, but still relevant. But sometimes what they say makes me worry about my protocol or my results. And that's really a bit useless.
So this is what I think I learned today. First, I'm on an OCP-antagonist protocol (I think). The purpose of the norethisterone was to suppress the proto eggs briefly in the hopes that they all come out together so that there are more mature eggs at collection as opposed to varying sizes of eggs which would mean many are not good enough for freezing.
I learned that follicle numbers seem to have very little to do with egg numbers. And according to IVF blogs, even a good number of good eggs can result in only one or no transferable embryos or blastocysts. This was depressing. I even read someone posting about how they had 8 follicles and NO eggs. Of course this is useless information for me to be reading.
I'm just getting anxious to get to this particular finish line. I have another scan in the morning with a different doctor. I'm going to try and get them to tell me as much as possible. I know there's no use in worrying over things I can't change, and at the moment I don't have anything specific to actually worry about! I suppose in the space of waiting for what will be, my mind just continues to manufacture a steady stream of 'what ifs'. I will be very relieved to finish this cycle, one way or another.
Although obviously I will be happy with a good outcome! I'll be relieved but terribly disappointed with a poor outcome. Just hate all the waiting!!
18 February 2013
Day 9 - Scan
Back from the doctor, had a good chat with him about the whole cyst thing. He showed me how a (my) dermoid cyst looks a lot like the bowel. Because my dermoid cyst is very small, it can be difficult to spot. It is able to seen now because the ovary is enlarged. It "moves" with the ovary. But, when the ovary is smaller it can be hard to see from the surrounding gut. He reiterated that it's very small and nothing to be concerned about. So I feel much better about all of that.
On to more exciting news! Follicles! Now I see from reading other blogs that people get measurements on their follicles and I don't know what mine are. So I can't say if I have good size ones or not. I know they are growing though, because the doctor says so! However, they are growing slowly. So instead of collection being Thursday or Friday this week, I may be looking at Monday. Which frankly, sort of sucks. But I'm going in for another scan on Wednesday and then again on Friday. So this is going to be a very busy week for my vagina. :)
I was careful to count the follicles he was measuring- so he measured 8 but he didn't measure a bunch that were on the other side. So I counted ten or eleven follicles. Obviously some are bigger than others. Anyway, from everything I can gather, this seems like a good foundation. So I'm excited. I just now wish the little eggs would mature faster!
Obviously I'll find out more on Wednesday. Unfortunately I don't see my regular doctor but I'll see another doctor in the clinic. Although I'm not concerned about that. I'm scheduled to see my regular doctor again on Friday. I have this sneaking suspicion that perhaps they aren't open over the weekend? I hope that's not the case as it would upset me to think that my collection is predicated on what is best for the doctor's schedule and not what's best for my body when I'm paying a lot of money for this. But that's me making a gross assumption. I'll not worry about that until Wednesday, when I'll try to glean more.
Oh, also, this longer stimulation time is a little bit annoying on the budget. At this rate I'm going to be paying an extra 50-60% for the expensive drugs because I'm going more days than I thought. In the grand scheme of things, it's okay, but it's a little bit annoying and I wasn't necessarily prepared for that length of extension. I'm figuring it will be an extra £600 (~$900) per cycle. Across two cycles, it's something to think about. But hey-ho, in for a penny in for a pound!
Oh yeah, last thing- when I asked about the break between cycles the doctor said that after collection my period would hopefully come around the 11th of March. Then April, then May, and THEN I could consider the next cycle. So assuming everything goes as planned, my second cycle will be June. Which gives me a good amount of time to relax and have fun in between. Of course the doctor says to me "One step at a time!". But I am a busy person and I need to schedule!!
Tonight, the further adventures of the human pin-cushion. I'm still staying on Gonal-F at 225 with the Cetrotide.
On to more exciting news! Follicles! Now I see from reading other blogs that people get measurements on their follicles and I don't know what mine are. So I can't say if I have good size ones or not. I know they are growing though, because the doctor says so! However, they are growing slowly. So instead of collection being Thursday or Friday this week, I may be looking at Monday. Which frankly, sort of sucks. But I'm going in for another scan on Wednesday and then again on Friday. So this is going to be a very busy week for my vagina. :)
I was careful to count the follicles he was measuring- so he measured 8 but he didn't measure a bunch that were on the other side. So I counted ten or eleven follicles. Obviously some are bigger than others. Anyway, from everything I can gather, this seems like a good foundation. So I'm excited. I just now wish the little eggs would mature faster!
Obviously I'll find out more on Wednesday. Unfortunately I don't see my regular doctor but I'll see another doctor in the clinic. Although I'm not concerned about that. I'm scheduled to see my regular doctor again on Friday. I have this sneaking suspicion that perhaps they aren't open over the weekend? I hope that's not the case as it would upset me to think that my collection is predicated on what is best for the doctor's schedule and not what's best for my body when I'm paying a lot of money for this. But that's me making a gross assumption. I'll not worry about that until Wednesday, when I'll try to glean more.
Oh, also, this longer stimulation time is a little bit annoying on the budget. At this rate I'm going to be paying an extra 50-60% for the expensive drugs because I'm going more days than I thought. In the grand scheme of things, it's okay, but it's a little bit annoying and I wasn't necessarily prepared for that length of extension. I'm figuring it will be an extra £600 (~$900) per cycle. Across two cycles, it's something to think about. But hey-ho, in for a penny in for a pound!
Oh yeah, last thing- when I asked about the break between cycles the doctor said that after collection my period would hopefully come around the 11th of March. Then April, then May, and THEN I could consider the next cycle. So assuming everything goes as planned, my second cycle will be June. Which gives me a good amount of time to relax and have fun in between. Of course the doctor says to me "One step at a time!". But I am a busy person and I need to schedule!!
Tonight, the further adventures of the human pin-cushion. I'm still staying on Gonal-F at 225 with the Cetrotide.
17 February 2013
Day 7 & 8
Missed a day of posting because yesterday was a horrible disaster. Nothing to do with the egg freezing mind you. More to do with a friend of mine getting attacked and mugged on my doorstep. This would have been bad enough, but it was followed by a car with shot people in it coming to find the police for help (who were obviously at my flat) and then a million police showing up to deal with that, while I was left to deal with my traumatized friend before the police got around to coming back to her.
On top of which, this incident has pushed my flatmate over the edge. She just got home having left the house in a panic yesterday night after the excitement. I'm fully expecting her to give me notice that she's moving out, but as it is, she clearly isn't talking to me. Charming.
So yeah... injections.
Last night they were about an hour late. Tonight I got them done on time. I'm looking forward to my scan tomorrow. My right side is definitely feeling tight and bloated. I'm finding it hard to regain my 'happy place' of thoughts with all of this bloody drama going on. I mean you have got to be kidding me!! But I'm not freaking out, so that's good. Definitely looking forward to the scan and talking to the doctor tomorrow. It's not until the afternoon, but that's okay.
I hope for some good follicle news and a better idea of collection day so I can arrange for my friend to come with me. Getting close now!!
If only there wasn't all this outside stress now to also contend with.... I'm not sure how much positive vibes and calmness help with follicles and eggs or how much stress and agitation may hurt follicles and eggs. All I know is- it is on it's own a somewhat stressful thing to undertake. It's a shame that my life at the moment is adding to it in a negative way!
Tomorrow is another day.
On top of which, this incident has pushed my flatmate over the edge. She just got home having left the house in a panic yesterday night after the excitement. I'm fully expecting her to give me notice that she's moving out, but as it is, she clearly isn't talking to me. Charming.
So yeah... injections.
Last night they were about an hour late. Tonight I got them done on time. I'm looking forward to my scan tomorrow. My right side is definitely feeling tight and bloated. I'm finding it hard to regain my 'happy place' of thoughts with all of this bloody drama going on. I mean you have got to be kidding me!! But I'm not freaking out, so that's good. Definitely looking forward to the scan and talking to the doctor tomorrow. It's not until the afternoon, but that's okay.
I hope for some good follicle news and a better idea of collection day so I can arrange for my friend to come with me. Getting close now!!
If only there wasn't all this outside stress now to also contend with.... I'm not sure how much positive vibes and calmness help with follicles and eggs or how much stress and agitation may hurt follicles and eggs. All I know is- it is on it's own a somewhat stressful thing to undertake. It's a shame that my life at the moment is adding to it in a negative way!
Tomorrow is another day.
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